SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's funny how they all say that now they will never reconcile. Then the Posom decides they're too much trouble, then they want to come back and reconcile or be friends.

My answer to her would be "why do you think I would reconcile with a person like you. I'm looking for an honest, truthful, faithful,, and younger woman. Have you found a place to live yet? I have plans."

GW, I have no further advice, you seem to be doing everything you can after careful thought and planning to get where you want to be.

Waiting patiently sucks.

Hang in there.

A thought just crossed my mind asthey continually do. Maybe I should use not pressing issue with other man as a tool to get her to have no contact with him . If she so concerned about his life being ruined then surely she will break contact to preserve his career and his future . Thoughts?

[This message edited by Gw5263 at 9:01 AM, September 20th (Wednesday)]

No it's manufactured NC and won't work.

It will only make her pine for him more.

Use "not pressing the issue" to get a better deal in the D if you want, although I'm not sure you need it.

Using leverage to get someone to stop what they feel won't work and will only get the reverse of what you want.

She needs to be able to spend time with him to realize what he really is.

If anything, you could stop pressing the issue because if he loses his job that will probably make her feel bad for him and "lurve" him more and it will take longer for her to realize he is a POS. But I fully understand if you don't want to do that.

If you just move forward with the D and get it completed and get to a point where you can separate, then she can start to realize what her life is going to be like without you there all the time.

Maybe someday down the line, if she wakes up from this insanity, and wants to pursue you as the prize that you deserve to be, then you can decide if it's too late for that.

Just best to move forward with your plan and get out of this mess.

The OM's career is secondary. A nice advantage to have,a good feeling if it happens, but not as important.

GW, I see your point, and agree with Stevesn's assessment. I might think about going the other way, tell her how much the OM needs her right now and that if she was truly his soulmate, she would go to him right now when he needs her most.

I don't see this ever going to R, or if GW could even accept her back in the future, so the goal is to get her down the road.

the military will decide on its own what to do. i expect nothing OR a bust in rank/half pay for a few months/no contact EVER with your ww again. no in between.

if he gets told nc and breaks it then its jail. some commands take infidelity serious and some dont but alll take violating a direct order real serious.

in fact i bet hes already been told nc and has broken it. thats article 92, at least, and is serious. when you talk to them ask if they ordered him to nc your ww. boom!

She has you just where she wants you.

Other than trying to get her out of the house you need to stop worrying what she's doing.

She is dating another man and has stated that she intends to keep it that way. At this point it's not longer your job to give a crap about her beyond how it impacts your kiddos.

GW,

Do you really think she is rational enough to strike any kind of a deal with?

If you do strike a deal with her, under duress, do you think she will honor it?

The second you give the whip hand, she will have you signing things, doing all kinds of stuff to exonerate the OM. You just cannot go that route.

You are already navigating your way through bankruptcy; do you really need to add negotiating with a deluded, bitter woman in a fog to your burdens?

Your strength lies in your independence of her and the OM. Look at the decisions she has made so far. Are they good for anyone involved? Is that really someone to start making deals with?

Seriously, you need to be like a submarine with its hatches closed, or a tank that is 'buttoned up' (hatches closed, again!) You cannot bargain with someone in her frame of mind, and she will not agree to any deal that does not favor her and the OM.

Told her to leave three times and offered to buy the ticket. She will not leave the kids and won't take them there so here we are. Stuck in limbo land. And as far as signing, I wouldn't sign shit for her. This is getting to the point of ridiculous real fast and I am actually very fucking sick of it. I wish she would go. Make things a hell of a lot easier. She is stuck in some hyper fantasy land with a bastard on a damn telephone. It's crazy beyond belief. I actually wish it was someone here in person. To me this is worse. I'm just gonna go 180 the fuck out of her and only talk when it's kids or business. Nothing else. I changed the wifi settings so FaceTime isn't an issue anymore. She wants to FaceTime she can go sit in the fucking McDonald's parking lot and use thier wifi . Mines closed to her ass. OVER THIS. Sorry, just a shitty day guys........ this A is taking its toll. Seems more difficult because it is over a phone and not a real person.

[This message edited by Gw5263 at 2:16 PM, September 20th (Wednesday)]

GW, I apologize if I missed it in an previous post, but what happened to the apartment that she was renting? Why can't she go live there?

Two by four warning. I won't do it since you've done so many other things right, but the 180 is not a weapon to be used against her. Jump in a cold shower, Shake Yourself vigorously, get out of that mindset.

Go back and read the 180 again. This time read it with the mindset that is a tool to improve you! It is designed for your benefit only! It has little to nothing to do with her.

It often has an effect on the Wayward, but that is not what it is designed for. GW, am I reading between the lines correctly? If she came out of her fog would you be willing to try R with her? Seriously?

Just having a real shitty day. Just over this mess.i highly doubt I'd take her back out of the fog, but then again the way I feel today , and I can only comment on today, is maybe just a slim maybe. I feel like I've slid back to the first days of this all over again. It's just a bad day. No idea why. I guess because this feels like limbo land and there is no way out. D will take time and she's not going anywhere soon so I feel stuck. The best way I can describe how today feels is this- stuck in a cage just big enough to fit in with people walking by poking you with sticks . You roar and growl but the pokes keep coming because they know you can't get to them no matter how fierce you growl or bang into the cage. That's my day today.

I like that, no WiFi. I wouldn't pay for her phone either. Tell her you need to cut back and save for when she is gone, and she should be saving money too. After she pays half the bills.

Get her phone out of your name. You might check all the bills and credit cards and see who's name is on them. Some you may need to cancel.

Times are about to get crazy for sure!

Stay the course, brother!

It's not known as a rollercoaster for nothing. Sorry you're struggling today.

The 180 is designed to help you cope with exactly what you described. It's not perfect, nor does it take effect immediately. It is highly effective when implemented fully.

So what New Traditions or hobbies are you and the kids going to start today?

Strength

Unfortunate I'm on a 24 hour duty cycle so nothing till friday

My current frustration level is through the roof. I'm so glad I'm on my way to work I'd rather work all night long out here The van to sit at home and dwell on all of this. I wish I could just go back to the day I busted them, I would've took a much harder line than I did

Gw, your son is nearing manhood.

If he found himself in a similar situation in the future--delusional wife with a rogue lover--what advice would you give him?

There isn't much you can do about taking a harder line in the past. My recommendation now is to really study and memorize the 180. You still have some detaching to do brother

Midnight run, more than likely the same you have been trying to give me but I was too blind to see until just now. You framed it right for me. Thanks!