SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Long forgotten, thanks for your reply it made me feel better. I feel ignorant when these emotions lead me to thoughts of being petty or hating and you are wise in stating I will probably never truly hate her. It boils down to desiring some validation that she doubts or feels bad about what she has done to me and our family. That I will never know for I intend to enforce NC. It's easier to feel she died that DDay and the women she is now killed her.

Those fond memories do seek into my mind and I fight them with anger and "hate". I just want to move on and fill my mind with actions for the future. I have always been active and fortunately for a small inheritance I might be able to travel a bit while I a,ms till physically able. I am starting to recognize I need to take better care of myself. I lost 36 pounds now 185 so need to change that around fast. Lost a lot of muscle mass time to rebuild.

I digress, but I will never allow her selfishness and lack of character and honor destroy my life.

JW;

One day at a time brother. Like you I am looking fwd to the day this shit doesnt invade my mind at some point, I see you are struggling with this too.

NC and 180 is key. No new pain right!

but I will never allow her selfishness and lack of character and honor destroy my life.

This says it all.

Keep moving forward.

HM

How you doing brother? Haven't heard from you in a little while. Hope you are moving forward with positive results.

I stop by here often and my heart breaks for the new ones. I remember all to well what those first pains feel like. I don't think I will ever forget.

I have made a lot of progress very fast for we have absolutely no contact. Attorneys talk for us which to me is so childish but definitely her choice. Wait till she gets her bill because I am not paying for her snake (former friend).

Even though I have made emotional control my target and moved quite aways along comes Valentines day and after thirty seven years I have a wealth of memories. Many are good ones and remembering allows those feelings to sneak up on your.

I have come to understand they were good memories and became the fabric of our lives but in the end days her brokenness and lack of moral character allowed us to break completely. I have had success in dividing these two aspects of my life. Dear memories filled with love juxtaposed by filthy vile actions on her part that destroyed all semblance of love in our lives.

I will probably never forgive her for that. I will always love that person of long ago but am repulsed by the slut she became.

I will tell you that it is disappointing to think you have things all filed away emotionally and then BAM one slips by and you feel that incredible pain all over again. I know I am barely four months out from DDay but I have not spoken to her once since then other than the rampage she did when picking up her stuff with police supervising her move out. She called because she is "afraid" of me and the officers were more concerned about keeping her under control.

I pray every morning ( a new habit I have formed) for all of your here that you can experience some for of peace, in your soul, your heart and very being.

God help us!

Long forgotten,

Hey thanks for your concern!

I have been able to move on considerably with the help of an IC. She is really great and helping me so very much.

I am busying myself with planning my new life. Some may say I am brushing things under the carpet but really I realize I had no part in this decision of hers to end our lives together. BUT!!!!! only I have the control of the decision of how it will go on and I plan on thriving. I know my circumstance may be so different from others but I don't want to waste one more minute ( did my time - 37 years worth) in my life with the concern with this woman who just threw our Love to the wind. I have no place in my heart or mind for what she now is or has done. Yes, dismissed from my life and since I don't have all that many more (63) I want to make the best of them as I finish up here on earth.

Maybe a weird, hard point of view but it's how I feel. I wasted so many years working my ass off to make her happy and this is what I got I just want to make up for lost time.

I was actually afraid and uncomfortable to be alone and am finding out I am actually a nice person. No body to be afraid of. Reminds me of Old dog, new Tricks.

Anyway, I am getting a new Border Collie pup in April to accompany me on the road. Need something - one to nurture! (Remember my dog died 2 weeks after the WW left). Raising a pup and training will keep my mind busy... very busy.

Bottom line, even though there are days it hurts so bad my heart hurts, I will not submit to this woman's decision to invalidate our past love by defaming it with another man. Her problem now. I have no room in my heart should she wish to return so it's a done deal, divorce I mean. Hopefully, sometime in August.

Thanks for the update JWB. It is good to hear that you are moving forward and making positive plans for the future. I also agree that the absolute no contact will make healing and moving on easier. After my fiancé left me, I didn't see or speak to her again for 9 years. It makes it easier to stop thinking of them and to start thinking of yourself.

I don't think you brushing things under the carpet. You are working threw your issues with your IC, and making plans to enjoy your new freedom. Like you said, she is the one that ended the marriage and she is the one with all the emotional baggage. I say finish the divorce, get your dog, travel and have fun. You earned it brother. Stay strong.

Long forgotten,

Nine years!!!! Did you recognize her???? That must have been a shock after that long.

With as old as we are 60's we might not even be around in 9 years!

Still I have no desire to see her. All I remember is the venom she was spraying on anyone in her way. It's a good image to end on for dismissal of any emotion. Believe me, I have no desire to sit down at the divorce table but it must be done. I will kill her with kindness and walk away a FREE man!

Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I know it might not feel like much but to me it is a great comfort... Thank You!

Nine years!!!! Did you recognize her???? That must have been a shock after that long.

LOL. I was manager of an Advance Auto Parts store at the time. I was in my office doing paper work. The cashier paged me for a manager override on the register. I walked threw the store, papers in hand, and keyed in my override code. I was walking back to the office, I heard a female voice say, " Hello John.", I looked up, it was her. Yes, I recognized her. I said," Hi." And walked back to my office. I have to admit, I was surprised. LOL But by then she was of no real importance to me anymore. You will get there too.

You have many years of happiness ahead of you, same as me. Our women didn't appreciate us, and didn't deserve us. Even though you prefer dogs as a pet, and I always had cats, LOL, we both deserve a happy future, and to find a woman to love us.

Long forgotten,

I just bet she was waiting for some reaction from you or at least a conversation. Well played! To be honest my heart quickened with that pang when I read your post. In the course of our marriage we have broken up a number of times. Never with adultery as the cause, we worked to gather for 35 years so it happened. I do remember, turning around and her saying, "Hello John" followed with a big smile and we went for coffee and conversation that got us back on track.

This time however, there is no option. Betrayal was the "deal breaker" for me. Especially when she followed it up with such hatred. That I will never understand and hope not to expend much more effort trying.

Just an FYI she had five cats which I still caring for four of them. Hate to take them for "rehoming" we've had them since kittens. She even betrayed them...LOL if it weren't so sad.

To be honest, age was taking a toll on the ole girl and in 9 years should i see her I probably won't recognize the OleBag. Cause my OleMan eyes just won't.

JWB2, you did what you thought was best for your relationship threw the years. You had no idea it would lead to this, or that she would turn on you like she did.

I have no idea what mine thought I would say or do the day she said Hello to me. I was shocked to even see her.

I thought about what you said about not recognizing her after 9 years. I think you will recognize her as I did mine. But you will not know her. I think that is what I came to realize. And I think with all your WW has done, you realize you don't know her either.

This terrible place we find ourselves in by no choice of our own causes sleepless nights with a broken heart and thoughts that permeate both mind and spirit. Longforgotten , your comment about not knowing them... Really struck home.

There is an old saying, "a man lives as he dreams... Alone".

I remember thinking about that after my mother died (five months after my father 14 months ago). I remember it well because I was so thankful I had my wife by my side.

Now....I understand so very well!!! I never really did know her and that has a special kind of sadness all its own. To spend 37 years together and still not know the person you love.

[This message edited by JWB2 at 6:03 AM, February 21st (Sunday)]

As tough as I hoped I was ,it is those quiet moments of loneliness that hurt the most. The the one you trusted for very many years doesn't even care about you any longer is such a devastating feeling.

Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be whole again or did she really tear this huge hole in my very being.

How could I ever trust another human being to that depth and breadth knowing I stand the chance of experiencing this again.

She really did murder my soul.

JWB, I also considered myself a strong man. And by everyone's definition I was. But we all have our weakness. My weakness was a 5'2 blonde, with blue eyes.

It's a fact, a woman can rip your heart out. After mine left me I spent the last 25 years alone. But now that I have found this site, and went through IC, I realized that I was punishing myself for her crimes. That not all women are the same.

Don't punish yourself for loving her. Pity her for not being able to realize what she had with you.

[This message edited by longforgotten at 7:38 AM, February 25th (Thursday)]

Longforgotten,

It just seems so difficult to maintain my perspective when your heart keeps upsetting the cart. I know I go through phases of hate as my IC said I would but it always seems to soften up when I least expect it. Doesn't seem real. There are so many memories how can a person just one day say none of that matters to me anymore and walk away? It so foreign to my mind , soul and heart .BUT that is my reality....and accept I will its just those little memories that flash past and still stab my aching heart.

JWB,

what is the status of the divorce ?

I am glad you are moving on and seeking the happiness you deserve.

One their fairytale cheating romance is over and crashes and burn in flames, let us know. I will throw a keg party with my friends in your honor

Wow 37 years pure evil. I wonder if there were any clues you may have missed during that time, red flags or if she just broke completely all at once

Western,

She was always a very coarse person to others. Outspoken and some would call her mean. Recently I heard the guys in her gym called her the "ball buster". She had a "mean streak" and would force that on others. It was always embarrassing to me and when I objected to treating people like that she always had some diatribe I had to bear out. As hard shelled as she was I loved her dearly and at first I believe she loved me too.

We worked together for 35 years and were used to being together constantly. That would seem to be a bad thing but we depended on each other. Then in 2008 she decided she wanted a divorce. We worked hard on it or I guess I should say, "I worked hard on it".

She has always been outspoken and would later be remorseful for being so unthinking. Her father was like that as well.

As "hard shelled" as she was she WAS a very loving and tender woman to me. She was my partner in so many ways. We always talked about how much stronger we were together and what we could accomplish when on the same wave length. T

The last five years have been extremely difficult and I just honestly believe she broke. Something inside broke mentally or????

As I sit here alone it is those moments of loneliness that I have the hardest time with. I still miss her. I will never accept what she did and would never have her back but something way down there in my heart missed so very much what we once had. No my life is truly empty.

The divorce is still moving along. She was all in a bother to get it done and I, in turn, filled out the response and it's been on her attorney's desk waiting..... My son told me last weeks she asked if my inheritance had arrived yet. That leaves a nasty taste in my mouth for if she thinks she get some of that she is in for a big disappointment. It may be at the behest of the prick she is shacked up with. Who knows at this point. We do not talk.

As I sit here this morning trying to make sense of Anything about today it occurs to me that the joy in my life is gone.

It's hard to get "up" about anything.

To do that to someone has to be a very heinous sin. I am sure my WW would give a care.

Then I ask myself why I let her effect me and it just boils down to all the effort I have made through 37 years to make this relationship work. I guess I thought I could help her with her attitude in someways but she turned around and bit me in the end.

How do you find hope in the day and NOT let this detestable person effect what is left of your life.

What can I do to erase this SLUT from my mind and heart.

God I want to hate her with all that I am yet cannot seem to find that in my heart. Makes me feel weak, as it were.

JW;

You have been heard. As you know we get it. Clearly you are still in a lot of pain. We all are, it's not easy. If I could offer anything I would say focus on you, get busy, find joy in others, and create new acomplishments. Easy to say I know. I sit and dwell sometimes too, we all do.

I am finding however, with each passing day I am getting stronger and stronger. NC obviously is key. Do I slip when she text about the kids and tries to leverage something in? Sure. But then it's back to it brother.

As you know this isn't on you! You will never be able to eat rationalize what she had done. Period! I know it's hard not to get stuck there. One foot in front of the other.

compartmentalize.

Think about her only when working out.

get hobbies and focus on them.

Make sure this divorce goes through and you get what you want out of it.

Then live and enjoy..

It is sickening the length of the marriage and the betrayal but you didn't cause this. She did. She'll meet the maker in a bad position not you.

Take a trip to where you always wanted to go and deep breath, relax and live !!