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My MIL said I needed to be knocked off of my pedistal because I wasnt perfect and that she didn't want to get involved.

When I tried to talk to her about it she told me I should never bring up the A to my WH. She said to bite down on my tongue if I had to. Yeah, that happened.

None of them know by my choice. I couldn't do that to them as I know for a fact it would kill them--it's not their burden to carry as far as I am concerned. He chose to have the affair, but WE chose to reconcile so it's between us only.

After my first dday I told only one person, my MIL. A few years later when he was in the A she was my sounding board, I was doing all I could to catch him and she was my wingman.

When dday hit she finally told my FIL and SIL they were so upset with him and backed me like I was flesh and blood.

I am very very lucky to have such a wonderful set of inlaws. I've heard horror stories and I've always had a wonderful relationship with mine. They know my FWH, they dealt with his drama and shit for years and years before I came along and they were always worried that he'd do something stupid and drive me away. I don't think they expected cheating but none of us were surprised, just really hurt and disappointed.

My poor MIL lost just as much weight as I did after dday and was a sobbing wreck, I suggested anti d's for her, but she was able to get through it bless her heart.

They all get along fine now, but they like me have given him one last chance to turn it around. If he fucks up again, he's losing all of us for good.

No one in his family knows. On my side only my mom, my best friend, one of my three sisters and my female cousin know. They were all crushed and disappointed. They really held him in high regard and never thought in a million years he'd do something like this too me. He has called them all and apologized profusely and has promised to do every and anything he can to make the situation better.

His SIL was a WS just a few months prior to our DDay. Her BH made her tell her whole family that she had cheated on him, then he divorced her.

MIL apparently knew fWH wasn't happy (SHE knew, I did not) and was seeing his Ex-W.

When I found out about the A and about MIL having OW over for dinner I sent a message to her and SIL asking them to un-friend OW on FB.

MIL blamed me for the A. Told me I should be looking inside myself for the cause and not blaming other people. SIL was silent.

I went off on how cheating is wrong, etc and now SIL isn't speaking to me and is trying to turn the rest of the family against me.

MIL claims she wants us to work things out but has blocked me on FB and hasn't spoken to me since. She also continues to insist that OW is no threat to me and that her relationship with OW is fine and I shouldn't be bothered by it.

I don't know who else in his family knows. I told his closest cousin and she's been very supportive. I've not told her much because I don't want to drag her in. It was just nice to have one person support me.

None of his family knows about the SA or the craigslist activity. I think that might make a little difference in how they treat me but I can't out him to them. He has to be the one to do that. I feel completely cut off from them all and I hate it. We used to be really close. I've known them all for most of my life.

We are in R, but I don't think the relationship with his family will ever be the same. The only good thing is that we live on an island 3000 miles away so we don't have to see them.

Hard to say, but I'm assuming that my MIL was jumping for joy.

She'd done everything in her power to break us up and an A must have looked perfect.

Of course when it became apparent that the the OM wsn't going to leave his BW, she must have been devistated. TOO F***KING BAD

!

I told them all.

No one has contacted me since dday except one SIL.

That speaks volumes to me.

They don't know. They don't know about the affairs; his mom sort of knows about the addiction-but only to porn. I personally think it is long past time for him to talk to them about this *family* disease...but it's not my job to do it.

I'm not super-hopeful about their reaction, though. As a family, they do a lot of rugsweeping, and even he fears what they will say behind our backs- they gossip.

I do feel my situation is a little different in that we moved 800 miles away before marriage (a year) then flew home to get married and so they were not around for most of our 10 yr marriage and he's been able to spin it to those that didn't care either way that I was the bad guy.

Few years later, I talk to his father and wife, and a sibling and while I think they probably all think it was shitty - in the end, who cares b/c the kids are fine and their relative is happy. That's all they really care about.

[This message edited by wannabenormal at 6:57 PM, January 3rd (Tuesday)]

my fwh's dad knows bc i was on the phone with him most of the day when they were fishing and i was home devastated and was having a hard time dealing with it all. so he had to tell him. his dad is a wh many times over, not sure how many but fwh says he told him it was not good what he did. who knows if that's true. i have never felt good enough where he is concerned. his son is perfect and therefore deserves a perfect wife. he is a master at passive aggressive so he never had the balls to openly criticize me. anyway my mil who i adore does not know and i'm glad bc about two weeks later, after d-day, we found out she has breast cancer and is in the final days of treatment now, thank the Lord. it is hard to not share it with her. we are very close but i want to spare her more pain and oddly too spare my fwh, he is remorseful. as for my family, my sister knows and my mama too bc i was at my mama's celebrating my sister's bd and i was getting her help seeing if i could upgrade my husband's phone for his bd a few days later. (no good deed goes unpunished huh?) she does more on her phone than me so i thought she'd be able to see it easier, quicker, but instead she/we found the tremendous list of texts and calls from the OW. and so it began. my daddy doesn't know. it would kill him, he really loves my h and my sister and her kids do too which makes it horrible even more. also my sis was cheated on by her husband with a coworker too. except their's was a pa and they got married and she is still a royal ass and so is he most times. my mama was supportive but hesitates to talk about it too much bc you guessed it, she is a ww and now is married to her om, if you can call him a man. my dad is not immune either, he cheated too so infidelity has ravaged my family to pieces. i was just hoping i'd escape. not to be though. now my main goal is to protect my children from the pain of my fwh's infidelity and to teach them to never do it to anyone else, when they are old enough of course.

My XHs family does not know about the A as the reason for the D. I told him he could tell them whatever he wanted to, but if they were ever unkind to me, I would let them know exactly what happened. They are very cordial to me, and I've held up my end of the bargain and never said anything to them.

At the time, I didn't feel like it was a good idea to spill the beans to his 80 year old mother. XHs sister guessed that infidelity was involved since she was also a BS and we talk on the phone regularly.

I didn't tell my family until I knew we were heading to D. They would not have treated him well, especially at first.

They were all pretty gutted about it. After all, they watched the whole messy dirty thing unfold. H was away visiting and staying with his family (without me) and OW has been like a part of the family for years. Like a daughter, like a sister.

OW decided she wanted to be a real member of the family, and H went right along for the ride, totally.

H family were all horrified.

The A was short lived but the repucussions within the family have been huge.

OW doesn't think she did anything wrong and the family, while very supportive of me, they also still love and keep in touch with OW although they don't talk about it. and it is hard not to feel betrayed by that.

My H has had NC since DD.

Needless to say, H has huge FOO

issues. They live very far away, and OW lives even further away.

What OnlyLonely said:

They know my FWH, they dealt with his drama and shit for years and years before I came along and they were always worried that he'd do something stupid and drive me away.

When I told my MIL, she told me that my now-XH was no longer welcome in their home and I would always be their DIL. My XH left me a short time for an OW 18 years ago, and they never forgot it. She even told me they were going to write him out of their will. They sent both me and my DD (their granddaughter) very thoughtful Christmas gifts.

My XH has 2 sisters; one supported me and the younger one didn't. As my MIL told me, they think my XH told her lies, which she believes. Some people will believe what they want to believe, regardless of the facts.

So I unfriended her on FB. That's the only person I unfriended. Everyone else, and I mean everyone else, had my back. Including my aunt and uncle who are the OW's parents (my fat ass cousin is the OW).

Mine completely embraced the behavior (his sister is a LTA OW, for many, many years).

We no longer see them, since they are not "friends of the M", and they still see OW.

None of them know. She was too embarrassed to tell any of them knowing they would be pissed at her. If they knew I don't think I could be around them. I'm very ashamed my wife would do this to me.

We live with my inlaws and after a smart ass comment i made that my wh would probably have to do the paperwork to add another kid to his benefits his mother asked if i was pregnant. i said i wasnt but that so and so at work thinks she might.

at first his family seemed supportive but infact just believe i am the spawn of the devil and have made him make all the wrong choices. Well accept for the A. i am such a horrible wife, what else could he do but find someone to fill his needs..... note sarcasim...

They (MIL & SIL) admitted later they kinda knew something was up...SIL prides herself on having told the OW to back off...ya right. Thanks for the heads up ladies. Oh and as long as he doesnt have intercourse he isnt cheating...bjs dont count... he can lie to me all he wants and talk to whomever he wants about whatever he wants and thats just fine....

gotta love "family"...

The same way they react to ALL problems....If we don't discuss it, it doesn't exist. When I insisted on talking about it after each time I found the affair to still be going on, they told me that I needed to stop looking for evidence and we would be fine. So it was my fault for catching him....Again, their baby couldn't possibly be doing anything wrong.

I'd tell my mom, but the South Boston Irish Catholic family network spreads gossip faster than Facebook.

No thanks.

H's mom and dad were extremely disappointed in him. They are devout Catholics and his poor mom just kept saying, "We raised you better", and "You have to figure out why you did this". They were also good about reassuring him that while they didn't approve of his behavior, they did still love him. (as I believe parents should do).

I don't think it is awkward now from their standpoint, but if you ask my H, he'd probably disagree. When we were visiting them the week after Christmas, his mom asked us how things were going. I appreciated that she asked, but it made him feel uncomfortable. They always let us know that they love both of us and are praying for us to make it through. It's funny, but one of the saddest things I thought of after d-day was that if H and I divorced, I would really miss his parents. They are good people that I love very much! (God took pity on my this time, 'cause my first set of in-laws....oh boy!!)

My FIL doesn't believe his son could do that, and anyway I probably deserve it because I cheat on him all the time. (his words - to my face)

His mother is silent mostly. I told her the last time and she didn't believe me then. They went from being loving affectionate second parents to absolute strangers when I left my husband after my 2nd child was born. Our relationship never recovered, mostly I think they believe I'm lying about it all. I was so sick of them telling me how I could be a better wife I finally told his mother everything. Her husband told her not to believe my "stories".

They adore their "baby boy". He's the 3rd child, the eternal baby. I'm a first child, the eternal caregiver.