SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't post much on your thread, because you seem to have it under control. I find myself checking a few times a day to see what else you've posted.

Just wanted to tell you what a great job you are doing and to keep it up!

[This message edited by Wool94 at 3:52 PM, September 15th (Friday)]

Do they ever come out of that dissonance?

Here's my experience. The answer in my case is "yes". Eventually. Through your detachment of her and her infidelity! You take yourself out of her little rationalization hamster algorithm as to why she had an affair. And guess what? She realizes that after you are removed from her life, SHE is STILL unhappy. Her conlcusion takes one of two paths. -

1) Come to conclusion that your betrayed spouse wasn't the cause of your unhappiness. or

2) Still rationalize that some how, some way, YOU are still responsible for fucking up her life and the AP is still the white knight in tin foil armor.

Guess which one starts the path to remorse?

Gw5263, the real risk here isn't IF you will lose your WW due to detachment, moving yourself and your kids out of infidelity. The actual risk of killing the marriage is through YOUR detachment of her and her shitty choice to fuck the third party as well as that pivitol moment you realize that YOU are FAR more worthy of what your WW ever put into the marriage. YOU held your vows, through thick and thin. YOU realize that you actually CAN do better than her. Your kids DESERVE better than her. YOU are fucking GOLD. I believe you are there already.

This is why R is such a MASSSIVE GIFT to the WS.

Google right now, the current world population. Do the math as your chances of finding a far more worthy second wife, who will love and cherish you and your children are so fucking much better than winning the lottery.

Look, you are handling your situation like a BOSS. You've got you agenda in motion. All you have to do is sit back, detach and prep like you are going to be a single dad, a single man again. right now, YOU have the leverage!

Excellent Jduff!

Jduff, and others here are examples of one of the few benefits, or side effects, of this major shitstorm life experience that you find yourself in.

You become a "deep thinker", analytical, philosophical. Thinking through all the possibilties till you have filtered down to choices. You'll find yourself analizing others peoples conversations and picking up clues, social awareness on a new higher plane.

The actual risk of killing the marriage is through YOUR detachment of her and her shitty choice to fuck the third party

This really struck a chord with me. The detachtment is key to getting out infidility. It took me 12 years to realize the hardest part about R is reattaching, but that part can wait.

[This message edited by twisted at 4:53 PM, September 16th (Saturday)]

GW, you've come a long way in record time, and the most significant accomplishment is a heightened sense of self and self-respect.

Jduff, excellent post.

Every person seeks to control his destiny, and I'd say you have the bull by the horns.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 3:13 PM, September 16th (Saturday)]

How are you doing Gw?

Still on duty. 8 hrs left of a 40 hr weekend. Very tired.... home is same same. Doing 180 even tho I have wanted to say a few things to her about different little things. She know that I found out about a plan for him to slither up in October for a week . Told her if I found him he was getting an ass whipping form hell. So now she's planning to go to WV for fall break. Bound and determined for the kids to meet this mother fucker. I however have foiled that plan as well. Gonna rent a cabin in gatlinburg for the week for me and the kids....... she can do what ever, go see him and catch alphabetatitits from that ass hole for all I care

[This message edited by Gw5263 at 12:19 AM, September 18th (Monday)]

You know....sometimes you have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.

You need to file for divorce. Whether you actually want a divorce or not, you need to file.

You need to have your attorney put into your initial order that the OM is to have NC with your children.

This way you don't have to talk to her about it. Don't talk to her about it. Please. All she is going to hear is, "I've got him right where I want him. He's jealous and I can do what I want."

File. Let the paperwork do the talking. Then when she asks you anything, tell her to talk to your lawyer.

I forget, why are you not telling them both you have contacted his superiors? I think there is a good chance he will throw her under the bus when he finds out so why wait?

He may not but I still think he is just in it for the bootie.

So finally some stirrings. Son reports tha WWwas facetiming with OM yesterday in the bedroom when son walks in. OM was heard telling WWhe was in trouble and she needed to find a way to make me stop pressing the issue. Shields on high alert and VAR at the ready.

Son also just told me that she ordered him some gifts and had them delivered to her office. Told son not to tell me about them. Didn't refer to me as dad but used my name with son.

[This message edited by Gw5263 at 5:53 PM, September 18th (Monday)]

she needed to find a way to make me stop pressing the issue

Gw, I want you to think about your timetable in slightly different way. You've got the bankruptcy queued up first and then the D. Good work on getting that all set to go. Will your attorneys agree to allow formal separation orders to be established now? So you can agree to not *press* the issue if she agrees to separation orders.

Yes, shields up, VAR at the ready...and don't forget 180 detachment. You'll always talk to her about the kids, and the "business" of D (only if it suits you). And now it might suit you if you can get your conditions put in place.

You asked a few days ago about the odds of her acting rationally. I suppose in her mind it is "rational" to buy the POS "Soul Mate" gifts. Referring to you by your given name to your son is irrational in my view. More common would be "don't tell your father about this". It is pretty fvcked up to tell a child, who knows about the affair, not to tell you about the gifts she is buying for her A partner. Making the inner workings of the A known to the child is messed up.

You know not to use them as she is doing. They can voluntarily come to you with information. Just don't send them off to do intel gathering for you.

I forget, why are you not telling them both you have contacted his superiors? I think there is a good chance he will throw her under the bus when he finds out so why wait?

Because then he can do damage control. You want him hit by a Mack truck.

bought him gifts

Did she use a credit card to purchase these gifts? If so your lawyer needs hard copies of this.

Also so you know, you may be on the hook for her boyfriend's gifts too. You really need to expedite everything as fast as possible.

She used her bank card. He gave her $100 back in may to set up a separate account so when she bailed she'd have her own account. Still, it's money she could have put towards the family needs. Bitch . I am so far past wanting to even fix this it's not even funny. Just wish she'd leave right freaking now and go play wife of a Walmart greeter

[This message edited by Gw5263 at 7:22 PM, September 18th (Monday)]

Timeless, wondering what a separation order would do? Do you think it would get her out of the house quicker? I'm thinking it might backfire and require him to leave, supporting two households. I've never gone through a D so I'm no help there.

Yes, it's community money. You need to tell your lawyer that she is already 'funneling' marital assets to him.

On another note....what kind of bonehead buys gifts when you're making $800. Are you sure she is sane? Like this takes a special kind of dumb that absolutely has to have a medical answer to it otherwise my faith in humanity drops even further. I just don't see how it's possible.

Sharkman I have no idea . For the longest i thought this was a MLC. I am totally confused by all this behavior. I can't help but wonder what he asked her to do or what she is thinking reference stopping me from pressing this. My mind runs the gamut between them going deep and acting like it's over, her trying to use sex, to setting me up some how. That and proudly showing my son gifts she bought this bastard. She's acting as if he were her husband. She used to show little trinkets she got me to the kids so who the fuck knows

OM was heard telling WWhe was in trouble and she needed to find a way to make me stop pressing the issue.

Hehehe. Pass the popcorn...

To echo Timeless above, tred carefully wit the kids. I think you are doing fine, just remember this is a disturbing life changing event for them too. Remind them this is not their fault at all, and that you will make sure they will be safe and secure. Its unavoidable that they will find their loyalties.

Me thinks fantasy island maybe sinking fast...... from what my son saidOM Was very nervous and upset. WW went for a 2 hour walk tonight and called OM. Since returning she hasn't said a word. Wonder if the U boat commander is preparing to jettison.......

I know he isn't your problem but the retired Soldier in me is pleased this a$$hole is seeing consequences.

I'm thinking a DV charge to pressure you into submission. You sound like you're well prepared.

Have you received written response from military or congressman acknowledging receipt of your allegations?