SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Done right, the Navy brig it will be.

And, there are a host of tactics to get him there.

Run silent, run deep

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 4:26 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

I really think you shouldn't have all your eggs in the OM getting in trouble basket. My husband is retired military (not Navy but still relevant). In all the years he was in, I couldn't count all the exposed affairs.

My best friend's husband had a top secret job at the command post with highest security clearance. He had several affairs, some with lower ranking military members, and got investigated by the investigative branch of their service. My husband was one of the ones questioned about him and the group doing the investigation asked my husband about affairs he didn't even know about (we only knew of one-which I disclosed to my friend). They still gave him his security clearance and I don't even think he got reprimanded.

When my husband was deployed, several high ranking married members on the base openly ran around with their away-from-home girlfriends (some of whom were also married). I saw one of them out with a girl myself when I visited. Only one ever got so much as a slap on the wrist but it was for violating curfew and not for cheating.

If this guy is well-liked by his unit, it will not go far. There's a chain these things go through and it will stop with a link that likes him. If he isn't well liked, someone might push it because they've been waiting for an excuse like this. But if anyone above him is doing the same thing (like the affair culture my husband was in), they aren't going to take it too far because making an example of him sets a precedent for the next guy who gets caught.

I realize that there's all this excitement about a violation of the UCMJ and a big push to report with the expectation of shit hitting the fan. I am telling you from experience that sometimes someone just quietly scoops that shit up and drops it into the trash and the whole unit acts like they never smelled it.

I wouldn't sit around waiting on what happens to him to dictate your next move. Focus on getting yourself out of infidelity without regard for what happens to him. You have set that ball in motion but you have no control over where it rolls.

I can understand the above, but this OM texted details about his job to the WW that may have been classified. That's what's making this OM particularly unhinged and worried about his superiors being contacted.

Loose lips sinks ships.

All GW can control is what GW can control. If the military doesn't do anything that sucks but it's outside of his scope of influence.

Calling/writing everyone is what he should be doing and it's what he is. If the congressman doesn't answer then maybe the newspapers will.

Loose lips sinks ships.

If he actually even does the job he claims to do. For all anyone really knows, he works in the galley peeling potatoes. I've met more than one military person who exaggerated their duty and made up stories about it. My son was in the Army with a kid who was telling stories to everyone back home about his bravery and top secret tasks while on deployment. Turns out he wasn't even deployed and wouldn't have had any of the duties he had described even if he had been. This guy could very well be making a big issue about GW not contacting the military because he doesn't want his unit (or whatever the Navy calls it) to know that he's been exaggerating because they will make fun of him.

Most military in actual top secret positions aren't braggarts. In fact, anyone I've ever met with real honor doesn't brag at all. Sending "top secret" information to this guy's wife is actually a stronger indication of stolen valor than it is of him actually being in a top secret position.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 5:57 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

Tears, he truly is a missile tech, that's been verified. I expect some rug sweep at the command level so I planned forward and also involved NCIS and a congressman who is on the national security committee. I'm not hinging anything on this POS getting nailed, more so on the thought of letting them both know that I am not gonna lay here and take a pounding without fighting back. The situation is what it is. This is just an addition to the entree. For him to beg her to keep me from doing it let's me know he is genuinely worried about eyes looking in

Tears, he truly is a missile tech, that's been verified.

Then he's the stupidest missile tech the Navy's got. Even my friend's husband with top secret clearance who slept with half the women he met would not talk about his job to anyone, not even other military guys. He and my husband were best friends (until the cheating) and even my husband couldn't tell you what his job was.

Even so, GW, get your own ball rolling without regard for his outcome. He deserves whatever he gets and I hope he loses his clearance but military judicial punishments are excrutiatingly slow. If he truly is a missile tech, they likely have gotten the investigating agency involved and it may take a year or more for them to go through all his emails, interview all his friends, and dig through his life for security breaches. And he may never know it's happening so you may not get any reaction out of your wife for a while.

My husband had a friend once who got investigated for sexually assaulting a female one-striper after an evening at a club. No one had any idea the investigation was going on until a year after the investigation was started. She had reported it to a counselor at her next base and by the time he even knew he was being investigated, they knew all about his life and every indiscretion. I'd tell you details but they'd be too identifying to put here. I'm just telling you that you may not get satisfaction on this particular angle for a very long time.

P.S. I realize you have already seen a lawyer but your posts indicate that you're waiting for a shoe to drop and you do seem focused on it being the OMs shoe. Focus on your house and your issues for now. You did what you needed to do and if you are right about his position, he will probably get what he deserves eventually.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 6:22 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

This man is on active duty--a clear and present threat to American security.

This is no 'frat house', wink-wink situation.

Yes, Virginia, there's a way for expidited investigations.

I gaurantee it.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 12:23 AM, September 14th (Thursday)]

This man is on active duty--a clear and present threat to American security.

This no 'frat house', wink-wink situation.

Yes, Virginia, there's a way for expidited investigations.

I gaurantee it.

I just love you guys living vicariously through GW like this is some James Bond mystery. Whether or not you "guarantee" it is irrelevant given that the military will decide whether or not this is a threat. In the meantime, your encouragement to continue placing the focus on the OM is a distraction away from the true issue: his marriage, a distraction which may end up costing him in the long run. The OM will be dealt with or he won't but what happens to him doesn't change the fact that GWs wife is disrespectfully remorseless and is equally focused on the OM rather than the life she is blowing up. In fact, the OM is so popular with both of them and all of you that they ought to give him a reality show when this is over. The best part will be when this thread reaches it's 50 page cut off and no one has a clue what happened to the OM. I'd lay odds that he ghosts the wife and goes radio silent, along with the military.

[This message edited by Tearsoflove at 7:25 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

...a congressman who is on the national security committee.

Your senator is the Senate Majority Leader, hopefully you included him. Him sending a message requesting info will cause an earthquake.

[This message edited by DeWittle at 8:14 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

Like I said , OM is a garnish. She is facing her own consequences soon enough. I have mailed letters to everyone that matters detailing her little escapade. She has manipulated and lied to several of these people, and in the town we live in you tell one you might as well put it in the paper. It will be all over in a matter of days. Just the looks alone will be enough to make her think. Mean while I wait for the lawyers to set things in motion. All my end of the process has been either set up or loaded, and I'm just waiting for lawyer number 1 to get the bankruptcy ball rolling.

Hang in there honey -- we're from KY originally and understand the small town mentality -- doesn't matter where you're from but they are truly all the same.

Just take care of yourself and your kids --- you'll be OK and one day you'll look back and think -- Wow -- I was a badass - it's called taking control and steering YOUR ship without the co-captain you thought was with you.

This is no James Bond flick.

This is front-and-center reality, and is intricately--and inextricably--woven into GW's quest and well-being.

His wife exists mindlessly in an affair fog, which he says is having a detrimental effect on his kids. Even her facial features have changed.

He has paced himself wonderfully, and his efforts will come to fruition.

Separately, James Bond never had his entire life upended by a Navy gigolo.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 12:22 AM, September 14th (Thursday)]

I'm not sure badass is the right word. More like profoundly scary. But I mean that in a good way.

I'm going to tell you this now so that you don't have to wait to look back. Based on how you've proceeded to get to this point, I really don't think I'd ever want to go against you in a battle of cold, intelligently directed, steely resolve. I think I'd be showing up to a gunfight with a pocket knife.

Please keep doing whatever you need to do on this path out. I'm just gonna hang out here and watch.

I hope you don't mind if I take notes.

[This message edited by lostmyreligion at 10:21 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

GW, stay the course you've charted and, Tears, I stand by my earlier comments.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 11:17 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

i gotta agree with the assessment above about how some commands will rugsweep it. thats why i advised also contacting jag and congressman. outside eyes are great at forcing the military to do something.

Got a question about something that's been in the back of my mind til today.

A while back before I came to you, I was in a shitty place, obviously. I was at the begging pleading stage. So bad that I told WW to keep long distance OM and quietly try to work it out with me- her response was no because it's wrong, I'd be cheating on him.

What type of crazy ass mindset is that? Cheating on your boyfriend is wrong but cheating on your husband is ok?

It means nothing now but I'm just curious if it was the fog or if she's insane...... lol

...I told WW to keep long distance OM and quietly try to work it out with me- her response was no because it's wrong, I'd be cheating on him.

It's actually kind of a common thing for the wayward to say. It's the crazy psychotic foggy speech/actions you can't comprehend because you're sane. There is a thread, I think in General, for the things the wayward said, pretty sure that is in there. There use to be a saying around here that you can't rationalize the irrational, or something like that. Doesn't make it any less sick.

Sadly that is not a rare wayward mindset. She was just more forthcoming about it. I think you want to try and understand it. You're trying to wrap your head around something that is completely fvcked up. Fog or insanity? Your looking for an explanation of why your W could go so completely off the rails. To the extent that she is a different person. This is why this stuff is mindfvcking.

Gw, answer yourself this question (you don't owe us an answer). Are you hoping she comes out of the fog, return to her senses, return to her M, return to you and the children?

Timeless, to be completely honest, some days I want that more than anything. Other days I could give two shits if I ever see her again. I guess my mind is still not quite in the right place. But I realize what must be done in reality and I'm pressing on. It gets a little less murky every day and with every step I take. I chalk it up to the fact that I'm relatively still early on in this process. All I can do is slog forward, looking in the rearview