SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Shocked go in PI mode now did she give you his name.

Is he single.

There is still a chance to save this.

Read "Married Mans Sex Life Primer" asap.

Did she tell you who the OM is.

What ever happened with her parents in town?

I am having a very bad anxiety day. Not sure how to get through it. Thank god I have my IC in an hour. Hopefully that will help. I need to keep telling myself she is no longer my wife, don't worry about her decisions, focus on me and the boys. WAY easier said than done. How do you all get through each day?

Anger turned into motivation to not allow myself to be crapped on helped me through it.

Anxiety is usually because of the unknown about the future. Try and think very positive about your future and everything you have going for you.

What has your wife done lately? Does she want a D? Has she told you who this OM is?

I agree with Craig. Your anxiety is stemmng from your fear of the unknown.

Have you seen a lawyer yet?

If not make an appt.

Have you talked to you counselor about seeing a Psychiatrist, or your PCP about you anxiety, lack of sleep? So they can do a real evaluation and help you?

Make a to do list. Get one or two things done, or started on them, and then take the rest of the day to be good to you.

Go do something with your boys, or see a movie, or play a round of golf. But do it for you. Take control back. When you do your anxiety will diminish.

Shocked,

If only for your boys, you must help yourself right now. Asking what to do here is a good, but you now need to take action. Your question has been answered.

It's great that you're going to see an IC. That will help (if he or she is good). But, it's unlikely to remove your immediate anxiety. So, if you continue to experience severe anxiety, get some short term pharmaceutical help. Now is the time to do it. You will be surprised at how well medicine can help take the edge off. You need it. There is no shame. Yes, it is only a bandaid, but one that will help a lot short term and one that you need. Go to the doctor ASAP and ask for something to help for the next two weeks. Explain why.

Once the edge is gone, you can start on the rest of it. 180, accepting that your wife doesn't want to be married to you any longer, absorbing the body blow of her horrible behavior, working with your therapist, working to redirect your energy toward your kids and away from your wife, walking through the hell you're in until you gradually stsrt to feel better. It does get better, but not right away. Again, now is a time that you need to help yourself. You will be glad you got the medicine.

Nomistake--thanks for the post. I did see the IC this morning which was very helpful and then went to doctor to get valium for next 15 days or so. The IC really helped with get inside my head and how to let the emotions come and go. And reminding me STBXW is not my problem.

Another way to get rid of anxiety is to get back into control of your life. Anxiety is also about not being in control of your own life.

Seeing the lawyer will help, know where you stand and what you can do.

It is your life and no one has a right to lie to you and hurt you.

Another way to get rid of anxiety is to get back into control of your life. Anxiety is also about not being in control of your own life.

Exactly.

Once you start to regain control of your life, things will be much clearer. You are not going to change overnight, but you will be surprised HOW much better you feel when you start to exit from this mess called infidelity.

Start with something small, something that you claim for yourself for your own enjoyment. It could be something simple like switching to a new brand of coffee. Think of things you have always wanted to do, but have always included your WW in on the decision, but now you don't have to have her input anymore.

Go to that restaurant you've been curious about.

Pick out some new style of music.

Reconnect with old friends you haven't heard from in a while.

Go to some comedy clubs with friends. Laughter is a great way to release anxiety.

Take that road trip that you had in the back of your mind.

Maybe you've been wanting to take up guitar lessons or a cooking class.

Whatever you have put off, start putting those things at the top of the list to do for you.

Whatever you would have shared with your WW as an adventure, share them with your kids instead. Make it a new adventure for you and them.

These little actions taken day by day, over a period of time, help you take ownership of yourself, your identity.

The more you enjoy yourself, the more of that happiness creeps in to your day to day routine. The more your kids see you happy the more they find comfort and security in your presence.

Thanks JDuff. It is so hard being in the house trying to do 180. She is totally happy of course and I am miserable. I can't wait to move out just to distance myself.

Shocked did you inform her parents?

I would have told them this was HER choice and sorry you won't see the grandkids as much now which will be true.

They at least could have talked to her.

Hey Shocked, here's a little tidbit for you; she is not totally happy. She is detaching from you, which is what you mus do from her.

180 MAN! She is the enemy now.

If you feel like talking/whining/crying to her, come here and post instead. We get it, she doesn't.

You are right. I must continue to 180. How long until you guys moved out and did you file first before moving out? Maybe the process of looking for a place will help me heal. Last night I finally slept as my dr gave me rx for clonaze

Clonazepem and I finally slept mostly through the night. I feel worst about myself in the mornings and again at bedtime. I still yearn for physical touch and when she gives me these little pats it is more than I can handle. 180. 180. 180. I assume 180 means no physical contact as well right?

We told her parents last night and it went fine. I told them it wasn't my decision and I have been in a lot of pain in the last week. Her mom wanted more detail but we didn't share anything.

I keep telling mysel she is not my problem. It's a start I guess.

I hope telling her parents included "she told me she had sex with another man and that she enjoyed it."

No sane person, including 40k plus us members here would respond to that as "oh, I see. That's understandable."

It isn't.

Give her mom the details she needs. She's probably going WTF?!?!

I agree with Jduff.

Explain what is going on, has been going on and why she wants a divorce.

There is nothing wrong with disclosing the facts when they are true and relevant to your current situation.

I think it will help you and clue them in.

I think I am good with the in-laws which is all I can ask at this point.

Interesting thing that has helped me disconnect and 180--we went to an event together a few days ago and she just introduced me as my first name. At first it stung but it has helped me realize she is not my problem and I am focusing g on me! Also found a place I really like and think the boys would like. Can I just move out yet? Unfortunately it means I would need to buy furniture and a tv. She wants to stay in the house but not sure where (besides her dad) she can find money to buy my equity. But finding a place got me excited. And today has been a better day.

Day 2 of medication shortly and hopefully a good night aleep

I am glad you're feeling better. Nights and mornings are hard and also with the shorter days, depression increases in many people and with this going on, it can make it very tough.

Her mom wanted more detail but we didn't share anything.

I don't agree with that. I think it light of what your wife has done and caused, everyone should be fully aware of WHY this is happening.

I think this is all just too easy for your wife.

Also, realize that divorces can get very nasty. She is not who you think she is.

Shocked. Why would you move? She wants this let her leave her home.

You need to stay where you can care for your boys.

Let her mom and dad help her get a place.

Yes you can leave but DO NOT do it until you see an attorney. This can be viewed as abandonment of the marital home which may hurt you in D. Laws are different not just state by state by county by county.

Yes 180 means NO CONTACT if any kind. Quit attending events with her. That's confusing for the kids makes it hard to keep it clear as to what is going on.