SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This wasn’t her first rodeo.

This wasn’t her first rodeo.

Unfortunately, I think SB is right here. I think that this was her "exit affair" after having 2 or three other shorter term affairs that all started 5-6 years ago when she began to change her appearance and habits/behavior. Except her Plan A failed miserably...and now she's desperately trying to work Plan B...don't be Plan B. You're far too good a man for that.

Hi AHGuy,

I have followed your story from the start and have yet to post bc you're getting such good wisdom.

I had to jump in and say that Thumos' post about the "lady" we don't talk about who writes about entitlement to reconciliation is WELL WORTH you googling and reading.

Sending strength ((AHguy))

And if you can't find her name, PM one of us.

We're not supposed to say her name here? I didn't know that. Excellent post by the "lady".

AH,

Now that you have taken some time for yourself consider reviewing the experience of "SpaceGhost0007"

It was posted on this forum back in 2015.

Search google by his handle "SpaceGhost0007" His should be one of the top results. The post is titled "Thought we had a good marriage"

If she brings up the other woman offer again, you might inquire if she is suggesting some soulless sex with a bar pickup or prostitute while risking stds and Covid? Would this kill her ? Or is it that you engage in 2 years of unbridled sex with someone you express your love to among the 5000 emails and texts wherein you plan to leave at the earliest opportunity while keeping WW totally in the dark? Would that kill her?

I’ve posed this question twice before in other contexts so I ask again. Is your wife a complete idiot?

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 7:05 PM, August 10th (Monday)]

Hey AHG,

Hope all is well with the time away.

I’m glad you are not prioritizing work anymore

This could be taken in different ways, one being having a go, or two that she is pleased you are taking time away for yourself.

Talking only through text can blur some lines. Communicate with STBX. You don’t have to reconcile or confess feeling or love. But some things can be read and then taken the wrong way. This wouldn’t be going against the grey rock or 180.

Some here are focusing a lot on your STBX tattoo. Did her AP want her to get this?

One day at a time and please communicate

Buffer

This could be taken in different ways, one being having a go, or two that she is pleased you are taking time away for yourself.

Talking only through text can blur some lines.

I agree with you buffer. That’s why I asked whether Miss AH had a history of passive aggressiveness. She could just mean what she wrote.

Maybe miss AH is just a standard run-of-the-mill cheater. She made those decisions for 2 years and now she will pay the price, as she should.

I think it’s possible to D a cheater and still care for that person. For some people, the cheating will always be the elephant in the room no matter what the Wayward does and how many mountains are moved..

D is not only a way out for the Betrayed, but it also a favor for the Wayward. Why waste both spouses time, when it will not work?

“I cannot stayed married to you and you are now free to seek whatever you are looking for, and I will do the same”

I suspect this is where AH is.

Can you describe her tattoo and the date she got it?

Did she ask for your opinion on the tattoo before she got it?

Tattoo is some sort of a flower like a tulip surrounded by small stars, she got it about 3 years ago as part of many changes of her lifestyle. She never asked my permission but she did talk about having it. Now she said it reminds her of the time she drifted away from the right path or whatever.

The hall pass thing, she didn’t put it in a way that she encouraged me to go look for another woman, she said that she would be patient with me if I needed time and even if I started a new relationship with another woman she would accept that, knowing her very well I think she is projecting she is thinking that I’m seeing someone else already maybe she thinks I’m having an affair with OBS.

BTW, I have absolutely no attention to have a revenge affair. I’m not even in ta state of mind to allow myself to even think about dating , I like OBS but as a friend .

My father suggested I talk her and let her say all the hat she wants otherwise she is not gonna stop bugging me. Matthew he is right.

I also learned from my daughter that her mom is trying to talk to her too, leaving her a bunch of messages. She told her that OBS is out to destroy her, she claims that maybe OBS intentionally altered the recording . She insists that she called to end it with him for good.

I have little doubt your wife called her AP to verify the betrayal was ended. It wasn't fun anymore as you knew.

I do agree with your dad. Tell her you have remained faithful & trustworthy. Don't let her mind go places it shouldn't.

ok AHguy, the OBS didn't alter that recording. I mean, come on. But it really doesn't matter. Again, why would your WW need to call him? If she were remorseful instead of regretful (and the difference is very important) she would have gone NC and wouldn't have re-engaged with him, even "one more time."

she got it about 3 years ago as part of many changes of her lifestyle. She never asked my permission but she did talk about having it. Now she said it reminds her of the time she drifted away from the right path or whatever.

Maybe we're making too much of this. But this seems odd. Given you told us your WW began changing her behavioral patterns and dress and makeup and going to GNO;s regularly 5-6 years ago, that in and of itself is a red flag right there. This often happens when WW's wittingly or unwittingly (but most often wittingly) are fishing for attention and an opportunity to cheat.

Then you've got 3 years back (one additional year before the affair allegedly began) where she goes out and gets an intimate tattoo without telling you or talking to you about it.

Now she says it reminds here of the "time" she drifted from the right path. Which time? What? She drifted from the right path a year before the affair with OM allegedly began?

Again, maybe I'm making too much of it but given your WW's capacity for duplicity it seems really odd. She tends to *think* she's covering her tracks but her words tend to betray her just like she betrayed you.

Incidentally tulip tattoos seem to typically have a meaning attached to "perfect love" "a deep love" -- usually as a sign of some kind of commitment. It certainly wasn't something she got out of commitment to you during that time. Is the tulip red?

[This message edited by Thumos at 11:19 PM, August 10th (Monday)]

Can you mess with her former AP mind?

Talk to the OMW and let him know you are.

This will mess with him big time.

Just trying to lighten up your mood. Enjoy Florida.

One day at a time

Buffer

[This message edited by Buffer at 11:17 PM, August 10th (Monday)]

FWIW, on my hotmail/outlook I can archive deleted emails. Not all of them, but some. A forensic examiner might be able to bring up a lot of emails going back several years. If you have the password, perhaps you can get a few more answers.

she claims that maybe OBS intentionally altered the recording

That’s because she doesn’t know you only heard 1/2 the conversation. She probably sent him to hell or something like that and doesn’t understand why you would D her over that call.

But you are D her over the whole A, not just the call.

I don't know, AH. Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like you are still considering R with someone that is only paying you lip service.

Remember, if it hadn't been for the OBS finding out, your WW would still be banging the POSOM.

Who cares whether she called the AP just to chat or actually end the A? The fact is she went behind your back after you explicitly told her not to do so. And considering she'd been stabbing you in the back for 2 years (probably more), that action is like a drop of water compared to the ocean abhorrent behavior and disrespect she was flooding you with without you even knowing.

Her persistence right now does not hint at remorse. I think true remorse would be simply shutting up and taking whatever consequences she deserves. She sees that her cake is about to be taken away. And goddam does she love the taste.

This "lost her way" bullshit is so played out. She knew what she was doing. She's a grown ass woman that made her choices.

She's trying to wear you down. I hope you don't fall for it.

she got it about 3 years ago as part of many changes of her lifestyle

Sadly, I think this is probably her start of pulling away from the marriage. I wouldn't be surprised if this guy wasn't her first affair, but more likely second. I don't have enough information, but think back to that time and see if there is time she was gone for extended periods. Most likely the first guy just one and done'd her. The POSOM could have picked up afterward while she was feeling down.

I don't plan on having a revenge affair.

Be careful. I didn't either, but with the swirl of emotions I almost did and so do so many BHs. You feel off your game. Life is somehow now all cardboard and the one woman who used to make you feel sexy has turned your self image upside down. All it takes is a pretty girl giving you a little attention and things will flip.

Enjoy the trip. Be careful with all the weather going on right now with getting on a boat.

It’s not what she said on the call to her boyfriend, it’s that she made the call. She could have recited the alphabet and then hung up and it wouldn’t have changed the equation one iota.

As usual, she’s not taking responsibility for her actions.

I think she is projecting she is thinking that I’m seeing someone else already maybe she thinks I’m having an affair with OBS.

If I were in your shoes, I would find that suggestion offensive. I would let STBXWW know very clearly that I honor my vows and would not be with another woman while married. Period. Speaking for myself, I would let my STBXWW know that I would be very angry if I heard any more about it. But that is me.

She told her that OBS is out to destroy her, she claims that maybe OBS intentionally altered the recording . She insists that she called to end it with him for good.

From this, I gather that your daughter is still not communicating with her mother? WW needs to get over this. Conspiracy stories like this only make her look worse. She has explained herself. She needs to allow others to accept the explanation or not. If people don't believe her, it is because she has proven herself to be a liar. One of the consequences of being caught in lies is that others tend to not believe you the next time. People now know that your WW will lie to protect herself and hide the truth. She will have to work hard to change that opinion.

She never asked my permission but she did talk about having it

AH, you don't strike me as that type that thinks your WW needed your permission for a tattoo.

Have a safe trip!

^^^ Agreed. It's about how she made the call after repeatedly telling you she was NC and would not contact him again. And she would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for OBS.

AHG, if possible, I think you should talk to your STBX as little as you can. She is desperate. She is throwing out all kinds of crap to see what sticks. If you really want to, you can ask her about the tattoo but I'm doubtful that she will be honest given how much she's lied to you up till now.