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JWB2, my fiancé of over two years, what I thought was my soul mate and my life, left me without a word for her AP. You are afraid this pain will never leave you till your death, but it will. After all this time since mine left, 25 years now, I realize what a fool I have been. There are many loyal, honest, faithful women out there, that are yearning for honest, loving, and faithful men like us. You can find happiness, both of us can!! Don't give up brother, you will find a good woman to love you. After 25 years I have learned this is a truth!! Don't give up, she is out there looking for you, you will find her. Don't give up now. Good luck to you brother. Take my advice and don't give up. Stay strong.

Sorry you're going through this. You asked yourself why she would do this. Not simply the A but lying about you, the personal attacks, all of it. The answer is simple. If you aren't the bad guy then she is and she can't handle that.

Her actions have shown she has chosen to be a lesser person. Lesser in honesty, integrity, compassion, loyalty, and respect. You're the better person so why should you hurt yourself? Why add to what she has done?

I know it must be even more confounding that she is doing this after so many years together. It makes a senseless choice even more bizarre. A crazy decision is not going to have a rational reason behind it so imho the best course is to remind yourself over and over there is not point in trying to understand. You would literally have to go crazy to get it.

I will no doubt learn to live with out her but I am afraid this pain will never leave, not until I draw my last breath on this earth.

You need to grieve your marriage. It was long lasting, and filled with many good memories. But you will need to learn to let go, and move on.

I have to tell you---it took me a loooong time to come to grips that I lost the marriage that I once had. In the initial months, it was virtually impossible for me to face. I simply couldn't and wouldn't accept it. The part that made it most difficult was that there was NOTHING that I could do to fix it.

But time does ease the pain. I can tell you this because I am much further down the road. Life is worth living. Happiness is out there waiting for you---you just have to go and get it.

Would I prefer my *old* life back? In a heartbeat. But that doesn't mean that I am miserable....quite the opposite. The same can...and will...apply to you---if you let it.

Today the meds are kicking in thank God. It's taken me this long to truly realize it is over. She will not be back. So many times before we have quarreled and she would take off only to return a couple weeks or days later. This time it is different, she has someone else to cling to.

So I bid her farewell, sell the house and travel the country for couple of years. Not so bad really. It's how I wanted to retire but held back by her demands. Nothing in the way now. And I don't want to wait until my health may be an issue.

Let see if I can make the balance of my life an adventure.

Odd thoughts today because of our ages. Me 63 her 60. Will her AP stand by her as she ages.? Will he be there as her health fails and sex is no longer on the table? As she becomes physically unable will he be there to support her? I would have stayed with her the rest of my life no matter how old she looked, how her physical body looked or how sick she became. I promised I would 37 years ago.

I know these things are not my problem any longer they just appeared in my thought process.

Traveling and enjoying yourself sounds like a great way to enjoy retirement. After all she put you threw you deserve to have fun. As far as the two of them go, it's hard to say. He really doesn't sound like the loyal kind. I felt from the beginning of your post's that he just see's her as a source of free cash and sex. But like you said, that's her problem now. Your only problem now is selling the house, getting divorced, and traveling the country enjoying yourself.

It's a nice fantasy. It had always been my desire to show her the country after we retired. Problem was it was my fantasy, not hers.

I still fight these damn emotions and missing her. Don't know how that would all play out on the road but like I say it's a fantasy for me right now. We will see with time. I still have a lot to clean up after her.

I have made a mistake. I stopped by her mothers home and she invited me in. I just stopped by to tell her "goodbye" she has been terribly I'll on dialysis . I gave her a hug and left. Her attorney called mine with a demand to leave her mother alone. More ammo for a restraining order I guess. I have known and yes loved this woman for 37 years. She is very sick and I was afraid she would die before I had a chance to talk one last time. We always had lively conversations thru the years.

The hatred of my x to try and connive is reaching new lows. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's just I don't think like this and made a "mistake" by being kind.

Don't beat yourself up brother. All you went to do was say goodbye, and you did. I am sure your MIL appreciated it very much. Your STBXW has something very broken in her mind. Most likely she is projecting loathing for her horrific actions in the affair onto you. You need to distance yourself from anything that has to do with her. Years from now, you will be in a much happier, secure place, and frame of mind than her. Her bad boy will turn on her eventually, you just make sure you are nowhere to be found if she comes back looking for you. Stay strong brother.

I'm going to laugh here. This has nothing to do with her, more has to with some sick/twisted validation she's getting by having this tenuous power over you.

You said goodbye, you did the right thing. Now you stay out of her hair..but you watch she'll try something to drag you into her world of crazy.

Buy a VAR and record and note everything.

So I bid her farewell, sell the house and travel the country for couple of years. Not so bad really. It's how I wanted to retire but held back by her demands. Nothing in the way now. And I don't want to wait until my health may be an issue.

Let see if I can make the balance of my life an adventure.

That's a great attitude to have! Start thinking of the positive things you can do with your life moving forward.

It was really hard for me for a long time - I just couldn't see what my life would be like (I had a contentious divorce/custody battle). But one day I started to think about the future and, mentally, things looked less dark.

Met with attorney today and due to certain circumstances it appears now my cheating wife will actually get very little in the way of money. We spent a lot on jewelry for her and if a gift can't divide . But she recently sold some of the jewelry and kept the cash. 3k worth. That establishes the jewelry as an investment if we go to trial. She's the I it one with an ira80k because we use mine to square away the business when it closed. She has no idea half is mine. Seems this wonderful fuck is going to cost her big time.....see that look on my face??...that's a shit eating grin.

My soul still aches and the pain is still felt just way down deep I may just enjoy being free. Juries still out but the sky is blue today and one day at a time.

Becareful with her having an IRA.

What's to stop her from cleaning it out and putting it under a mattress? Yeah, there's a tax penalty, but I'd rather pay 10% and the tax, than 50+%. Know what I mean?

Can your lawyer prevent her from touching it until the D is final?

Yes... If it is in her name only then I suspect it is already cleaned out due to the criminal type her boyfriend is. I would talk to a lawyer PRONTO about getting some kind of halt on it till after the divorce. Of course if it is in both of your names she would have to FORGE your signature to get at it.

No it's in her name but I have the documentation. She starts hiding money and judges take a dim view of that PLUS I can take it out of the escrow when the house sells.

She won't get away with that one but thanks for the heads up.

As fast as she is going through her cash this will come as a rude awakening and a very expensive LAY for her

[This message edited by JWB2 at 11:03 PM, January 5th (Tuesday)]

Reading your current post, brought back to mind a saying I have heard all my life. "Cheaters never prosper." I really hate you have been put through all this hell. And I do hope this backfires in her face, and truly does become a very expensive lay for her. Stay strong, you are going to come out of this on top.

Long forgotten. Great post.thats a saying I had forgotten. I hope it becomes the truth in this case. Thanks for the reminder

You know you think you have everything under control and the emotions blow out from underneath you. I still can't believe she threw us away so easily. What kinda of heartless self centered heart does it take to do this and feel nothing. I wonder if she regretted it for even a moment. We have had no contact so I won't know, never will. What one thing snapped and she said F-it I am out?

I still can't believe she threw us away so easily.

THIS is the exact thing my brother told me after his wife left him with three kids still in the home. One a toddler that still needs a lot of care. At the time my brother had knee replacement surgery and a mother-in-law in the house with dementia. (Talk about being served a sh*t sandwich!) Vows for better or worse had become til something better comes along.

Hindsight is 20/20. I think the media is partially to blame with nearly all programming centered on if it feels good do it attitude. That and the news is ALWAYS bad and getting worse at an alarming rate. And one of the biggest culprits 'smartphones' which I won't go into. I don't watch much TV anymore other than a weather report. I will watch Netflix now and then where I can pick and choose.

Personally I believe this is a sign of the times. I believe there are a lot of people with the wrong outlook on life. They think the world owes them. The grass is always greener on the other side of the hill syndrome (if you will). I think people are running after unicorns and rainbows looking for instant gratification; after all... television and smartphones can't be wrong. And believe it or not I am NOT an 'Eeyore'!

Apology's for the rant.

[This message edited by Marriagesucks at 9:37 AM, January 7th (Thursday)]

No apology necessary. We are all in a very strange group together. I trusted so much I never dreamed I would be here with retarded coping skills at being alone. Don't feel very masculine with these emotions tumbling thy my mind and life.

I find myself wondering if she once stopped for a moment to consider all the hurt she has dished out or is she so sick it either doesn't matter or she doesn't care. It's a no win thought process but I thought I knew her after all these years and found I lived with a stranger.