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It's good that she showed you this creeps new attempts to contact her. Acknowledge that to her. Be the king of your castle. This usurper is trying to steal your queen. Now that you're aware of it don't have her fend him off, you do it. I wish to God my ex's AP would have confronted me. That would have been the end of that situation PDQ. Don't let any other man ever usurp the throne of your castle. You're the king.

[This message edited by CincyKid at 9:24 PM, April 3rd (Monday)]

I wouldn't call my wife a queen. A "queen" or someone I'm proud of wouldn't cheat on me. She is simply my wife who right now isn't exactly my favorite person. I love her and am worrying about her safety until I'm no longer her husband.

Anyway, anything is possible. She could have a burner phone. I'll know in a few days when I retrieve the VAR from her car. But I did bring up to my wife about getting a full-time job. At first, she hesitated. She made a bunch of excuses that under normal circumstances would be understandable. But these aren't normal circumstances. Our conversation was cut short but I'm pretty sure she'll agree to this.

But I did bring up to my wife about getting a full-time job. At first, she hesitated. She made a bunch of excuses that under normal circumstances would be understandable. But these aren't normal circumstances. Our conversation was cut short but I'm pretty sure she'll agree to this.

Rather than a punishment or even a consequence of her cheating, it is a matter of practicality isn't it? She may need the income to be financially self sufficient. You've lost your willingness to carry the economic load for her benefit.

You have OM where you want him. Given that he has put in writing about confronting you, get an order of protection. Your wife should do the same.

If used correctly, you can really mess with him

NO SOLICITING

[This message edited by SI Staff at 10:17 AM, April 4th (Tuesday)]

She slept with him 5 days before the day they think she conceived and again 6 days after they think she conceived. I had sex with her 3 to 4 days a week.

If he was staying over three days at a time would that still make it 5 days prior or 2 days prior?

I'm glad you are distancing yourself until the test is done. The trying to end the marriage, the knowing she was pg for three weeks prior to telling you, the telling the OM first and the fact that OM seem to think the baby is his... makes me wonder if you are getting the whole story. You are being very wise with not trusting her. I've seen other situations similar to yours where the WW tries to convince the BS that the baby is theirs ... by the time they are tested the BS has already been bonding with "fragile" WW, unborn baby, and dreaming of their "future" family together. Then they face yet another hell with the results.

Yea, any excuse for not working full time should be blown out of the water. If she could "arrange" her schedule to have sex with OM every time, for several days at a time when he was in town I would think she could arrange to work full time. I'd just tell her I didn't trust her at home alone, not working any longer. That we need the extra money because of all the "testing", counseling, days off you have to take... and whatever else comes up from her bad decisions (couldn't even take the pill regularly?!>!). I wouldn't mention that it would work better in the divorce.

Again, you are doing so great. You've only known about the extent of her Affair for a few days and you are already getting your ducks in a row.

[This message edited by Freeme at 6:57 PM, April 4th (Tuesday)]

As far as her having contacted him, it is extremely likely. She could install Words With Friends. Install, then delete, any number of apps. Despite the contact, doesn't mean she is yet restarting the affair. She is messed up and it only takes a second to contact him.

Also, the other man was lied to by your wife, she said she was leaving you and she had a baby possibly with him. I find no sympathy for him, but I would assume he very well could care about a possible daughter or son and you parenting his child, while he pays support. I think if you talk to him now, there is a decent chance you'll get some truths about the affair.

[This message edited by wk55hn at 9:56 AM, April 4th (Tuesday)]

If he was staying over three days at a time would that still make it 5 days prior or 2 days prior?

I'm not sure if this quoting will work but here goes.

I was counting it on the last day of each visit, from what I can gather. So it be 8 to 5 days before. Or I'm just confusing myself.

Which brings me to my next point. My wife couldn't' get an appointment until the 13th with the doctor. Then later I told my mother about what was going on. She told me she thought we should just go to a private clinic and she'd cover the cost of the test. My mom is really disappointed and heartbroken as I am. She loved my wife. She wouldn't even look at her when she stopped by. So I made an appointment and got an appointment for Thursday afternoon. It's a simple blood test.

When my wife gets home from work, I'm going to sneak into her car to retrieve the VAR.

Considering the situation she has created, you are doing exceptionally well...stay strong.

Keep us updated.

The fat bald businessman POS- could it be possible he financially supported your wife

My wife says that the other man has an on again, off again relationship with some woman. Still trying to see if it's worth teling her if they are currently on a break if I believe my wife.

Still trying to see if it's worth telling her if they are currently on a break if I believe my wife.

Your wife could be telling you what she believes is the true about OM but... if read here long enough you realize cheaters lie. OM could have told her he was in an on and off relationship when he is actually in the middle of marriage counseling with his wife.

I'd contact the OBS but I'd wait until I got the results back from the DNA.

You are doing so many things right. Keeping your distance while waiting for the DNA, exposing the affair to your family, getting your ducks in a row, seeing a few lawyers.

Just keep doing what your doing.

Okay, I finally removed the VAR from her car. I was expecting there to be some hidden contact with the other man on a secret phone. There was no indication of any contact. There was a phone call, where I heard her vaguely say that she was scared I was going to leave her, that she cheated on me and was ashamed for all the lies she told about me. That was pretty much all I got from the call. So it is confirmed that she at least told one other person that she had cheated. But it also confirmed she had made me look like the bad guy.

Did the conversation sound like it could be someone that had known about and aided the A?

But it also confirmed she had made me look like the bad guy.

How so? To the OM, or the friend she was speaking with?

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 1:46 AM, April 6th (Thursday)]

I don't think the person on the other line knew about it. The answers my wife was giving at least to me indicated this was a first time she was telling this person. And to be 100% clear she told this person that she felt ashamed that she told the other man that I was a bad husband, and he believed her.

I would consider that a positive development, but I would keep using the VAR, just in case.

[This message edited by OrdinaryDude at 1:54 AM, April 6th (Thursday)]

Its so common to paint the other spouse as the bad guy in the relationship. How else can they justify cheating without looking like garbage to the other person.

Surprized , the things she said in the phone call sound encouraging. Continue to keep your guard up though.

That conversation shows that the fog is starting to be lifted off. Nothing like consequences to wake a wayward up.

She is realizing how her life is about to go from an honorable wife and mother of 2 kids from same husband to a single mom with kids from different men. It's not going to play out like it does on those Lifetime movies that glamorize divorce and being a single mom.

For once the VAR doesn't have damning evidence of a continuing affair.

Has SHE brought up getting a full-time job again?

You need to be firmly in the midst of the 180 at this point. You need to be detaching as much as possible at this point so that you will be able to make a good decision rather than an emotional decision in the upcoming weeks.