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Well I. Haven't heard a word from my WW since she moved her stuff out with her police escort. In many ways it's as if she died that day. She has contacted my youngest and. Inquired as to my health she heard I had lost a lot of weight 32 pounds. Still can't eat right. She was sure to classify her interest as humanitarian .

How does she do it, just kill 37 years of marriage just like that. Is this OM so damn perfect? She must have so much incredible hate in her soul she has directed at me.

I guess I should consider myself luck for what some of you here go thru yet my heart breaks with loneliness. I also most feel ashamed to admit that.

In the past when we had rocky experiences we could always communicate and work past the problem and work to resolve together. Of course there never was another man in the picture. I am just so decimated as to the level she has gone.

She must have so much incredible hate in her soul she has directed at me.

It has nothing to do with you. Directed at you. These actions are not done with the intention to hurt you because you're simply not in the equation, you're just the wreckage of her actions as she does what she wants.

Yes she enjoys the validation but dont beat yourself up thinking she's lying awake at night dreaming of new ways of hurt you.

How does she do it, just kill 37 years of marriage just like that. She must have so much incredible hate in her soul she has directed at me.

Selfishness, entitlement, and poor boundaries. After she reconnected with OM she began to feel she deserved a fling. So she had to justify it in her mind, so she begins to nit pick at every little thing in your marriage. She started detaching from you, and bonding with OM, so therefore in her mind you must be at fault, the bad guy. You were standing between her and her dream world. So she turned on you, with OM validating her every step of the way. It is all in her head and mercenary heart. It has nothing to do with you, period. In her mind, she is right, and a good person, which doesn't match up with her current actions. So, in her mind, you drove her to this. You are such a bad husband to do this to her. But it is all an illusion she has created, but unfortunately, it you having to deal with her delusional actions.

Is this OM so damn perfect?

NO! Far from it! He is a criminal, and a cheat. I still feel as soon as he gets all he can from her, she's going to find that out as well.

Well I. Haven't heard a word from my WW since she moved her stuff out with her police escort. In many ways it's as if she died that day.

With the way she act's toward you it is a blessing for you to not see her or deal with her craziness. Also the statement about her seeming to be dead is very true. The woman you were married to for 37 years is dead and gone. This bitter, hateful, woman that looks like your wife is all that remains.

She has contacted my youngest and. Inquired as to my health she heard I had lost a lot of weight 32 pounds. Still can't eat right. She was sure to classify her interest as humanitarian .

You never stated what your youngest told her. Remember knowledge is power. You should ask your kids to not share any information about you with her. The fact that she is trolling for information made me very nervous when I heard it. After the divorce is final, you will never have to deal with her again. And if you really don't want to be alone, there are plenty of women out there that would jump at the chance to date you. Don't concentrate on her, get a hobby, go visit friends, visit your kids, there are lots of things to keep your mind busy. Stay strong brother, you can do this.

Your comments mean a lot to me thank you

Tren and long forgotten,

I made a brief thank you the other day but had more time to review your thoughtful responses. Know that your words have touched my heart and mind. In this swirling chaos in my mind your kindness in taking time means a lot.

I never stopped to realize to have your thoughts validated was so valuable, especially in this situation like this where you are trying to understand another persons sick and warped actions to make some kind of sense.

I still have a hard time really realizing this is the same person but sharing your thoughts with me has really opened my eyes.

Why does everyone who asks about my story end up saying "she will be back". Is this a universal wishing you well or something?

I am finally at the point where I am dismissing her from the rest of my life and I get this comment.

I don't want her back in my life. All I have to think about is those last looks on her face and I want no part of her abuse.

It's not a universal wishing. That's what cheaters do. They realize that their unicorn fantasies are just that and want their stability back.

Man, I feel horrible for you. 37 years and you get this on the tail end ??

On the other hand, if things deteriorate between the two of them, how can you go on getting back together with her knowing you were plan B ?

Something broke in her. Shame on her. You need to keep the divorce thing going until what has broken is not broken any more. Then you need to figure out if you want this person still after all she did to you ?

It's all your call.

Keep moving on without her like you will never be with her again.

Anything short of cartwheels, big gold rings, and tears everytime she ever sees you again should resort in divorce. I am sorry to say this but you already said it.

I hate stories like these. They are so common. I could pick apart your initial post and blame you for many mistakes you made in helping this happen. However, the cheating is 100% on her and you need and deserve to protect yourself. We ll, in marriage, feel we have perfect situations where the other spouse won't cheat. You had that confidence in your marriage and gave some leeway to a skunk to come in. I always look at marriage as a two way partnership whereas if I get weak in my morals, she picks them up and disposes of the problems (Then happily kicks my ass later) But some people aren't that strong so your wife failed and you need to keep moving on IMO

OBTW worried about your health while she's doing this to you ? Yes what a Saint...

Noone who is sane does this at 37 years. Protect yourself and move on. Easy for me to say ? yes since I am one who was lucky to find out early and move on.

But what do you do when you are 70 ? 80 ?? sitting on a beach alone ?? Living the lie ?

What do your kids think ?

ok.

3 questions..

1) Has she stopped threatening bullshit restraining orders ?

2) What is your status regarding detachment and divorce ?

3)Are you finding yourself detaching successfully ?

Why does everyone who asks about my story end up saying "she will be back". Is this a universal wishing you well or something?

It all depends on who is saying it to you. To someone who doesn't really understand being cheated on, they don't really know what to say. So for them it could be a form of," Don't worry it will be ok." They think they are comforting you. For people that know about being cheated on, it's a warning!! A lot of the time when the cheaters fantasy world is destroyed, and they land on their ass, they come running back to their BS. They promise their BS the moon if they can just come back home.

I am finally at the point where I am dismissing her from the rest of my life. I don't want her back in my life. All I have to think about is those last looks on her face and I want no part of her abuse.

That is why it is so important for you to remain No Contact with her, so you can detach from her. You need to concentrate on yourself and your happiness. To become stronger and independent on your own. So if things go wrong with her lover boy, you won't fall for being her back up plan, her plan B. Keep working on yourself, further detach from her. You can do this. Stay strong.

Western you hit all the points pretty damn square on. I do not want R. I want the divorce I am just starting to realize I am free from the crap she has dished out all these 37 years. The loneliness was killing me but time is helping me deal with it and as soon as the divorce is wrapped up I will moving on seeing and photographing this incredible country. Will I die a lonely old man?... Maybe but damn I am free of this crap.

I feel her restraining order threats and having police there when she moves stuff is an attempt to build a DV case. She needs something to stand on and I hear if they have a strong case it can be real hard on me. I never laid a hand on this woman even though she could really push my buttons. Never!

My boys are older 30 & 33 but she is basically estranged now from the oldest. Won't even talk to him. He insisted on talking face to face and she refused. He was there when I found out.

The youngest is just hanging in there. They both cannot believe this is there mother acting this way. He mentioned my mother taught me better morals than the way she is acting. He is very afraid this could happen to him as he is engaged.

Long forgotten, I think you are right to remain NC. I have no reason to speak to her and when I have I am met with a barrage of hate (very confusing I should be the one yelling).

I discussed with my IC the fact I still felt love for her but don't want her back. She had a great explanation and helped me settle down that emotion.

If her world blew up I would help her I.e. Move etc. but I have no more emotions to invest in this person that created a gapping wound where my heart used to be.

The person I spoke to today knew her in high school. Hard chick then. But when she relayed the story of her father betraying her mother she warned me, She will be back.

Well I have learned you can love someone too much. When you put them ahead of your self respect. I loved this woman dearly and tried to honor my vows from so long ago. In doing so I, foolishly realizing now, tried to over look her innate meanness. After all it wasn't turned on me.

Example, she shared a fantasy of having new car surprise gift with a bow on top. I made it happen for her, bow and everything. Result she didn't like the car a new z camero. I hid my feelings of disappointment. The way I was raised you would never have said that. You would love the person more for even thinking enough to make your wish come true. Not her.

I took 37 years of this kind of crap and almost believed her that I had a temper problem. I certainly got outrageously pissed at the "poking a stick thru the cage she did". But I never laid a hand in her...ever. I certainly threw a lamp or two to the ground like the day I found her out. But like the cop she called said, "I see cheating women beat to hell".

So yes, you can love someone too much and pay a deep price in the process. I thank you good people here at SI for your words of wisdom, experience (no one wishes they had) and concern. Like I have said before I had complete strangers here more concerned about me than my XW of 37 years.

I think I do see that light at the end of the tunnel but it's still out there a ways. Thank you all!

JWB2, I've been following you since you came here with this story. Yes, the people of SI care. We do. It is a sort of weird fraternity of guys who have gone through a shitstorm and help each other. I think of M*A*S*H doctors, running out to get the next gurney, with battle wounded, and then that guy staying at M*A*S*H to help others too. Getting each other through the trauma.

Your story...man. 37 years is a long time (as was my fWW's marriage at 27 yrs when she strayed). I have to wonder if something biological, chemical, "tripped" in your WW's mind. If there was some sort of indetectable mini-mal stroke or something. Not that that would help, but...something.

Hey. If you ever decide to see the country and swing through VA, give me a shout. I'd be glad to point you in the right direction to the coolest stuff off the beaten path.

Good luck, JWB2. Keep us up to date.

Example, she shared a fantasy of having new car surprise gift with a bow on top. I made it happen for her, bow and everything. Result she didn't like the car a new z camero.

Wow. You know I always laugh at those commercials. (I will never be able to afford a brand new car.) But your ww saw that on TV and really wanted to have that new car with the big bow? Just like a kid seeing a toy commercial. Then of course, the kids gets the toy and it isn't as great as the commercial made it look. .. and thats one of life's little lessons. Helium balloons fly away when you let go, ice cream cones melt, and toys aren't always as fun as their advertising.

I guess the OM did a pretty good advertising campaign on her. I wonder how disappointed she is now that the bows and wrapping paper are off. Its just so pathetic. I know I shouldn't feel sorry for her, but damn. She just crazied everything away.

Well you see I honestly loved this women and did my best to show it. She just NEVER appreciated it. As I have started thinking back she was always dissatisfied with something. She is quick witted or I a a dumb ass but she could turn it around on you and I would find myself just trying to make it work. Very fools I, I was for a very long time.

Even now I feel I miss her but know that is just damn sick. Yet how do you control every feeling.

I truly feel exhausted from this crap and here I am cleaning up the mess again. Still I see what so many here are going through and somehow feel I have an easier road. If I had to see and deal with her every day I would shoot myself.

Yes Canoe, I am hoping to pull this together after the divorce. Without her impulsive spending ways my retirement money should do me well enough to travel. I worry about loneliness for that is what I am dealing with now but I certainly don't want her back. The movies still continue in my head but I will conquer somehow. I just might take you up on that!

Trivial,

I just re read your post great comment.

Yeah I am sure at some point in time she may have regrets but she would never show that to me. The sheer level of hateful and vindictive crap that has flowed from her mouth I didn't think she was capable of. After the divorce she wil hate me even more simply because that's the way her sick mind works.

I really am better off away from her.

Now just to get this divorce done and move on.

JWB2, I have seen women on here really spew hatred at their spouses and still beg later to come home, so don't dismiss this. Prepare to repel an attempt to trick her way back home. As to the lonliness. I don't know what you look like physically. I am 48, 6'3 and 305lbs. So I am not in the best of shape, obviously. LOL. I have had 2 women express interest in me. Since I have begun to put myself out there again. And these are women that have known me for years. Not dating sites. You don't have to be lonely if you don't want to be. There are many women out there looking for honest, loyal, faithful men. So don't give up hope.

Long forgotten,

I sincerely hope she won't try that. She is so damn proud and manipulative I just don't see her ever want to come back. Especially rejecting her sons etc, she is gone and I hope it's for good.

Thanks for the words on loneliness however I am 63 years old. I am not "dead yet" but I can see it from here. This whole thing has caused 32 pounds of weight loss and 6'1" 189lbs. Haven't been that weight since high school football. But like I said I am 63.

Who knows how much longer we have but I like the idea of "living like you are dying". What woman would want to spend time with a man "on his last legs"?

What woman would want to spend time with a man "on his last legs

A 63 year old women who shares a lot of common likes, ideas and things with you...