No stop sign on this thread but have read all of your posts, including under your other handle.
I will not dig or pound on you as I know from reading your threads that life is doing enough of that right now and you dont need anyone else piling on.
As a former betrayed, I will say that the odds are greatly stacked against amy sort of R attempt in the near future. The marriage has been shot in the head and all that remains is the funeral by divorce where it can be laid to rest. I think that at this point, this is the best course of action and I am sorry. To read of a young marriage, still in its infancy, killed by infidelity is simply tragic and I have lived something similar although we tried to R immediately and both failed and lived in it miserably for a decade.
See, among all of the other horrific aspects of this betrayal, the heart of the heart, the core of the core, is the severing of the pair bond. Pair bonding is more than marriage, in fact, pair bonding is what leads to sealing that pair bond with the exchange of rings & vows and coming together as a married team...supposedly for life (til death do us part and all that).
When the WS enters into adultery, they are somewhat anesthetized from the pain of severing the bond to their BS by limerance which HAS been compared to a drug. When the BS learns of the affair, they experience the severing of the bond sans anesthsea, kind of like surgery with no sedation, and the pain is indescribable (I can attest). Many times the BS desperately looks for anything to deaden the pain, i.e. alcohol, drugs, venting, revenge affairs, tragically, even self deletion to make it stop or at least take the edge off. This is not to say that a WS does not experience pain, its just delayed until limerance wears off then it kicks in in earnest, especially if the WS is even somewhat remorseful. It is then that they too may begin to try their own methods of sedating the pain of their betrayal. Both then are caught in feedback loops of terrible pain (and anger for the BS) and it takes a herculean effort on both party's part to start to right the ship of their individual lives, let alone trying to establish a brand new pair bond which is a bridge wayyyyy to far for most imo.
One of the biggest reasons I hold little hope for any R attempt for you in the near future as that you have so little marital history to fall back on and your foundation story, the story of your early years together, has been blown apart.
The only two similar stories Ive come across where there was a successful R, happened years after divorce and the BS had gotten healing away from their marital traitor. Time and distance played their part also, and a new pair bond was forged.
So, is it impossible to R? No. No its not. Is it improbable? Highly so.
As has been advised so many times on this site, work in yourself now. There is a huge gap in the moral/ethical fabric of your person that must be identified and filled in. It is generally the work of years.
Good luck OP. You have many years ahead of you. Use them well.
[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 4:39 AM, Friday, November 4th]