Betrayedbythegoodguy (original poster new member #86128) posted at 10:09 PM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
Any SAHMs out there end up leaving their WHs? What do you have to do to prep for that, financial and job-wise?
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:23 PM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
I wasn't a stay at home mom but became a single mom when I left. Are you going to be receiving financial support from your H? That will be the biggest indicator of financial comfortability for you. I had enough saved to secure my own apartment and moving costs when I left and had a full time job so it made the transition somewhat easier (I received no financial help from my EX). Finances were tight in the beginning but I was able to do it and am now doing well. Also if you co-parent well will be helpful in taking care of the kiddos. Mine were older when I left 14 and 17 so it wasn't as difficult as when they were younger, but still had to get them around. I was not on speaking terms with my EX and am completely NC now that kids have grown up.
[This message edited by crazyblindsided at 10:25 PM, Tuesday, May 6th]
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 10:28 PM on Tuesday, May 6th, 2025
Also have you been to a lawyer? They can help paint a better financial picture for you. Of course it will cost money which you may be able to get them to have your H pay especially if you are a SAHM. Initial visit with a lawyer is usually free.
fBS/fWS(me):52 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:55 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(22) DS(19)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/2024
nekorb ( member #40306) posted at 12:28 AM on Wednesday, May 7th, 2025
I was a SAHM for 20+ yrs when we divorced. It was a PITA for sure.
I got spousal support. I had to do some sort of job evaluation where this person determined what types of jobs I’d be qualified for and how much they paid - this factored into the equation for determining support. Also had to prove I had been applying and not getting hired/interviewed.
It was an adjustment for sure. Terrifying, really, but it all worked out!
Get your ducks in a row - make sure you have financial records copied, watch that he isn’t going on a spending spree with marital cash, etc.
Definitely get legal advice!
Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 M - 22 Years
D-day: 7/2013; D filed 7/2014; Divorced 7-27-16
...the WS affair starts off in a dreamland where everything is all Golly, Wow! and Meant To Be! and Soul Mates drop from the trees to frolic in the mist. -devotedman
SatyaMom ( member #83919) posted at 1:07 PM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2025
I saw a lawyer who was very clear that I would be taken care of. She said his behavior was "cruel" and "constructive dissertion" and infidelity is grounds for divorce in my state - judges don't look kindly. She suggested we see a mediator. My WS is very remorseful and agreed. We spent 3 sessions and it was pretty cut and dry. Now Im in a holding pattern....my husband is doing deep work, we are seperated and I'm giving it time. If we reconcile this document is a legally binding post nuptual agreement that I can use when I file at any time. It has given me security and a sense of security I did not have before.
little turtle ( member #15584) posted at 2:02 PM on Wednesday, May 21st, 2025
I was a SAHM when I got divorced. My parents helped me get a condo in a low-income community. I lived off XH's child support payments. We weren't married long enough for spousal support to be worth it. I had minimal bills. Being in the condo complex was a HUGE help. I got a part time job and eventually re-married and bought a house.
Failure is success if we learn from it.
