Newest Member: Chickenhawk

I Can Relate :
Support Through Prayer ...Part 3

Topic is Sleeping.
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:24 PM on Wednesday, January 27th, 2016

That caused more than a twinge of uneasiness in me, hopeful. I weigh and judge. Looks like that meditation is pointing it's finger straight at me.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7461025
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 2:29 AM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

It struck a chord with me as well steady!

I learned at a young age about finality ....by the time I was 11 my 25 yr old sister and 61 yr old father had died...I was a " menopause baby".... my father had an unshakable faith....maybe it was forced on him? I love God ....God loves ALL his " children"....good and not so good....He is also forgiving....God doesn't care how I found Him .... He's just happy I did...

there is a book that changed EVERYTHING for me..

THE RETURN OF THE PRODIGAL SON.....by Henri Nowen....God is not punitive .....he wants ALL his children with him!

Peace

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7461848
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 3:46 AM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

We have bought the book, hopeful. I haven't read it yet. It is on the reading list.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7461893
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 4:04 AM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

I had to come back and read your post again, hopeful. My Dad passed away at 69. He wasn'r supposed to. I wasn't ready. He was a rock. I am the eldest of 10 children. He was a rock for all of us. I am a rock, too. Just not as big and solid as Dad. I did the eulogy for Dad. And Mom, too. I don't know that I did them justice but others seemed to think so.

You say you father had unshakeable faith but then added that maybe it was forced on him. I don't understand. My Dad had faith and it was a choice for him. A quiet, private choice. It was evident by how he lived and less by what he proclaimed.

I came back to read because what you posted reminded me of something very important to me. Thank you.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7461909
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notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 10:48 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

This year is a Jubilee year of mercy, according to the pope. I didn't know what they were, and if I was to observe that, I figured I'd look it up.

Comfort the afflicted

Forgive offenses

Bear wrongs patiently

Pray for the living and the dead, including the OM?

Those are toughies.

Me: 49 BH Her: 47 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 18, 16, 13, 10 DS 7

posts: 1212   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Southeast
id 7462818
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Merida ( member #42437) posted at 11:14 PM on Thursday, January 28th, 2016

oh man... Henri Nowen = what a life story

we read and did a workshop through our CORE group after retrouvaille

so here is my take on things in our current limbo-state M

I am now feeling like the older son and it's getting really hard to stay positive and thankful some days that the prodigal has returned. Doing recovery work just is hard some days and I say to GOD " ...but Dad, he's still not doing his chores like you asked." and GOD keeps telling me to mind my own business = which is so true.

So I do like the book and recommend reading it although personally I like CS Lewis better = the great divorce, screwtape letters, reluctant convert and mere christianity are like in my top 10 reads

but yes it's been a heckofa wake up to think of WH and OW as angels in disguise to help me find my way closer to GOD - at the time I didn't think I needed quite the kick in the gut reminder but it's all good

read a good prayer, passing along:

Help me to be GOD-dependent. Remind me that you do not expect me to be perfect; rather You have promised to perfect me. I ask that you keep my heart soft as I trust You to be my strength and my shield, my sure defense. In Jesus name, Amen.

"The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you."


"The darkest night is dispelled by the humblest of flames."

posts: 1377   ·   registered: Feb. 11th, 2014   ·   location: Maryland
id 7462844
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hopefull77 ( member #43221) posted at 2:15 AM on Friday, January 29th, 2016

Steady I am not sure what I meant by " forced" ....he was a man of faith a devout Catholic who attended daily mass....I think burying a child challenged him....today is my dads birthday...he'd be 116!! Wow!! I miss that guy!!

I know this much....he loved God and loved the Blessed Mother....he believed in redemption and assured me that he would never leave me....2 days before dday I felt his presence ...it scared me and comforted me all at the same time...cant explain it but can only say I felt like he told me I WAS NOT INVISIBLE....and that is how I felt about my husband during his A....I was invisible ....that is why on dday I went to the cemetery and laid down and actually took a nap....I needed to rest....

I know this might sound weird but I know my parents were still parenting me...it has brought me peace....

as far as the Henri Nowen book....I love the message of being like the Father/ God....forgiving....I always thought that parable/gospel was "flowery hippie dippy" stuff....not so much anymore....don't we all relate to the GOOD SON....that book challenged my thinking....and I love a good challenge!

peace

me-BS him-WS3 adult childrenmarried a long timeLTA 2010-2012D-day - 11-2012 status - reconciling and very hopeful

" I will not define myself by what went wrong yesterday when I can draw upon Life and Love right now."

posts: 2867   ·   registered: Apr. 24th, 2014   ·   location: sunny california
id 7463010
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Gloomyfish77 ( member #50540) posted at 6:50 AM on Friday, January 29th, 2016

Hi all,

I'm new here. I really want guidance from God. I want to reconnect and feel his love. I'm praying.

I have been reading some of this thread and found it inspiring.

Thank you

GF

X

"The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too."

posts: 1040   ·   registered: Nov. 26th, 2015   ·   location: England
id 7463203
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steadychevy ( member #42608) posted at 2:23 PM on Friday, January 29th, 2016

Isn't that something, hopefull. I understand what you write. Two days before DDay you feel his presence. He knew and was helping to prepare you and to show you were not alone. I understand this. Dad passed away in 1995 and I still talk to him. It helps me make decisions I need to make.

Likewise, my parents are still parenting me. More from a guidance way, if that makes sense.

notperfect5, thanks for posting that. I'm okay with the corporal works. There are a couple of the spiritual ones that I am having trouble with. The best professor I had had a re-treading BBQ at his place for his grad students. It was quite a large gathering. He liked to say that it was his role to comfort the afflicted and to afflict the comfortable.

BH(me)70; XWW 64; M 42 yrs
DDay1-01/09/13;DDay2-26/10/13;DDay3-19/12/13;DDay4-21/01/14
LTA-09/02-06/06? OM - COW
"dates" w/3 lovers post engagement;ONS w/stranger post commitment, lies, lies, lies
Separated 23/09/2017; D 16/03/2020

posts: 4679   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: Canada
id 7463386
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StrongHeart ( member #45092) posted at 3:24 PM on Friday, January 29th, 2016

Hey y'all...

It seems like I am always asking for your help and yet, here I am again. I do want to say first that I keep all of you in my prayers.

I am so low and seem to keep sinking. I pray. I love God. I thank God. I plead with him. I lay still. I hand everything over. It has been years that I have been desperately seeking his love and guidance...to feel it. To feel joy and comfort knowing that he is there for me...knowing that I will be okay.

I do not think I will be okay. I still have not found peace. Every time I start to get close, I get shoved back down and it has gotten to the point where I haven't been able to get back up. For about 6 months now. I have been slipping farther and farther into depression. I feel so alone. So scared. So unloved. Please send any words of encouragement.

Thank you all so much.

BS: 32; XWH: 34; DS: 3
DDay: 3/8/2014; D: 8/31/2015

"There is little growing in comfort and little comfort in growing"-unknown

"Don't take your emotional temperature in the ass of a psychopath."-unknown

posts: 1791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Louisiana
id 7463449
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notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 9:23 PM on Friday, January 29th, 2016

Hi Strongheart!

I've never prayed for you, so here's a fresh one!

"Lord please give Strongheart wisdom to know she is loved and treasured. Please lift her up and give her hope that tomorrow can be better. Please give her courage and strength to do your will and care for her son as best she can. Send her help and ease her loneliness. Amen."

Hang in there Strongheart. You matter very much.

Me: 49 BH Her: 47 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 18, 16, 13, 10 DS 7

posts: 1212   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Southeast
id 7463848
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notperfect5 ( member #43330) posted at 9:33 PM on Friday, January 29th, 2016

Strongheart,

Hey, I'm only 10 posts behind you!!!

I think I can catch you....

Now it's just nine!

Me: 49 BH Her: 47 WW - Edith12
DDay 8/13 EA, fake R
Turned PA on 4/27/14 and fake R
PA during MC and my IC and her IC through 12/14
Polygraph on 4/30/15, TT 5/5/15.. TT on 10/4/15, 2nd Poly and TT 11/17/15
DD's 18, 16, 13, 10 DS 7

posts: 1212   ·   registered: May. 5th, 2014   ·   location: Southeast
id 7463857
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 1:01 PM on Saturday, January 30th, 2016

Hi Merida.

I too have read Prodigal Son by Henri. Was thinking I was going to relate to the wayward son....since o did NOT live a Godly life. And I did resonate with some of him. But the elder son.....man, did that guy resonate with me!!!

Though not Godly in nature, I very much tended to task after task in order to "keep things stable and running". I've since uncovered tremendous hidden wounds in me.....wounds that I never thought I had until the pain of my wife's affair revealed them to me. My "elder son" ways of dealing with that pain failed miserably.....when they did I got very angry with God, yelled at him.......but he did not abandon me. After a period of time my anger switched to myself. Oh how satan enjoyed that crap.

Finally....the anger was dug under....and I am left staring at deep heart wounds with no idea on how I, blakesteele, can heal them. This is where I am at currently.

And it's where I am supposed to be.

I turning toward God, the great physician, and holy and nakedly asking him into those wounds so that he may heal them.

I'm not a finished product....but I understand, finally, that's okay. It's okay to not have all the answers, it's okay not to fill my day with one pain-avoiding, busy task after another. Learning I can sit with pain and be peaceful....perhaps even joyful in ways I never knew.

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7464256
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BrokenheartedWif ( member #40955) posted at 3:00 PM on Saturday, January 30th, 2016

Blakesteel

Finally....the anger was dug under....and I am left staring at deep heart wounds with no idea on how I, blakesteele, can heal them. This is where I am at currently.

And it's where I am supposed to be.

I turning toward God, the great physician, and holy and nakedly asking him into those wounds so that he may heal them

You aren't supposed to be able to heal the deep heart wounds. That is where God is supposed to be allowed in to do the healing. I'm so glad you are turning to God and asking him into those wounds.

I also have deep heart wounds, and I'm trying to get out of God's way so He can do what only He can and heal then as I allow. I'm the biggest impediment to God's healing touch. I get in His way and want it to occur on my timetable instead of His.

Keep seeking Him out and letting go and letting God. I know it's easier typed and said than done.

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 7464350
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blakesteele ( member #38044) posted at 4:08 PM on Saturday, January 30th, 2016

Smile....yeah, I finally learned God and ONLY God can heal the heart. Much of my life was ME trying to do that (or doing things that buried and numbed the pain).

He IS healing my wounds.....don't recognize the man I am, excited to see who I will be!

Sorry if I left you with the impression I was doing this all on my own.....I tried to state that I had to come to the end of myself before I recognized and accepted the truth.

While it is a bit unnerving to turn "control" over to God, it's easier when you honestly admit that you never HAD the control of others you thought you did....and that your own self discipline needs improved!

ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not yet incurred.

posts: 5835   ·   registered: Jan. 8th, 2013   ·   location: Central Missouri
id 7464412
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outoftheashes ( new member #49873) posted at 10:23 PM on Sunday, January 31st, 2016

Friends, I'm asking for prayers again. Tomorrow I am having lunch with the OW in order to establish some peace between us for the child's sake. I still fervently pray this child ends up not being H's, but reality is that she more than likely is. I've bought everything we need to be prepared and he and I have tried to prepare ourselves as best we can, so this is one of the last steps. It will be extremely difficult, but is something she and I both feel is necessary. Please pray for strength, wisdom and patience for me for tomorrow. (And a few prayers for a miracle wouldn't hurt either!). Thank you!

posts: 28   ·   registered: Oct. 7th, 2015
id 7465202
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Shock1 ( member #50639) posted at 7:33 AM on Monday, February 1st, 2016

I'll pray for you outoftheashes.

Dear heavenly Father we are thankful for the blessings you have given outoftheashes. We recognize that we have sinful hearts and need your help every day. We ask that the meeting goes well and that your guiding hand helps directs the conversation. There is some very tense emotions and I ask that you provide comfort and peace. I ask that you reveal your will. We ask for knowledge and wisdom.

Amen.

I did not ask that the child not be his even though that would ease your pain. I know for me I'm always looking for a solution but sometimes god put stuff in our path not to find the solution but to find him.

We all fall. But it's the ones who get back up and runs god race who wins

God lays the full blame with great fury upon the unfaithful spouse alone.

posts: 133   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Ca
id 7465522
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StrongHeart ( member #45092) posted at 3:07 PM on Monday, February 1st, 2016

outoftheashes, praying hard for you today. Praying that God make Himself known to you and OW today. That whatever His plan for you is, He give you the peace, strength, courage and love to carry it out. I pray especially that He be with the OW and that He guide her to doing what is best for the baby.

BS: 32; XWH: 34; DS: 3
DDay: 3/8/2014; D: 8/31/2015

"There is little growing in comfort and little comfort in growing"-unknown

"Don't take your emotional temperature in the ass of a psychopath."-unknown

posts: 1791   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2014   ·   location: Louisiana
id 7465708
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BrokenheartedWif ( member #40955) posted at 7:06 PM on Monday, February 1st, 2016

Amen to Strongheart's prayer for outoftheashes

He claims he loved me the whole time of his LTA. I'm not sure I'll survive his kind of love. Whorena The Cumdumpster pretended to be my friend the entire time as well. I'll take an enemy any day of the week.

posts: 934   ·   registered: Oct. 11th, 2013   ·   location: Central IN
id 7465994
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Shock1 ( member #50639) posted at 6:59 AM on Tuesday, February 2nd, 2016

Something new I'm trying this year as I pray. First I want to acknowledge who God is. Second I give thanks in all situations. Have done short mission trips I've seen just how blessed we are.

I then ask God what is on my heart.

I ask for Him to reveal his will and that he provide knowledge and wisdom.

Something else I just tried last week was to fast and pray. How successful was I? Not sure at this point

I do know that I read His word and prayed. It was only a 24 hours fast, but it was not that bad. Definitely doable on a more regular basis.

Why? Did Jesus command us to fast, no. But in almost every important decision time they did what? They fasted and prayed.

In closing just make sure you give thanks for what you do have.

God lays the full blame with great fury upon the unfaithful spouse alone.

posts: 133   ·   registered: Dec. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: Ca
id 7466556
Topic is Sleeping.
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