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Newest Member: BallofAnxiety

Wayward Side :
Should I fake it?

Topic is Sleeping.

 WTDIEC (original poster new member #80750) posted at 1:14 PM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

I'm assuming you're masturbating and "faking" it in these BH filmed videos, is that correct?

No that was in videos I made of myself that I never sent.

I mean holy shit honey, what do you expect the man to do? Your story sounds incredibly and intentionally cruel.

I wasn't expecting anything from BH. I hid two sexting sessions from BH he knew about everything else when it happened, none of that seems to matter either. That is where my problem is. I have never been intentionally cruel or mean to BH. I have a ton of issues that I need to work through. Being able to show emotion other than anger is one of the big ones

it seems the faking it was more to hurt your BH and less to appeal to the AP.

Actually I faked it in my own videos not the ones done with BH because I can't masterbate I just end up more frustrated for the last 5+ years I cant seem to get any sexual pleasure without BH. The A proved it even more.

Are you sure you want to be with your husband? How the hell is he supposed to feel? You have an issue sending videos to this man when you had no issues faking while he's filming knowing you were sending them to someone else?

Yes I am sure I want my Husband. I don't expect him to feel anything good for me not now and maybe never. He may even chose to leave me for good and I'd deserve it. I never faked it while BH was filming me. There is more to the timeline, BH has all of it. I did not post it all here.

What the actual fuck is going on in your mind?

Even I don't know what is wrong with me. Hopefully I'll end up either alone or fixed.

What consequences do you think are appropriate in your situation?

For BH to run with the kids and never come back.

I'ma whole world of crazy and broken that BH deserves better than me.

[This message edited by WTDIEC at 1:31 PM, Monday, September 26th]

WW: WTDIEC (early 30's)
BH: RustyPuff (early 30's)
Together: 17 years
Children: 3 Girls 2 Boys
D-Day: June 21 2022
Still learning
Timeline in my story

posts: 31   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2022   ·   location: Australia
id 8757066

 WTDIEC (original poster new member #80750) posted at 1:31 PM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

I seem to be getting the same thing from everyone here and recently even my BH. I have gotten it my whole life from everyone, so I am going to clarify it.

I may not seem to be able to express empathy or show feelings, but I do feel it. I am barely able to express and show love even though I feel it very strongly. It's like my emotions and my brain have been severed from each other.

I have started to notice that being accused of having no empathy is a major explosive trigger I have and seem to have had my whole life. It is very hard for me to be "normal" like everyone else seems to be.

WW: WTDIEC (early 30's)
BH: RustyPuff (early 30's)
Together: 17 years
Children: 3 Girls 2 Boys
D-Day: June 21 2022
Still learning
Timeline in my story

posts: 31   ·   registered: Aug. 28th, 2022   ·   location: Australia
id 8757068

Dkt3 ( member #75072) posted at 9:29 PM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

Empathy is shown though actions. Words are easy to say, but very ineffective.

One can say I love you and will do anything to make it up...That comes at no cost, no sacrifice or work required. No need for introspection, just words.

What actions have you taken? No just stopping the affair doesn't count.

posts: 111   ·   registered: Aug. 3rd, 2020
id 8757119

Trapped74 ( member #49696) posted at 9:57 PM on Monday, September 26th, 2022

I know he has trauma but then so does a WS otherwise a WS wouldn't be a WS.

Please, please tell me you have never said this or anything like it to him when discussing his super-valid emotions as a result of your betrayal.

Many DDays. Me (BW) 48 Him (WH) 51
Happily detached and compartmentalized.

posts: 270   ·   registered: Sep. 21st, 2015   ·   location: Oregon
id 8757120

pureheartkit ( member #62345) posted at 5:33 PM on Tuesday, October 25th, 2022

Well I know for sure that you are a soul with an infinite capacity for love and can recognize goodness and fairness. Empathy and gratitude are within all of us and we practice them to grow in spirit. No one is without. We practice the virtues we want to grow stronger in.

I'm with chamomile. You're not a vending machine. Don't feel it? No need to fake. That's not the way to love and understanding. Later on if you feel like it's fun then maybe. No forced performance. That's not love. That's not reasonable. That's not tenderness for a partner.

Yes, ws needs to work hard to build trust. Bs can't be unreasonable and make selfish demands that compromise ws. Which leads me to......

Sleep is an essential human need. For health and wellbeing. No other person messes with it. Period. It's like withholding food. That is so out of bounds. No excuse. Certain things are a given to be a decent human. No hitting. No threats against kids or place to be safe. No withholding contact with others. No messing with food or sleep.

No one suffers physically from lack of sex videos. You arent withholding sex. You want to be with him. All these online diversions from life have caused so many troubles for people. TV, the internet, texts...pppft. take a break and go out to dinner. Go walk. Get back to each other. No need to fake anything. Being yourself should be enough.

Thank you everyone for your wisdom and healing.

posts: 2534   ·   registered: Jan. 19th, 2018
id 8762059

DoinBettr ( member #71209) posted at 8:05 PM on Wednesday, November 16th, 2022

I am going to take a different approach with you.
You seem to think your brain does what it wants. It doesn't.
It is like any other organ in your body you can make it do things you want.
It is a muscle. Like if you kept having the same bad dream over and over again, you would start watching things to build up good dreams before bed. Or if you wanted to be able to run without pause for a marathon, you would start small and work your way up to it. Part of that work would be training your brain to push past the discomfort for a goal you have set.
So, let me ask, "What goals have you set?"
It sounds like you really haven't set any and you think your brain is holding you hostage. It isn't. You need to find the goal and make it something attainable, then reach for it. If it is masturbating without your husband, then what does that start with. Do that, then have him show up and proceed. Have him show up later and later until you get there. If it is something more meaningful like say appreciating your husband which it sounds like you don't, lets rewind back to something you can do there. What if you wrote down every day from your husband's perspective how he would have felt about the day prior. That will force you to think about how he thinks and feels. You will build up some empathy for the little things he does that you don't even notice. This was something our couples councilor told my wife to do because she kept thinking she made the whole family run when everyone said the opposite. When she had to sit and think about all the things I do, she just looked at me and didn't realize it before. She couldn't justify why I was doing things to make her happy because it didn't gain me anything. So, maybe try that out, it might work for you.

posts: 716   ·   registered: Aug. 7th, 2019   ·   location: Midwest
id 8765450
Topic is Sleeping.
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