Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Wayward Side :
Things that every WS needs to know

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kaylee711 ( member #44435) posted at 11:16 AM on Monday, August 11th, 2014

As a BS, I'm having the hardest time with the confusion aspect - you hit the nail right on the head - even though my happy-sad-angy-happy-super angry-sleepy-forgetfulness is way off the charts, I am comforted to know that there's no shame as BS feeling this:

CONFUSION: They’re disoriented. They can’t think straight. They become impatient, disorganized and forgetful. More frequently than usual they go to a room to retrieve something, but once they get there they can’t remember what it was. This is very upsetting to them. Bear with them. Be gentle and be helpful. Help them find their misplaced purse or locate their lost keys. Know that they will eventually come out of the fog. Also be aware that their confusion, as with other states listed here, may be set off or magnified by certain “triggers.” (Note: Read more about “triggers” below.)

posts: 51   ·   registered: Aug. 9th, 2014   ·   location: Texas
id 6905250
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Headunderwater ( new member #44484) posted at 9:07 PM on Tuesday, August 12th, 2014

Thank you for posting this even if it wasn't as reassuring as I thought. after reading this it actually became more apparent to me that R may not be an option for me and my WS. reading through these thing they all seem like great advice and things that would go a long way into healing us but unfortunately they are not things that I could see my wife actually doing...

posts: 13   ·   registered: Aug. 12th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 6907279
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sarahstar ( member #43889) posted at 10:59 AM on Friday, August 15th, 2014

thankyou for posting this

posts: 216   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2014
id 6910582
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remorsefulww ( member #42029) posted at 4:06 PM on Saturday, August 16th, 2014

Bump

DD 1 2009 EA/PA, DD 2 2014, broke nc 2015.All the same AP
His DD 9/16/2015 ONS & EA,PA with coworker.
Mad Hatters
WW/BW Me
BH/WHJSG1

posts: 82   ·   registered: Jan. 12th, 2014   ·   location: new york
id 6912209
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 1:06 AM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014

bump

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6919144
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trying22 ( member #44592) posted at 4:25 PM on Friday, August 22nd, 2014

As the BS this post validated what I'm feeling and made me feel less crazy. Ps I loved that at one post said do not call them 'crazy' or 'irrational'. It's so true I hate these words because he has no idea the pain I feel. He can try to understand and relate but in the end he really can't.. And I'm not crazy and it hurts to hear him call me that.. I start to believe him and think that I'm somehow fucked up in my thinking and the problem is me..

posts: 77   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2014
id 6919864
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 8:35 PM on Friday, September 5th, 2014

bump

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6935831
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AceKnight ( new member #39832) posted at 4:01 PM on Sunday, September 7th, 2014

My BS showed this post to me last night, and I have just printed it out as a guide to help me with any attempt at R that can possibly happen.

I feel extremely hopeless at times because I cannot get things perfectly right when it needs to be perfect.

Thanks for being willing to share what hope there is!

posts: 28   ·   registered: Jul. 15th, 2013   ·   location: California
id 6937561
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Sparkle0504 ( member #40379) posted at 10:29 AM on Wednesday, September 17th, 2014

Bump

Me 50 (BS) Him 58 (SAWH)
DDay (too many to mention), but 1st 06/2011
I'm done. Separated.

Time is always right, to do right. (Dr Martin Luther King)

posts: 396   ·   registered: Aug. 21st, 2013   ·   location: England
id 6948680
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5454real ( member #37455) posted at 5:15 AM on Saturday, September 20th, 2014

bump

BH 53, WW 45
DS 25(Mine),SD 24,SS 23(Hers),DS 12 Ours, DGS 6, DGD 2
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 13yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

posts: 5668   ·   registered: Nov. 12th, 2012   ·   location: midwest
id 6952435
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 3:51 PM on Sunday, October 12th, 2014

👊 bump

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 6975451
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RKT429SS ( member #28883) posted at 12:49 AM on Saturday, October 18th, 2014

.

Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R

posts: 217   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2010
id 6981051
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BtraydWife ( member #42581) posted at 4:03 PM on Friday, November 14th, 2014

Bump

Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010

posts: 5437   ·   registered: Feb. 25th, 2014   ·   location: United States
id 7010212
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Regret44 ( member #45384) posted at 4:06 PM on Friday, November 14th, 2014

Timely. Thanks.

posts: 330   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2014
id 7010215
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Macsecond ( member #43972) posted at 9:44 PM on Tuesday, December 9th, 2014

bump

Me - WW (42)
Him - BH (40)
Married 18 years.
2 amazing daughters (DD10 and DD6)
DDay - July 4, 2014 (I confessed to 5 month OEA)

posts: 815   ·   registered: Jul. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7036679
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sarahstar ( member #43889) posted at 12:25 AM on Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

bumping as well

posts: 216   ·   registered: Jun. 27th, 2014
id 7036864
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singingtheblues ( new member #45085) posted at 1:43 AM on Wednesday, December 10th, 2014

Giving this the bump... Exactly the refresher this WH needed...

Me: WS, 45.
Wife: BS, 44.
Married 11 years
DD1: 10/4/12 (admitted EA, lied about PA).
DD2: 8/18/14 (PA discovered).
2 children: 10 (boy) 7 (girl)

posts: 20   ·   registered: Oct. 2nd, 2014
id 7036935
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rwhitephd ( member #45775) posted at 8:58 PM on Saturday, December 13th, 2014

I am so glad I printed this out. Also printed How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair. Been pouring over both...so many thanks for posting this!!!

Me: WSO (50; 3 kids: son 24, son 16, daughter 14)
Her: BSO (52; 2 kids: daughter 25, son, 21)
together since March, 2013. We're not married, but it feels like a M.
D-Day: 11/7/14
Working towards R?

posts: 275   ·   registered: Nov. 30th, 2014   ·   location: PA
id 7041322
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SisterMilkshake ( member #30024) posted at 4:07 PM on Sunday, January 4th, 2015

*bump* for Mr. and Mrs. Incarnate.

BW (me) & FWH both over half a century; married several decades; children
d-day 3/10; LTA (7 years?)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak." ~ Homer Simpson

posts: 15429   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: The Great White North USA
id 7066013
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Incarnate ( member #46085) posted at 1:36 PM on Monday, January 5th, 2015

Copied original post in its entirety and sent it to my wife... she doesn't take suggestion well at all. We'll see what happens. -hopeful-

Me: BH
She: STBEW
Separated but cohabitating
DD1: 11/29/14
DD2: 8/14/19

What a wicked game we play.

posts: 767   ·   registered: Dec. 26th, 2014   ·   location: Northern California
id 7066860
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