SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

if there is any truth to the affair fog, she is so far into she can't see straight

Hm, I didn't know there was fog in the ass. I thought that there was shit only. Ok, farts maybe?

Sorry.

I'm with Midnight. Keep her in that blessed fog. It'll allow you to get yourself into as good a position as possible legally if she's concerned with other things.

180.

You do need to talk to your lawyer about the possibility of her taking them out of state

Shark man I spoke to my lawyer last night about that very same question. Here in Kentucky she's allowed to take the children out of state without my consent. The only time that she is not allowed to do so as well the divorce is proceeding

GW

I know I have been riding you hard but I have to say your last posts have been more focused and more on course. I think all-in-all you are doing fine.

Regarding the finances – Think long-term. Be careful not to enter the White Knight mode when dealing with the divorce and finances. That’s when divorcing husbands hand off assets to the wife and take on all the marital debt. When the husband ends up deeply in debt, sitting on the tattered couch that was in the garage and eating off the plastic camping cutlery.

Be fair in all your dealings and be reasonable. Like custody… your chances of getting 100% custody is minimal and even asking for that will make the judge negative towards you. Offer 50/50 with you keeping the house and thereby the kids home and having prime-custody. That in turn might diminish any CS your wife might be entitled to.

Regarding your wife’s income potential. I take it the school job was originally only part-time to bring in some income. Well… with teenage kids the role as SAHM diminishes. 800 isn’t even minimum pay. If you have prime custody and with teenage kids there is no reason she doesn’t get a better job or a second job.

GW, you said this;

So you feel like OM should not have been exposed? He should just get a free pass for destroying my family? I disagree. His exposure is not to win her back, his exposure is a consequence of his actions. There is a price to pay for everything we do. My price is to lose my wife, almost loose my career, the prospect of losing every thing I have worked so hard for, my kids well being, my well being, enduring a month of mental abuse and basically having his dick rubbed in my face while I fought like a wildcat to save things. That is no fantasy. That is my reality. His exposure will cost his career. It's not for her, her consequences are coming in droves on their own. He knew the risks coming into this and chose to ignore them. Her hating me for turning him in is akin to the drug dealer hating the police for arresting them. You did the dirty biutbits my fault you got caught. Sorry, I don't buy that. He's gotten away with this god knows how many times he's gotten away with thisnin his career, he never messed with the right one til now. I'm at the point that I don't care if she ever comes back, but they are not walking off into the sunset Scott free. As far as her taking anything, she has no money or resources to get a lawyer, so like him, she is at my mercy. She's been to 7 lawyers and can't afford 30 minutes with one. If he was gonna help he'd have paid for the first one. The only thing he's offfered is to pay her filing fee. So I am finally in control and can proceed at my pace driving this car.

Best post on this thread IMO. You are right to be aggressive and I for one believe exposure can also be therapeutic to punish the OM/OW. Why should they get treated with respect ? You are spot on here

That was part of the reason he was getting the " text o the day" it made him physically ill and terrified him everytimenhe heard that ding sound. She told me i needed to stop because the stress and pressure was killing him. He wakes up every day and pukes because he's wondering if today is the day. She is so stressed out her hands shake and she is ill all the time. She says it's because she worries when she doesn't hear from him if I have done it yet or not. Don't worry, I have stopped..... lol just a heads up on my motives. It was nice to repay some of the mental anguish.

Awww poor baby

Your WW is a special piece of work man. I applaud you for hanging in there and playing this so calculating. I personally couldn't live in the same house with my wife if she was acting like that, but I completely understand why you are, and it's the smartest thing you could do. My question; does she have any plans to go? Is she making any decisions other than sitting around hoping you will finance her relationship?

Not one plan or decision. She has never had a plan for someone who thinks her future is mapped out with him. She does not plan on going to him , because "he's not ready and it may be a long time " this is a long distance A and I don't see it lasting much longer. She cheated on me because she didn't get enough attention and affection in December. This ass hat can't do shit but call and text and tell her what she thinks she needs to hear. Even without exposure I think it would end by late October. It wasn't planned out at all. Which I find odd, because if he's your soulmate and you want to be with him why not have a plan to do so. She's being played and manipulated and doesn't even see it.

I think you're going cold turkey on the texts is actually going to put more stress on him than the continued texts.

Especially if you reinforce that by going dark on her as well.

Not one plan or decision. She has never had a plan for someone who thinks her future is mapped out with him. She does not plan on going to him , because "he's not ready and it may be a long time "

What is her reasoning that she thinks you will allow her to stay with you and the kids during this time? That is ridiculous! Surely even she can see that. IMHO, I give her till the end of the week to make other arrangements.

Maybe concede, you'll give her till the end of the month if she can come with half the mortgage and utility payments.

Pressure and deadlines as you see fit to get her off the delay tactic.

Doin' good, GW!

The problem here is since her name is on the deed she cannot be forced out unless there is DV on her part. And she knows that because that's how I moved back in. So she's got me there in a sense. And she has already stated she will not leave her children, when I offered her a ticket to go to him.

Radio silence will do as much as the "text o' day". He will eat himself up from the inside out wondering what the silence means.

I agree that you don't need to "buy" your way out. Just mix and match, plug and play, with the options to construct that "open door" that she can be "herded through".

I'm surprised that she could move the kids out of state permanently w/o your permission (assuming their are temporary or permanent orders of 50/50 custody). Something for your atty to build into the separation/divorce agreement.

Why.

Are.

We.

Focusing.

On.

The.

O.

M.

?

Because the OM fucked him over.

Big time.

No. The problem is that his wife fucked the OM.

He’s got serious issues to deal with. Revenge is at best a luxury and even then it’s like urinating on your hands on a winter day to keep warm. Gives relief for a few seconds but pain after that and leaves a funky smell.

Focus on the finances, the divorce, the kids, on you… and if you have all that nailed down THEN contemplate revenge.

So many BS get so focused on the AP, I don't understand this.

The affair partner isn't the issue. The AP never made any kind of commitment to the BS, never made a vow, in most cases don't even know the BS. I would speculate that in most cases the BS isn't even an after thought to the AP because the BS isn't part of their (the AP's) life other than a disembodied name that they try to avoid bringing up.

The WS on the other hand has day to day dealings with the BS. They have made vows, plans and commitments. The WS is the one doing the daily betrayal, telling the lie's and destroying lives.

Leftbroken,

While I understand what you are saying, it ultimately lands on the WW in this case, here is an instance where I say fuck this guy over if you can. Look, if she went off and picked up a guy from a bar, had a continued PA and never told him she was married, I would say it's not his fault. However, this guy is a predator, who knew WW was married and still spent the energy breaking up GW's marriage and family. Ultimately, yes, the WW was supposed to be faithful and take her vows seriously, however, this POS played a role in it. It's a chicken or the egg argument for me. While I agree GW needs to focus on getting his life together once he is rid of the cancer in his home, I say turn the screws to this POS as much as possible to prevent him from EVER thinking about trying to fuck over another family again. This isn't his first rodeo, but GW is doing his best to make sure it's his last.

I get why a bs tends to focus on the AP. I did initially. It's wrongly focusing your pain. There is a part of us that feels the AP , not the WS is mostly responsible for the betrayal. After all if they didn't come around our spouse wouldn't have cheated , right ?

Actually no,but it takes a while to wrap our brains around that it was our spouse who needs to have proper boundaries, who disrespected and betrayed us, not the OM.

To me this doesn't let the OM off the hook, but it's up to our spouse to "forsake all others" . If the OM was a decent human being he would have respected the marriage, but unfortunately the world is full of turds like him.

I understand (and encourage) some vengeance assuming it is done legally and ethically.

In this case if I'm evaluating GW he has a tendency to complicate things and has already had a bit of contact with OM. Anything more at this point will complicate his own head. And frankly silence is going to scare the bejesus out of both of them, so it's one of those things which is the right and smart thing to do.

OP exposed OM to his employer. Pretty standard stuff to get out of infidelity. Motivation? Revenge? At this point so what? He has moved to a point of NC with the OM.

DD June 22st. First SI post August 13th.

He moved back into his house. Said he was willing to work on things w/his wife. She refused. He exposed to family/friends. Told his kids. Getting them into IC. Got atty representation for his financial issues. Got atty representation for his D. Has a game plan for moving forward.

I would say he's doing pretty damn good for having been gutted.