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Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo

Reconciliation :
Could use some encouragement, I screwed up

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paboy ( member #59482) posted at 6:22 PM on Sunday, October 31st, 2021

Have you still got your head above water? Hope all is well.

posts: 597   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8695997
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HUM1021 ( member #6222) posted at 2:41 AM on Tuesday, November 2nd, 2021

A famous statement in Economics: "There are no solutions: only trade-offs."

Everyone has to make their own path. What do you want? What will you trade for it? Can you live with the trade? Can you end up on the good side of the trade?

Me: BS 34
Her: WS 33
M 5 years
dday with 1st OM 4/30/04 EA/PA
dday with 2nd OM 12/11/04 EA/PA
on the reconciliation rollercoaster

posts: 819   ·   registered: Jan. 13th, 2005   ·   location: Colorado
id 8696299
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drumerboy ( new member #59097) posted at 2:58 AM on Friday, November 5th, 2021

It's been 4 years for me and movies like "Unfaithful" and Songs like "Follow Me" by Uncle Kracker still trigger me. My wife knows this and she knows that I have every right to be triggered. The fact that you are triggered means you are still working on stuff and that's a good sign because relationships are something that you never finish working on.

posts: 29   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2017   ·   location: Mississippi
id 8696865
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 1:30 PM on Thursday, November 11th, 2021

Hey...are you ok?

posts: 2491   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8697964
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masti ( member #54237) posted at 3:55 AM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

How are you HCSDI? Have you found some resolution to your situation? Wishing you the best.

posts: 123   ·   registered: Jul. 19th, 2016
id 8702250
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paboy ( member #59482) posted at 8:12 AM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

Yes, you do have a number of us hoping that you are doing well.

posts: 597   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8702263
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 HowCouldSheDoIt (original poster member #78431) posted at 10:53 PM on Friday, December 3rd, 2021

Thank you for all your well wishes, I truly do.

I was out sick with covid for two weeks. I have never been so sick. I'm fine now.

It has been an interesting few weeks. We're talking. Not sure the outcome yet. We have a therapist that seems credible. I will update you all sometime.

HUM1021
There are no solutions: only trade-offs.

That sounds like the marvelous, wonderful Thomas Sowell!

Me: BH Early 50's
Her: WW Early 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Working toward reconciling. The most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.

posts: 292   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2021
id 8702492
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Robert22205https ( member #65547) posted at 1:02 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

Thanks for checking in. Glad to know you're ok.

I hope your entire family is well (didn't catch covid).

posts: 2491   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8702563
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Reddirtman ( new member #77340) posted at 2:18 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

HCSDI,

Long time lurker on the site. After reading your story, I want to wish you and your family the best. Health, and otherwise. Good news about the therapist. You can only eat the whale one bite at a time, and you and your wife are still at the table, so there is hope. Praying that she can slip the fog of her denial from her shoulders, and truly become the person you need. One who is willing to bare her soul, and inner feelings in order that you can receive the healing you deserve. Maybe the holidays will present an opportunity for you both to provide that trust to each other, and reach a resolution, regardless of the outcome. Good luck, and God Bless.

posts: 11   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2021   ·   location: OK
id 8702576
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asc1226 ( member #75363) posted at 3:26 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

Glad to hear you’re doing ok.

I make edits, words is hard

posts: 404   ·   registered: Sep. 7th, 2020
id 8702583
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paboy ( member #59482) posted at 7:02 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

Great to hear from you. smile

posts: 597   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8702614
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Tanner ( member #72235) posted at 8:36 PM on Saturday, December 4th, 2021

Thanks for updating, best wishes.

Dday Sept 7 2019 working toward R
BH 54 WW 48
M 30 years, 4 kids 2 grown 2 grandkids

posts: 1058   ·   registered: Dec. 5th, 2019   ·   location: Texas DFW
id 8702629
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masti ( member #54237) posted at 2:55 AM on Friday, December 10th, 2021

HCSDI I hope you are recovering from the effects of Covid and doing well.
I had a feeling that you were willing to end this marriage due to the lack of effort by your WW. What is the situation now?

posts: 123   ·   registered: Jul. 19th, 2016
id 8703308
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Dazedandconfused1978 ( member #79527) posted at 3:16 AM on Friday, December 10th, 2021

My 2 cents, you need to decide if she is worth trying to R. It seems she isn’t owning the hell and trauma she created. Not one bit remorseful. Don’t hold in your grief. Same time you don’t want to blast her at every turn, I get it. There are triggers everywhere. I’ve tried creating a safe environment that my wife and I can talk. It wasn’t easy in the beginning, but like the others are saying- do some research and listen to some podcasts. There is a wealth of knowledge on this site but you have to be WILLING to take their advice and apply it. But above all, she has to be willing to put in the effort and not blame you for having trauma from the affair.

posts: 65   ·   registered: Oct. 26th, 2021
id 8703310
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masti ( member #54237) posted at 6:32 AM on Tuesday, January 11th, 2022

Are you alright HCSDI? Have you found a way out or is it still in limbo? For your sake I hope you are moving forward from this.

posts: 123   ·   registered: Jul. 19th, 2016
id 8709009
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 HowCouldSheDoIt (original poster member #78431) posted at 10:39 PM on Saturday, January 15th, 2022

I'm doing fine, I will post an update in another thread. This one is getting too long. Thank you so much for asking, it means a lot.

Me: BH Early 50's
Her: WW Early 50's
D-Day Nov 2020
Married 21 years before D-Day
3 children
Working toward reconciling. The most difficult thing I've had to do in my life.

posts: 292   ·   registered: Mar. 3rd, 2021
id 8710076
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Footinmouth ( member #56528) posted at 5:16 AM on Sunday, January 23rd, 2022

This is how I feel too! My only option is to be just fine and smile I can’t rehash or want details that’s very triggering for WH I said I could move on and let it go and if I have any feelings about it that’s it he can’t handle it. I’m sorry your dealing with this too, it’s such a lonely feeling. You did nothing wrong!

posts: 129   ·   registered: Dec. 22nd, 2016
id 8711396
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