SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Also what I like about what you have done is take responsibility for your own healing and life. I spent so much time trying to get him to help me heal and I now know what a waste of time to put my happiness and my future and my joy into a Lier and cheaters handS

What nobody mentions here is that SG had a lot of bagage. His mother abandoned his father and the children for another man when SG was young and he resented her very much, and by ricochet, any woman who cheats on her husband. He transposed this on his marriage and warned his beloved wife that if she ever cheated on him, it would be a deal breaker. Unfortunately, his wife took her chances, gambled her way into an affair with her boss and lost.

SG's mind had been hardwired since youth, everything for him was black or white (faithful-good, unfaithful-bad), and when he began to suspect that his wife was having an affair, he kept quiet about it until he had hard indisputable evidence from a PI. From there, he placed all his ducks in a row and launched the D procedings with a real mean serving of D papers to his wife.

What separates SG from many others is that the others did not have a clear game plan from the start if they were betrayed by their W. They did not have clear evidence of their WW's betrayal when they confronted their WW. They were then gaslighted by the WW and as a result, ended up torn between their love for their wife and poor evidence of her A.

To those guys who attack SG because he mentions a lot of times that when he looks or thinks of his WW, he sees her with another man's cock in her mouth or sees another man ploughing her like an Iowa corn field, I say what picture do you guys get in your mind when you look at or think of your WW in bed with another man, do you see her playing video games with OM?

[This message edited by marbou888 at 10:50 PM, June 3rd (Wednesday)]

Also, since the beginning of his post to his recent update, he wanted to know the "why". She couldn't even answer that in person. He wanted to know if we could help him figure it out from our own experiences. We gave many possible reasons. The common motivator I have seen from many if the stories is selfishness or entitlement of something perceived to be denied them from their partner.

I just wanted to clear up some things that were said so no one misunderstands what I said. My mom cheated on my Dad. Left our family and I have never seen her in person since I was young. My Dad was a good guy who never really had a good relationship with a woman due to what a horrible person my Mom was with him. She gutted that poor guy and he never recovered. As a kid you pick up a lot from something like that. Life experiences may make us react a certain way when this hits a person.

A friend I met at work had a wife that cheated on him. He loved her so much. She already had a child from a loser when he met her and he was so happy. Later another friend of mine saw his wife at the doctor’s office with another man. He asked if I will call him Dave is divorcing and I said not that I know of why? He told me that his wife was pregnant and Dave was not at the doctor with her but another guy was with her. Long story short Dave ended up divorcing and she always called his desk asking for money after the divorce. My friend Dave ended up having a heart attack a year later and died. He was 36 years old. Dave was a damn fine man that deserved better but I think it killed him in a way.

So let’s get back to my wife. We had already had many talks on cheating. It was not just me she was worried about me also. She said to please talk to her if I am unhappy and she will do the same. But she is attractive and I know she got hit on a lot. I wanted to keep her happy and I wanted to be happy also. That is why I was shocked when I found out about her cheating. I thought we were happy.

My wife knew if she ever put another man’s Dick in her hand, mouth or any other orifice then I would not forgive her. I said if she did put another guys junk in her than I would consider that a request that we get divorced. So this was well known by her. I am not going to beg for my wife not to bang other guys.

She could have asked for an open marriage if she needed sex with another guy. She could have asked for a divorce so she could bang other guys but she did not. She just banged another guy anyway. I then decided that since she wants to bang other men that I do not want to be with her anymore.

As I told my wife if I was such a bad husband that she felt the need to go out and have sex with other men then I deserve to lose her. She was my wife and I am not going to fight for sloppy seconds. My wife could only have saved our marriage by NEVER putting another penis in her. It is not like you are walking down the street and another guys penis gets stuck in your vagina.

So there really was not reconciliation as a possibility between us. I did try to let her come clean so she could tell me why and then I would have discussed things with her. But she knew if she admitted I would divorce so she tried to lie about it. That is why I decided to serve her and go away so she could get some of the same shit sandwich I got from her.

Also when I go and look in the R section on this site women seem to get emotionally involved and these poor guys can’t get her to stop seeing the OM.

I think of myself as one of the good guys. I cared about my wife and loved her and we built a nice life together. If I let her come back after she did this to me again than I could not live with myself. I am not willing to take that chance. I just don’t think it should be that hard for my wife to stay off another man’s penis. The fact that it must have been too difficult for her makes me feel very comfortable with the decision that I have made.

I would never tell another man to try and take his wife back after she does this to him. But I know some men do and that is for them to decide. They have to live their lives but there is no way in hell I could do it.

Thanks for listening and best of luck to others. I have to go for now.

Man, do I ever completely understand that. I guess it's time to head over to the Divorce and Seperation forum soon?

The invitation is still out there to come hang with us in the Betrayed Men thread as well.

Not that a grown man has to justify himself but there you go. I hope everyone is now happy and backs off.

Good luck man.

Thanks for the update, SG. I for one am immensely proud of you and admire how you handled this situation! I wish you and the kids all the best going forward, and I hope we'll hear from you again!

If SpaceGhost wrote a book I would buy it

I agree Eric. I would buy it too.

SG, you don't have to explain yourself but thanks for the update.

At least it gives us an example of what true decisiveness is and gives other people here who are going through bad situations some guidance on how they could handle their situation better.

Godspeed

SpaceGhost, you are an inspiration, sir!

To those guys who attack SG because he mentions a lot of times that when he looks or thinks of his WW, he sees her with another man's cock in her mouth or sees another man ploughing her like an Iowa corn field, I say what picture do you guys get in your mind when you look at or think of your WW in bed with another man, do you see her playing video games with OM?

I can barely stand to look at my STBXWW. It shows, too. She told me the last time we saw each other face-to-face that she feels like I look at her like she's a stranger. When I do look at her, I see the same thing as SpaceGhost. Pornographic images. Dicks. Her whoring herself out. I hear her moans. I hear her telling POSOM that he's so much better than me in the sack. Damaged goods, like SpaceGhost said. I can't NOT see it when I look upon her.

I completely get where he's coming from. And the sex wasn't even the part I thought was worst.

If they made this story into a film, I would go watch it several times. It would be the antithesis to Danielle Steel's garbage.

SG, one of your recurring questions is WHY did she do it.

She could have asked for an open marriage if she needed sex with another guy. She could have asked for a divorce so she could bang other guys but she did not. She just banged another guy anyway

One thing I have noticed about women is that even if they secretely dream of an affair that sweeps them off their feet, they

1. do not like the idea of their husband sleeping with another woman because he might find her better at sex,

2. are afraid of losing the secure marriage they already have.

This is all related to the ideas our media implants in women's brains. SAD!!!

When I caught my wife having her second affair, I told her "fine, you go out on your side, I will go out on my side. No questions asked". She dropped to her knees and broke out in tears and said "never, never will I accept sharing you with another woman". As far as I know, she hasn't cheated on me since (and I keep a close watch).

Well you did not need to explain yourself yet again. But hopefully that is definitive enough for people to get it. You did what you needed to do. There is nothing wrong with that.

Serving her a little shit sandwich is exactly what I would do if it happened to me again.

Brother you do not need to defend or explain your actions here.

I wish you all the best.

SG, I think it sucks that you had to write your last post. I wish everyone would respect your choices and end the SG debate.

This man has made his choice. We are here to support him through it. Why is that so effing hard to understand??

To those guys who attack SG

I don't think anyone was attacking SG. I think everyone wants to see that SG is happy at the end of the day.

I also think every person, case and situation is different. Some couples have small children at home, some have limited financial means to move, pay a lawyer or PI, some are older and are leaning more on the side of R than D.

SG had a plan - that should he ever be in the situation like he was, he would stick to his guns, and carry it out. In his case and situation, he did not seem to have any of the above reasons that would prevent him from doing so, and helped his case in setting out, and doing what he had set out to do. Again - my point as to why I say each case in different, and should be approached differently...

I would say it is always good to assess each case individually and look at the big picture of things like their ages, financial situation, children at home, signs of remorse etc etc - put your/myself in the shoes of that specific betrayed spouse, and advise/suggest ideas from there.

I also believe, and as someone mentioned, that the original founders and moderators of this site, whom most of them reconciled, all believe that, where there are a signs of hope of rekindling a relationship after infidelity, that people should be encouraged to take steps to reconcile, instead of encouraged to divorce.

While I do believe in implementing the 180 method is a good thing in a lot of cases, I would say the shock and awe method of filing for divorce may work for some, while it may not work for others, and may make things worse and drive them further apart or to a point of no return.

Just my two cents...

[This message edited by downintx at 12:49 PM, June 4th (Thursday)]

No shame in knowing your boundaries and limits. I wish you future happiness and peace.

Spaceghost.... As someone who always thought this would be a dealbreaker for me, I have read your thread and greatly admired your resolve and your one mindedness. You are doing what is best for you with dignity and grace.

As a wife, I agree with you that it should not have been that hard for your wife to stay off of another's penis. I have lived 41 years and have yet to find myself accidentally impaled upon a penis, orally or otherwise. It can be done.

I am not going to beg for my wife not to bang other guys.

..and there you have it. Money quote.

LOL

I'll admit that I had suspicions SG was a catfisher, catfishing this site. No longer. The guy is for real. SG has become SI legend.

Boundaries are different for all. He had quite a background, one not everyone has. There was FOO history. Everyone has options of R, D, open marriage,...whatever. Every case is unique, and will call for unique responses.

edited to add:

She kept saying she never told him that she loved him. She said she would never leave me and he knew that. For some reason she thinks telling a person you love them is worse than having sex with them??? I Told her having sex is far worse to me.

Your wife was right on one thing. In my case, knowing my fWW said "I love you" to OM is indeed worse than knowing they had sex.

[This message edited by CanoeVA at 1:38 PM, June 12th (Friday)]

How goes it SpaceGhost?

How goes it SpaceGhost?

I dont care what the circumstances are, if someone stabs you in the back TWICE, you take them fishing where the gators grow BIG.