I remember some of your post, and started to respond a couple of times, but everything sounded weird. Sounds like your wife (I guess WW or MHW) revenge affaired and has been especially cruel to you.
I am a BW, and I did go through a phase of "You have no right to be upset or say anything critical to me at all" phase with my WH. I very much felt like no matter what I said or did, he should just take it. That was when I was nothing but rage and sadness. That has somewhat subsided (though I stil have my moments).
The thing is I think at the heart of it, most of us betrayed get that you're going through something as well. It's just hard to see past our pain and allow it, I guess, if that makes sense. Your WW may very well feel justified in everything she's throwing out at you. I certainly did (though I didn't go the RA route). Even though you cheated though, you're still a person, and you're allowed to feel and be upset. Since you're in a MH situation, you both need to both be doing some work.
I think there is some stuff a W needs to take, like the constant questions, even anger, etc. When it turns into just keeping you around as a punching bag, then I guess that's where a line starts getting crossed.
Are you in MC? Maybe it's something you can discuss there. I know a lot of people say to forego MC at first, but when you're trying to find out how to relate to each other, it may be necessary.
[This message edited by landclark at 10:11 AM, July 13th (Monday)]
Me: BW Him: WH (GuiltAndShame) Dday 05/19/19 with TT through August
One child together, 3 stepchildren
Together 13.5 years, married 12.5 First EA was 4 months into marriage. Last ended 05/19/19.