SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For WH, his only brother yelled at him at the very begining of finding out and they have not spoken since - BIL is very upset about WH's behavior. I am sure they will eventually speak again but it has been 2 months and they are both upset with each other.

WH's father has been trying to communicate with him as HE did the exact same thing to WH's mom when WH was a kid so he wanted to share his experience and regrets - WH will not talk to his dad about it at all - it's only small talk and he doesn't bring up the situation to his dad, and avoids it when his dad brings it up to him. His dad is frustrated but I know he will have his back no matter what, and especially during our divorce when it comes time.

How did your WS's family react and how is their relationship now?

His parents were mortified, and have been my biggest allies. The things they've had to do.....just so wrong.

His father laid into him bad one afternoon after the end of the TT.

His youngest brother refused to speak to him for 4 months. It's probably good he wasn't around for all the TT and things that went down...he may have killed fWH.

His other brother still doesn't know, we have chosen not to tell him because of his own struggles right now.

fWH has a decent relationship with his parents now, though I'm not sure they will ever see him the same way again. They don't trust him and they hate what he's done to all of us. (Circumstances during the A meant he directly lied to them, even used them at times to be with OW)

He and his brother are speaking again, but I don't think he will ever look up to his big brother the same.

Yeah that is what I assume will happen to my WH and his family... I am sure they will eventually be speaking again but wonder if it will ever be the same - especially for his brother.

His mum swept it under the rug. Is very rude to me. His stepfather sees it as "a silly thing that happened once upon a time." His sister hasn't even mentioned it. Nor his brother. They did send me separate Christmas cards though, and didn't acknowledge my birthday this year.

My family see it as an act of pure evil and seem to have taken it as a personal insult to each and every one of them.

Ideally, I'd go with a happy medium....somewhere between the two. Cross, but not to the point that they're rude and unflinching. Relaxed, but not to the point that they deny any wrongdoing.

My wife's parent's were absolutely crushed, but (like me), love their daughter nonetheless. Fortunately, they are solidly behind reconciliation.

One of my FWH's sibs is a major WS, so not any support there for fidelity. No biggie because the other sibs all said "We choose you!" (meaning me) and told him so.

Neither his nor my parents were in the land of the living by that time.

They already knew and had been lying to me/throwing cash at me- rugsweeping at the best.

They had met his girlfriend. And did not tell me. Even when I asked. They pretended to "help" me.

They are horrible people.

His older sister is also an OW who has an affairage- which they supported.

Have I mentioned how much I cannot stand his family ?

Back this time last year, when I was reeling from the 1st DDay (when I discovered EA that he refused to tell the truth about), I thought my ILs blamed me. We did not speak from January until May, even though we live on the same property.

When we began talking R, they seemed to warm up to me, and we just sort of rugswept the whole thing. After the final blow-up, we sat down and talked it all out... turns out H was telling them stuf about me that wasn't true and vice versa. They were furious and disgusted with him, especially when they found out he was involved with OW while he was in the apartment.

After the final Dday in August, his mother BLASTED him and OW. (OW kept calling ILs house trying to get in touch with him) MIL told H that if she ever found out he had even contacted OW in any way again, she would boot him off her property forever. She told him if he decided that was what he wanted, he better be sure because he (and OW) would NEVER be welcome in her home.

MIL and FIL have been 2 of my biggest supporters over the past 4 months, but are also H's biggest supporters as long as he is willing to work towards R and recovery.

My mother-in-law was kind enough to send me an email stating that "she supports WW unconditionally."

I swear when she dies, I'm spending her money on a Porsche Turbo, just so she can watch me drive it from hell.

They have tried their best to support me. His mother said it's the worst thing they've ever been through and cries alot. However they've taken him back into their home and his mother now cooks his meals every night and does his laundry. Unreal. They also say they understand why he 'shuts down' and that's his way of coping. But then his Mum will call him a bastard. I think in some ways they've made it worse as instead of having an OW fog he now has a 'living back with mummy being looked after and not having to sort anything out' fog.

They also helpfully told him to think about all the things that he thought were wrong on our relationship if he wanted to try again. Yeah, thanks for setting him off in that mindset.

They don't know.

Against our MC's advice, we have not told them. I don't believe his mother and sister could keep it to themselves and I do not wish to be talked about by his extended family - most of whom I dislike and many of whom are serial adulterers. I sometimes wish they knew as I find their adoration of him as the perfect husband annoying.

But, now I suspect his sister of being in an EA or PA, so I am not sure how she would react.

Like everything else negative in our M, the A was my fault They blamed me for the A saying that if I just wore make-up, fixed my hair and wore it long, exercised, and wore sex muffin clothes all the time, that Do3K wouldn't have cheated (okay, I paraphrased the clothes thing but, it's what they meant ). Little do they realize, Do3K hates make-up, prefers my hair short, doesn't care about my weight (he just wants me to be healthy and happy) and hates revealing clothing. When they said all of this on D-Day, I was not about to sit back and let them say all of that. So, I went off on them. To this day, they blame me for everything and treat me badly.

My parents don't even acknowledge that it happened. Quite honestly, I don't think they really care that Do3K cheated

As far as I know, no one in his family knows of his affair--or the earlier infidelities.

I don't think they'd care one single bit---except perhaps in a Schadenfreud-y sort of way. (I think it likely that his mother, at least, might derive some pleasure from it---both that her son became what she told him, from the cradle, he'd be---and that the kids and I were hurt. She's not a nice woman. And I'm not sure that the rest of the family would not respond similarly.)

I don't expect the kids or I will ever see any of them again, and I doubt my husband will, either.

They were outraged at WS, WS's father had thoughts of moving away (due to embarrassment), disowning her and throwing her out of his will. They were very supportive of me and my boys. Things have levelled out a bit now being S for over a year, but they still treat me like gold. They sent me a Christmas card with a little hand-written note saying they marvel at my character through this process. They are great people. WS bitches and complains about them (and my parents) all the time.

How did your WS's family react?

Like the assholes they have always been. It was all my fault. So was his addiction issues. Plus, I'm a "heartless lying bitch" (his twin- the pastor- said that). I also blow everything out of proportion and have treated FWH so badly that it is surprising that he wasn't in worse shape (FIL-the pastor- said that).

Of course, his A wasn't a "real affair" so it doesn't count. They did a lot of really vicious (and criminal) stuff specifically to hurt me and it didn't bother them one bit that DS was caught in the middle of it.

His younger brother, on the other hand, pushed him to start AA immediately and apparently chewed FWH out over the A and told him to get his shit together and take care of his family.

When the remorse hit, FWH tried talking to his twin and his dad about their behavior. It had zero impact.

How is their relationship now?

Peaceful, for the most part. We're completely NC with almost all of FWH's family. The younger brother and a young adult nephew are the only ones either of us have contact with. We still get the ocassional nastygram from FIL, but we've maintained NC on our end.

I don't miss them.

[This message edited by Fighting2Survive at 4:33 PM, January 3rd (Tuesday)]

My FWS called his mom a few days after d-day and told her,"Ive done something wrong. I was unfaithful." She told him she was ashamed of him and asked if we were going to work things out. He told her,"I think so." Since then? Nothing. Nada. Zip. When we go to their house they say nothing to us at all about it. His mother,who used to tell me I needed to call her "mom",who used to tell me she loved me like a daughter,has not pulled me aside and asked me how I am doing. Her son has dropped a bomb into the middle of our lives,and she hasnt asked if I need anything or if Im ok. Neither has my FIL,but he is a quiet man so that doesnt surprise me. MIL,however,is a whole other story. think Marie from Everybody Loves Raymond. That's her.

FWS says they are just being respectful and letting us work things out on our own. Um,ok. Fine. But it bothers me that no one has asked if Im ok..when Im clearly not.

Affair? What affairs? Their little darling couldnt possibly do such things. Oh, but if he did, it must be because I'm a raving bitch or am too controlling.

I doubt if most of his family even knows I divorced him since he rarely speaks to any of them unless he needs something. I know his mother is aware of the divorce because I emailed her myself. I never got a response, but then, I wasnt looking for one either.

I emailed her to let her know to contact HIM if she wanted to see the kids.

My MIL is proud of her daughter and has posted statements on FB saying so. She says her D has to get out of our M in order to grow and has actually encouraged WW to follow through with the D so she she can become the woman she is meant to be.

When I first confronted my WW, she denied almost everything even though I had solid proof. She went to her parents to complain about my false accusation. Her father came to our house and met privately with me for a couple hours. It was very emotional and I did not tell him everything I knew. I just told him I was certain her regular visits to the doctor's house were not innocent. He said that his baby girl had never lied about anything and that there was nothing wrong with her friendship with the doctor. About three days later my WW confessed to her parents and then to our kids. I have not spoken to her parents since. They are nice people and in their mid-70's. It was sad that my MIL told my daughter that I may have also had affairs. I took that very hard, but have excused it due to their old age. I was not invited to thanksgiving or christmas at their house. My WW's older sister knew my WW was going over the doctor's house but did not stop her as she thought it was innocent. My feeling is that either she is really dumb or trying to sabotage our message. I believe we are heading for divorce as the mountain to reconciliation seems too high for my WW and increasingly me. Thanks for reading.