Newest Member: Maifurrypurt

Wayward Side :
Things that every WS needs to know

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lostsuol ( member #13706) posted at 12:01 AM on Monday, November 7th, 2011

Wish my WS would read and take this to heart...

Still a struggle...

posts: 815   ·   registered: Feb. 20th, 2007   ·   location: Canada
id 5522275
flame

LivingOn ( member #31841) posted at 3:48 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2011

Great post!

Sandcrab - where did you get this quote?

"Uni: "The hurt the BS feels is in proportion to how much they love the WS & valued the marriage"

It's great!

Me - BS 40
Her - FWS 42
2 beautiful little girls, 5 & 7.
M - 18 years.
OM - strangers on Craigslist - met many, kissed 5, EA with 1, PA with 2.
D-Day - 6-23-10. TT - 4-??-2011
Working on R.

posts: 117   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2011   ·   location: Dallas
id 5523013
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SLDH ( member #33818) posted at 4:26 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2011

BS here just bawling my eyes out reading this. I wish my WH knew this information. Will print out and ask him to read. It would be of huge help to me if he did and he tried some of these things.

Me - BS, 43
Him - WS, 61
Grown children, each all from previous marriages
D-day Oct, 11 2011

posts: 62   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2011   ·   location: Hurt in neverland
id 5523081
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Time Ticks On ( member #33772) posted at 6:55 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2011

Thank you Hufi-Pufi from the bottom of my heart. My husband said he understood how I felt but he really didn't until he read this. He rarely ever cries but he did after reading your post. Thank you, thank you for helping me show him what it is really like to be me (hugs)

FBW- 50
FWH-51
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 25 years- together 27

What doesn't kill me, scars me.

posts: 2001   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2011   ·   location: Down South
id 5523388
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Time Ticks On ( member #33772) posted at 6:55 PM on Monday, November 7th, 2011

Thank you Hufi-Pufi from the bottom of my heart. My husband said he understood how I felt but he really didn't until he read this. He rarely ever cries but he did after reading your post. Thank you, thank you for helping me show him what it is really like to be me (hugs)

FBW- 50
FWH-51
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 25 years- together 27

What doesn't kill me, scars me.

posts: 2001   ·   registered: Oct. 31st, 2011   ·   location: Down South
id 5523389
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del311 ( member #33840) posted at 3:11 AM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

everything this post stated related to me!! printing so my ww can read...thankyou

BS(me)..39
WS(her)..38
OM(boy)..22(WTF)
Married..18y
2 children..18 & 5
DDay 3/3/11 "EA only"
DDay 3/7/11 "yup PA"
Grasping for R...fingers.cramped.losing.grip...

posts: 98   ·   registered: Nov. 7th, 2011   ·   location: san diego
id 5526071
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del311 ( member #33840) posted at 1:54 PM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Just had to say I read it again and u hit every nail on the head!!

BS(me)..39
WS(her)..38
OM(boy)..22(WTF)
Married..18y
2 children..18 & 5
DDay 3/3/11 "EA only"
DDay 3/7/11 "yup PA"
Grasping for R...fingers.cramped.losing.grip...

posts: 98   ·   registered: Nov. 7th, 2011   ·   location: san diego
id 5526590
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CF1111 ( member #33577) posted at 9:24 PM on Wednesday, November 9th, 2011

Sent this to my IC/MC. She was blown away about it and plans on sharing with other clients. It's a great resource and I wish I found it earlier to my D Day.

Me BS
Her WW
OM neighbor
Married 8 yrs
Kids (2)
D-Day 01/2011
Trying to R, failing lately

posts: 83   ·   registered: Oct. 10th, 2011
id 5527527
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Tiger ( member #33681) posted at 11:20 AM on Friday, November 11th, 2011

Bump

Me BW
Him WH
Two kids
Dday sept 28 2011
Together since 2000, married 2005
On our way to ??

posts: 98   ·   registered: Oct. 20th, 2011   ·   location: Florida
id 5530010
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ShallLoveHer ( member #33811) posted at 11:38 PM on Monday, November 21st, 2011

Bump.

This should be added to the Healing Library...

Me: BH, 43yo
Her: WW, 40yo
Married 16y w/ 3 kids
D-Day #1 Aug 12,2011 D-Day #2 Oct 30, 2011
Currently in the crucible.

John 3:17 - For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

posts: 173   ·   registered: Nov. 3rd, 2011   ·   location: Michigan
id 5546281
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Mongo ( new member #33945) posted at 7:28 AM on Sunday, November 27th, 2011

My wife asked me to read this so I thought I'd bring it to the top of the page for anyone who's missed it.

posts: 31   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2011
id 5553117
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RKT429SS ( member #28883) posted at 8:12 PM on Monday, December 5th, 2011

Bumpage

Me - BS 38
Her - WS 37
MOM - coworker,with 2 kids, EA&PA approx. 6 mo
Us Married 10 yrs (together 15 yrs)
1 girl, 1 boy
DDay 3.15.2010
Working on R

posts: 217   ·   registered: Jun. 24th, 2010
id 5568194
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stilllovinghim ( member #29971) posted at 3:33 PM on Monday, December 12th, 2011

bumpidy bump bump. Bump. Bump.

“You have a choice. Live or die.Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. Every time you don't throw yourself down the stairs, that's a choice. Every time you don't crash your car, you re-enlist.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Survivor

posts: 1944   ·   registered: Oct. 29th, 2010
id 5580071
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fadingmemories ( member #20531) posted at 6:03 PM on Sunday, December 18th, 2011

Thank you so much... You are so on target. We have gone through all of this. It has made me realize my FWH has taken all of these steps and I am happy to say that after a 12 year LTA we are going to make it. Life is better than ever and I am happy to say that the Forgiveness door has opened. I never thought I would have been standing in this doorway.

Me BS
Him FWS
Married 30 Years  Together 36
LTA 12 years
DDay 4/11/08
R 2/14/09
"No matter if you think you can or you can't...either way you are right"
Scars do not form on the dying...
only on the survivors.


posts: 320   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2008   ·   location: North East
id 5591589
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jewel123 ( member #22863) posted at 4:44 PM on Friday, December 23rd, 2011

Bump for a friend!

BS me 44
H 46 (paulie)
married 25 years (hs sweethearts)
dday 8-08
DS19
DS23
New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the tenderest thing known on earth. -Thomas Hardy
Reconciled! :)

posts: 5524   ·   registered: Feb. 14th, 2009   ·   location: MO
id 5599803
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stilllovingher ( member #29959) posted at 2:53 PM on Thursday, January 12th, 2012

Time to bump it

The only difference between a butt kisser and a brown noser is depth perception.
I'm sure WAL would agree.

posts: 2427   ·   registered: Oct. 27th, 2010   ·   location: still BFE, but now BFE, CA
id 5633420
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disgust ( member #34200) posted at 4:12 PM on Thursday, January 12th, 2012

This is wonderful and so spot on. I hope my WS reads it. Thank you for posting it.

posts: 379   ·   registered: Dec. 13th, 2011
id 5633555
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1985 ( member #28171) posted at 9:20 PM on Monday, January 16th, 2012

bump up

Me-BH now 70
Her-fWW now 69 Still beautiful to me
DDay: June 1985. 5 years after A ended
Still married - actually in love
2 grown kids; 5 grandkids

posts: 792   ·   registered: Apr. 7th, 2010   ·   location: Midwest - large city
id 5640765
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afallenangel ( new member #34563) posted at 1:50 PM on Tuesday, January 17th, 2012

Wow, BS here ... I read this and read it over again and over again. It's amazing to me how spot on it is in describing every single emotion that I am and have been going through for the last 9 months.

My WH had recently asked me to find him some literature on this exact subject becase he just can't understand why I am so stuck ... so I printed this out for him as well as copied and pasted into a e-version for him to have on his phone to reference at all times. He emailed me back and told me this morning that he will be reading it several times and that it has already (since last night) made him understand some things that he didn't before and that for the 1st time since DDay he can finally start to understand what is really going on with me and what he can do to help. Apparently some of it sunk in already because it included an apology, an acknowledgement of him being the cause of my pain and a mention of his confidence of us being able to get through this together. WOW ... he just made my day with that. For the first time, I feel hope that he will be better equipped to participate in the healing and R of our M.

Thank you Hufi-Pufi and everyone else on these boards that are giving of themselves input, hope and truth from their own experiences.

Me: 39,BS
Him: 42,WS
DDay: 4/14/11
Together 11.5yrs, Married 6.5yrs
"If a woman asks you a question, it is best to tell the truth because chances are, if she is asking you, she already knows the answer"
Status: R and making progress ...

posts: 45   ·   registered: Jan. 16th, 2012
id 5641906
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OnAnIsland ( member #34319) posted at 12:40 PM on Thursday, January 26th, 2012

I hope my WH reads this. I sent it to him. It made me cry to see so much of what I am feeling written here. Thank you. (Well most things kind of make me cry right now.)

D-day: Christmas 2011
D-day 2: 3/28/2013

Married for over 15 years
2 beautiful sons

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. Maya Angelou

posts: 1486   ·   registered: Dec. 28th, 2011
id 5658077
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