OK, I need help.
I wasn't really sure my ex was NPD until these last few months. I knew he was a lying asshole (he had gay affairs our entire marriage), but I think I was in denial. I hadn't hit the "rage" until recently, mostly because I was complacent and did what I could to keep the peace. Well, I stood up for what I want, and the rage is at full force.
So...without saying too many details, I'm going to have to go back to mediation with him to request a change in custody/visitation. I want to move out of state in the next year or so, back to where I grew up, and my SO lives.
I have primary custody. He is an e/o weekend Dad. We live 2 hours apart in the same state.
I've told him this move is coming, I started talking to him in January to give him 18 months to plan to relocate with us. so he could remain in the children's lives similar to what he is now...(court requires 30 days notice, I've given him 18 months) There is nothing holding us to our present state. We both have family here, but neither side of family is supportive.
He has a partner of 3 years, but they do not live together, and are not married. The relationship is unstable, I've heard of cheating and other things. There is no co-habitation.
Of course, all hell has broken loose. I've been screamed at, berated, threatened, I've had to move drop offs to a neutral location, he is condescending, sarcastic and nasty. He is ramping up trying to look like a good dad. He is implying I am a terrible mother, and some days just trying to get me to engage by bombarding me with anything he can.
Then he'll send a text asking if he can pick me up dinner.
He is making serious mistakes in the emails to me, referring to things that never happened, and I have proof. I haven't let on that I have anything on him via previous custody issues. I do NOT engage at ALL.
I requested mediation, and after my third request...his lawyer finally told him he needed to get his ass into mediation, per our decree.
Has anyone had any experience in negotiating with a NPD? I know I cannot engage with any emotion about all the shit he is throwing right now. I need to stay on topic...but how do I get this to look like a good idea to him? He just wants to "win". There are several benefits...I will agree to less money...I have personal support there...a gay friendly area for him...he can find easy work there and much lower cost of living. The kids will be in an ideal area (close to colleges, parks, good schools), and have the benefit of an involved and healthy step parent (SO) and his very involved support system. I can remain a stay at home parent for the children, which is important because they are both special needs.
What I'm unsure about is if ex's partner is willing to relocate. I think that is the entire issue...he wants to stay put to be with his parter (again...the relationship has major issues...).
SO cannot relocate to my area.
What are tips/tricks to negotiate with NPD?
[This message edited by cmego at 8:35 AM, April 17th (Friday)]