SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Glad to hear from you, SG!

I'm with Eric. I read this whole thread today. I wish I had read it when I first found this forum. Hell i wish I had realized that all the advice people give on this forum doesnt just apply to every one ELSE'S situation, it actually would apply to mine too. Yes, I truly thought I had the one wayward who actually had me told me everything on dday (huge mistake). Along with many others... Anyway, this thread is pure inspiration.

Please post back Space Ghost! You are my hero!!!!!!!!!!!

I too had that solid rule in all of my relationships. This is the only one I have been tested and I am utterly stuck.

You are the me I thought I was.

I agree Eric. It is like an idol is visiting us when SG comes back to the board

I can't wait to read how things have changed for you, SG!

NP5, I'm saving this and printing it -

Imagine that one goes to a restaurant. One orders a nice burger, fries and beer. Once it arrives you sit down and start to eat, but you have to run to the bathroom. When you come back, some dude has sat down in your seat and is eating your burger and drinking your beer. Seeing you he runs off.

As a BS, we are asked to sit down and enjoy the rest of our life.

Now that burger might have been really good, but it will not be the same. That beer might have been really tasty, but his saliva is in there.

I have been trying to R for the sake of my 5 little ones... Their reality has been destroyed, they just don't know it yet. I've been holding it in and holding it back. I'm forcing myself to SIT BACK DOWN AND EAT THAT BURGER AND DRINK THAT BEER.

And it really sucks. It really hurts. And it will never be the same.

In my case, my XW kept insisting that the OM did not partake in my meal, yet the beer was less than where I left it and there were a few more bite marks I never made in that burger. On top of that, the OBS and other patrons in the restataunt kept saying the OM did in fact ate some of that burger and drank out of my beer.

I just demanded a full refund and got my D. With all the lying it just felt like she spit in the burger before it got to my table anyway.

So, SG. Gone to any new burger joints lately?

Oh! dear, I can see this burger analagy running on, seems to have some 'meat' to it

I 'relish' what is to come

Looking forward to your update, how you are getting on, lowering your golf HC? and yes, how your ex is coping

[This message edited by IndependantView at 4:47 AM, September 16th (Wednesday)]

I can't wait to read how things have changed for you, SG!

NP5, I'm saving this and printing it -

Imagine that one goes to a restaurant. One orders a nice burger, fries and beer. Once it arrives you sit down and start to eat, but you have to run to the bathroom. When you come back, some dude has sat down in your seat and is eating your burger and drinking your beer. Seeing you he runs off.

As a BS, we are asked to sit down and enjoy the rest of our life.

Now that burger might have been really good, but it will not be the same. That beer might have been really tasty, but his saliva is in there.

I have been trying to R for the sake of my 5 little ones... Their reality has been destroyed, they just don't know it yet. I've been holding it in and holding it back. I'm forcing myself to SIT BACK DOWN AND EAT THAT BURGER AND DRINK THAT BEER.

And it really sucks. It really hurts. And it will never be the same.

In my case, my XW kept insisting that the OM did not partake in my meal, yet the beer was less than where I left it and there were a few more bite marks I never made in that burger. On top of that, the OBS and other patrons in the restataunt kept saying the OM did in fact ate some of that burger and drank out of my beer.

I just demanded a full refund and got my D. With all the lying it just felt like she spit in the burger before it got to my table anyway.

So, SG. Gone to any new burger joints lately?

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The above made me laugh 😂.

I think it would be more appropriate if it were about the OM eating my Taco.

If you are a woman someone sat down and ate your hotdog.

I can laugh about this now.

I can laugh about this now.

I'm dyin' over here.

I can laugh about this now.

Awesome. Then you are in a much better place these days.

SG

Your post above is actually a really good analogy.

Has your ExW/STBXW been on your door step lately or is she done?

HM

SG, you knew it was a dealbreaker right from the start, you respected and acted on your own convictions, and you also knew exactly how vulnerable you were because of your childhood and that you just couldn't allow someone to do that to you. So many of us on here would have saved ourselves incredible amounts of pain if we'd held to our own beliefs as solidly. Congratulations, and that doesn't take away the pain, I know.

So, SG. Gone to any new burger joints lately?

Five Guys

Taco and hotdog.... holy crap!

That's funny.

SG - tell us how life is on the other side?!!!

How's the humidity in sunny Florida?!

How is the D progressing?

Sending good vibes...

that is great Eric LMAO

[This message edited by Western at 6:44 PM, September 16th (Wednesday)]

In my case, my XW kept insisting that the OM did not partake in my meal, yet the beer was less than where I left it and there were a few more bite marks I never made in that burger. On top of that, the OBS and other patrons in the restataunt kept saying the OM did in fact ate some of that burger and drank out of my beer.

I just demanded a full refund and got my D. With all the lying it just felt like she spit in the burger before it got to my table anyway.

So, SG. Gone to any new burger joints lately?

Same for me Jduff. My STBX NEVER admitted dalliance with MOWhore.. even though there was so much evidence, he'd be convicted by any rational jury.

You just can't build on that. The lying, the rug sweeping, the gaslighting, the blameshifting.. it all sucks and none of it is the basis for anything. When love stops being served at at the table, all you can do is get up and leave. That's it.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them"- Maya Angelou

Hi All it has been a while since I have posted on here. I am more than a little fascinated that people think I am some kind of freak for responding the way I did to the fact to my wife cheating on me. I really don’t see how I could have done it any other way. My wife knew it was a deal breaker and even if she would not have known I just always assumed my marriage would be over if I cheated on her. I really don’t understand why people look at my case as something strange.

Again my Mom left our family with another man and destroyed our family. I had two people I was close to go through divorce right away when their spouses cheated on them. I learned from my mom that the best way to move on is to just stay away from her with no contact. So that is why I did what I did.

So I am going through the divorce right now and it is not official yet. The speed of it no longer matters to me since I have no intention of every marrying again. My kids seem to be doing Ok and they are doing well in college. It had been very hard on my daughter since she and I were very close. She is still upset with her mom but she is trying to get over it. It will take some time but she is doing a little better all the time.

I am not going to lie I was very happy before her affair. I liked my life and I thought she was happy and loved me. Her affair left me stunned and well shocked. I did not see it coming at all as she seemed happy and in love with me. Now that life is all gone. We no longer live together in our home and I am gone from my friends. I miss them and what we had and it makes me sad when I think about it.

And to realize she did this with a piece of crap OM for some fun on the side.

Since she cheated it changed the way I looked at her. I was very much in love with her but now I looked at her like she was a used up tramp. I did not want to look at her like that but the thought of her repulsed me. It would not be fair to her to stay with her when another person would probably cherish her and look at her like I use to. She destroyed something inside of me and I did the best for both of us. Really sad it had to come to this. Especially since she would do anything now to go back in time and not lose her family.

It has not been easy for my soon to be Ex-Wife either. She has been to counseling and she is showing me that she has remorse and sadness for what she did. It has been hard on her since she lost friends and her guilt has been overwhelming for her. Her family checked her in the hospital for a few days due to being worried about her hurting herself a while back. I of course feel great sadness when I remember what we had and her cheating just destroyed everyone including her. She has been down to where I live checking out the area a couple of times and she has told me she wants to move to Florida to be near me and she wants to try and earn a chance for another try. I have been honest and told her I don’t ever see a time where we will be together. We both have lost a lot over this so when I see her it makes me feel down when I think about what happened to our lives and our family.

As for me well I have tried to start a new life and it is still strange for me. I really no longer want to marry again. Also I really don’t know how to move forward in some ways and yet I am trying to do just that. I have actually went out with a few women but not sure any of them are going to work out. As I said I have no interest in marriage and I don’t want to lie to any of these women. I do not want to start over with a woman that wants children so it is a new world for me. I have had fun but If I had my choice I would have loved to have finished out my life with my wife and she took that away from me.

Now after all of that I just want to say I would not have done it any other way. For me I would do it the same if I had to do it all over again. I decided on my own fate and I am willing to stand by what I did and how I did it. I don’t want anyone to feel bad for me or think I should have tried to reconcile. I have a lot of good things going on right now. It is going to take me a while to heal and figure out where I go from here. I don’t have all of the answers but I am in a lot better place than I was when I came on here. So that is where I am at right now. I have been golfing a lot and trying to live a normal life and figure out what I should do next.

I was in a lot of despair when I came here. Life is looking up for me and so that is my update.

And the best part is my Golf Game is really great right now. SpaceGhost out for now.

Spaceghost, my parents told me when I got engaged that I should sit down with my girl and tell her this. If she ever finds someone she wants more than me, or I find someone else I want more than her, we should tell the other instead of cheating. They told me cheating should be the absolute end of the marriage. They told me that was an oath they swore to each other when they married in 1963. 52 years later, they are still together. My fiancé cheated on me before marriage. The way you felt about cheating reminded me of what they told me. I told them all about your story in detail. They, and I agree with everything you have done. I do feel sorry for your wife, as you do. But she did this to herself, like my fiancé did, so there is really no excuse. I wish you much happiness Spaceghost. And I thank you for your positive example.

Thanks for the update. It really is sad what people throw away and destroy when they cheat. But I'm so glad you seem to be feeling better. Best wishes!

The reason people like your story isn't that you divorced but because you were quickly able to identify and act on what decision was most true to you. If you read around this forum, as I am sure you have, that process is what causes most angst here.

wow.... many common things with what happened to me and the way we handled it... only difference is that i caught her red handed and didnt move away.

I dont know who thinks that you handled the situation wrong, but honestly who gives a crap?

I think you did vary well, but i feel sad about your kids... cant immagine the pain you feel in certain moments.

best wishes

Glad to hear you are moving on, SG. I, too, mourn the loss of your marriage.