Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Wayward Side :
Things that every WS needs to know

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 HUFI-PUFI (original poster member #25460) posted at 7:48 AM on Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

A shameless bump for Scared66 so he can gain a better understanding of what is happening in the head and heart of his wife.

Don’t listen to your head, it’s easily confused. Don’t listen to your heart, its fickle. Listen to your soul, God doesn't steer you wrong.

posts: 3310   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2009   ·   location: Azilda, Northern Ontario
id 4654077
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starsfadingaway ( member #28458) posted at 9:32 AM on Monday, June 28th, 2010

Bump for me to re-read and WhyAmILikeThis

I hope it may help you

((Hugs))

Me (33) - WS
Him (33) - BS (Lotsa)
Together 13 years
"What the caterpillar calls the end, the rest of the world calls a butterfly" Lao Tsu
I wish for you that butterfly and I hope that I can be the flower you land on....

posts: 86   ·   registered: May. 6th, 2010
id 4662546
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WhyAmILikeThis?? ( new member #28887) posted at 7:49 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

BUMP for all the newbies like me who needed this advice. This is the BEST I have seen and I have been searching since D-day relentlessly

me WS 33
BH 32
D-day 6-4-10
2 D-day complete honesty 6-13-10

posts: 33   ·   registered: Jun. 25th, 2010
id 4666590
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wincings_sparkle ( member #27129) posted at 2:51 AM on Sunday, July 4th, 2010

Bump

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

posts: 1615   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2010
id 4673070
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uncertainone ( member #28108) posted at 3:27 PM on Tuesday, July 6th, 2010

bump for newbies

Me: 37

'til the roof comes off. 'til the lights go out. 'til my legs give out, can't shut my mouth

posts: 6795   ·   registered: Mar. 31st, 2010
id 4676405
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wincings_sparkle ( member #27129) posted at 4:44 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2010

Bump for new members.

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

posts: 1615   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2010
id 4697380
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tryingtofindaway ( new member #29078) posted at 7:46 PM on Sunday, July 18th, 2010

This is very helpful considering I just found this place today. It's definitely given me alot to think about more importantly helps me to have faith in what I'm feeling.

posts: 50   ·   registered: Jul. 18th, 2010
id 4697649
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RKT429SS ( member #28883) posted at 5:12 PM on Monday, July 19th, 2010

BS here, but please don't delete/move.

I just sent this post to my WW. We are in R, 4 months since D-day. She read it and responded back. I'm going to quote her and not leave a thing out. Hopefully it will help both sides relate:

I've read over the entire posting and the comments that were added. I still don't get all the acronyms, but I gather that I need to target being a FWS - not sure what the F stands for though. Much of what was in the text are things you have mentioned to me in one form or another. It was amazingly powerful to have it all written down in one place - I'll try to read over this every day or so, just to remember what you are going thru.

I'm not doing so great with the patience - I want to move on and that's not fair to you and your grieving. I'm trying to forget and focus on the future and you need time to reflect on the past - I need to be better at remembering that. I am truly remorseful - I realize that I had all the 'fun' and you have only gotten gut-wrenching pain and suffering for my actions. I want to make things right between us and I am committed to working it out. I just need to keep remembering that you need time and this isn't something that can be fixed overnight. I struggle with the fact that I had to end things so finally (there really was an end point) and that you can't do that - it will take time for you to come to terms with everything and that won't happen immediately or even any time in the near future.

I truly feel powerless when you have your moments - and I feel especially at those times that you're going to come to the conclusion that all this pain and suffering isn't worth all the effort and that you're going to walk away. It doesn't help that I don't know what to say or do when you are at these low points and that frustrates me to no end. I know that you say you love me, but when I see how much pain I've caused you, I wonder if the love you have for me is enough to get us thru this. And knowing that you don't believe half of what I say, I hesitate to tell you how much I love you and need you, not knowing whether or not you'll believe me when you're so down.

I'm sorry that you feel that I'm yelling at you - its truly my frustration bubbling up. I don't know how to fix things and I get anxious and frustrated. I'm an emotional person and have a tough time keeping those emotions under control when we have our discussions. When I try to keep my emotions under control, I worry that you'll think I don't care. So generally, this is another lose-lose for both of us.

You just need to keep reminding me to be patient and to re-read this posting.

I do love, cherish and need you. You are amazingly forgiving and I'll try to be worthy of your forgiveness. I'm so very sorry for causing you this pain and I will continue to try to be patient as we move forward in our healing. I never want to cause you any pain and I vow to do whatever it takes for you to love and trust me again.

Love, Me

[This message edited by RKT429SS at 11:16 AM, July 19th (Monday)]

Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R

posts: 217   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2010
id 4699005
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Trying2Survive2 ( member #25758) posted at 11:35 PM on Monday, July 19th, 2010

Ditto:

ALl i can say is WOW.

Best Damn post i ever read.

Thank you so much for posting this...

Faithful Wife ME 52
FWH 47
DDAY #1 1/11/09 EA Online ONLY (NC)
DDAY #2 6/2010 Admitted PA with the same PIG(12/08)
"Anything may be betrayed, anyone may be forgiven, but not those who lack the courage of their own greatness"

posts: 1376   ·   registered: Oct. 6th, 2009   ·   location: USA
id 4699597
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deeppurple ( member #28757) posted at 11:43 PM on Monday, July 19th, 2010

That is so so powerful - Im crying - i wish my WW would write that to me - I would feel so much better.

Me - BS 49
Her - WS 43
Married 16 yrs (together 17 yrs)
DD13 DS10 DS8 DS6
DDay 1 6.4.2010 dday 2 7.25.2010
Heading for divorce.
"Never look down on someone unless you are helping them up"

posts: 522   ·   registered: Jun. 9th, 2010   ·   location: Where the sun is shining & the surf is pumping
id 4699608
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whatdoto ( member #28555) posted at 4:25 PM on Thursday, July 22nd, 2010

I printed it out and read it to my WH last night. He thanked me and now I thank YOU.

"If your ideal image of yourself is in the future, it's going to stay there".

posts: 1187   ·   registered: May. 18th, 2010   ·   location: Texas
id 4704421
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Hope24 ( member #9344) posted at 4:14 PM on Thursday, July 29th, 2010

Bump

She packed up her potential and all she had learned and headed out to change a few things.

posts: 7772   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2006   ·   location: Poolside
id 4716139
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let it be me ( member #29103) posted at 5:10 PM on Friday, July 30th, 2010

bump.... first thing I printed out for my WH and he has read and read and read it... printed out next a few things from the healing library and then downloaded the book (suggested by some on here) 'Infidelity Crisis'....

I believe just giving him the resources and tools WH needs right now as coping mechanisms has truly made the difference in where our M sits as to possible reconciliation... Thanks HUFI for your willingness and courage to share!!!!!!!

Me/BS/40~Him/fWH/42 Both in IC
MC put 'on hold' till my IC agrees
DD~07/19/10 R on hold till my IC agrees
BP1 DX 10/2011&Complex PTSD 7/1998
"There are no mistakes in tomorrow"

posts: 337   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2010   ·   location: Eastern NC
id 4718152
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wincings_sparkle ( member #27129) posted at 6:09 PM on Sunday, August 1st, 2010

Bump for newbies

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

posts: 1615   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2010
id 4721035
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BrokenRoad ( member #15334) posted at 2:02 AM on Monday, August 2nd, 2010

{Him}FBH - 50 (WifeHad5){Me} FWW - 50 2 kids: 14 & 19 Reconciled :)*Learning is a gift. Even when pain is your teacher.*

posts: 12594   ·   registered: Jul. 13th, 2007   ·   location: Midwest
id 4721496
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prayformiracle ( member #22845) posted at 3:35 AM on Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Bump for new members.

Iwantamiracle, you are my everything, I will love you always and forever. Life without your smile, your love is empty and sad.
I will not stop working on me on us, I will not stop caring, will not stop loving you, ever. Faithfuly and commited.

posts: 412   ·   registered: Feb. 13th, 2009
id 4721625
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let it be me ( member #29103) posted at 5:49 PM on Monday, August 2nd, 2010

bump because i needed to re-read this and still know it is good information....

Me/BS/40~Him/fWH/42 Both in IC
MC put 'on hold' till my IC agrees
DD~07/19/10 R on hold till my IC agrees
BP1 DX 10/2011&Complex PTSD 7/1998
"There are no mistakes in tomorrow"

posts: 337   ·   registered: Jul. 21st, 2010   ·   location: Eastern NC
id 4722422
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WhatIdo ( new member #29191) posted at 6:23 PM on Monday, August 2nd, 2010

Thank you for this. We are only one week away for D-day, but I think this will be invaluable as time, healing, and recovery, go forward from here. Thank you.

posts: 5   ·   registered: Jul. 31st, 2010   ·   location: USA
id 4722495
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wincings_sparkle ( member #27129) posted at 2:54 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2010

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."
- Catherine Ponder
Me-FWW. BH-wincing_at_light

posts: 1615   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2010
id 4727120
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staywithme ( member #28193) posted at 2:56 AM on Thursday, August 5th, 2010

I keep copies of this everywhere. I read it all the time - one of the best post on here.

Let the beauty of what you love be what you do - Rumi

DDay: 04/23/2009
FWS

posts: 229   ·   registered: Apr. 9th, 2010
id 4727123
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