SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The bankruptcy chapter 13, it will cover the arrears that was staying when I was forced out. As long as I make the house payments they were not foreclose. It's in five years it's taken care of. As far as the IRS debt it is included in the 13 in at the end of five years it is taken care of as well. This is not a Chapter 7 liquidation this is a repayment plan

The judge who has experienced infidelity will be your best friend.

It's not as difficult as it appears.

Run silent, run deep.

Spot on with the financials.

Gw, it sounds like you are perfectly positioned for the business of the D and your life with the kids.

It would be great if your attorney can get her to sign an agreement about the deed. Hell, give her 50% custody right away while she's thinking she'll get more $ than she will really end up with. The oldest choses you now, the youngest is 11. He'll chose you in 3-4 years.

You may be able to good quick settlement while she is distracted and self destructing. The OM has his hands full and may not be able to advise her on the D. He would probably advise her to take her 35K equity for the house, forcing you to sell.

So *play* nice with her to get a favorable agreement in place. She may not remain agreeable. Have your atty draw it up. See if she signs. If she balks tell her you won't *pursue* going after him if she signs. My prediction: she'll then sign.

But strike quickly. Once the Navy comes down on him they both are going to conclude you did it and she may not be so agreeable. BTW, if she accuses you of ratting him out, just deny it, gas light her. We can give you about half a dozen plausible stories in about 5 minutes time.

You are approaching the end game and have a chance at a good outcome. This may help you deal w/the emotions of the D: look at it as a business deal done on behalf of your kids to ensure a stable future in their home with a good standard of living.

You may be able to good quick settlement while she is distracted and self destructing. The OM has his hands full and may not be able to advise her on the D. He would probably advise her to take her 35K equity for the house, forcing you to sell.

Again, agreeing with Timeless, might be a good time to make her an offer.

What can you offer to get her to sign off with this D uncontested, quickly? Sounds like she needs a part time job at least. Can you afford to pay 3 months rent if she'll leave and sign off, if you handle this IRS and house payments? Otherwise, would she be responsible for her half of these debts?

Is there any benefit to divorcing first, before the Chapt 13? For you or her? Would total household income impact any of the re-payment schedules? Just throwing that out there.

Would the D reflect on her ability to get, say, Sect 8 housing assistance, ( due to showing less household income) that you could use as an incentive?

If I do the 13 first I'm carrying all of the debt and she walks away with none, which sounds shitty. But if we D first the property settlement may impact the 13. So it's better to enter it alone and absorb the debt than to have it divided and her not pay her half. Bad outcome that way. It sucks but it's financially safer for me. Before this I would trust her with anything. Now I'd be afraid OM Might look her way and she forget to pay her half one day and bam

You know guys, if there is any truth to the affair fog, she is so far into she can't see straight. As bad as she has it, it'll take a year to find the way out

Sounds like you've done the numbers on the financial to get the best you can, that's always a pain in the ass, but good job for getting ahead of it.

Yes, she is so deep in the fog it defies reason. My best guess is to construct some door, a way to daylight, so she will see that as a way out of her mess. By limiting her options and nipping at her heels you may can herd her to where you need her to be, out the door.

Have you thought about a time deadline for her? Hopefully before the Navy comes down on OM. What kind of incentive would she go for?

I know you've been thinking and calculating all the possibilities and scenarios, I'm just trying to get a few more ideas out there from your team.

Go for major concessions in the divorce.

Swing for the bleachers.

Period.

I don't know how much, if any, affect infidelity weighs on divorce proceedings in your state.

But if it does, hint that you plan to subpoena posom, her 'soulmate'.

At any rate, stay the course.

You're doing fine.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 3:27 PM, September 11th (Monday)]

Unfortunately for her, the judge in this county despises adulterers. It's a heavily religious county to begin with, and the judge has been cheated on twice. So there will be no sympathy or quarter given

Yep, you're in the driver's seat.

Swing above your weight, with assets and custody.

Tie down the military.

hint that you plan to subpoena posom, her 'soulmate'

Yes!

My best guess is to construct some door, a way to daylight, so she will see that as a way out of her mess. By limiting her options and nipping at her heels you may can herd her to where you need her to be, out the door.

Yes!

If for no other reason I'd like to get her out of the fog for the kids sake. Hopefully exposing him does it even though she said she'll hate me forever, which is no biggie to me

If for no other reason I'd like to get her out of the fog for the kids sake

How was her parenting before the A was discovered? Any difference after DDay? Any difference after the kids were told? I know you said your daughter idolized her.

You want to break the fog for your kids' sake, right?

I'm no psychiatrist, but your wife's behavior is similar to those with an addiction.

The addicted, in most cases, must hit rock bottom before they see the light.

Stay hard on the 180, go for the jugular with the military, pull every lever in divorce court.

Stay the course: run silent, run deep.

She may eventually find a mature love elsewhere, but it won't be her drug of coice, Navy boy.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 8:20 PM, September 11th (Monday)]

She was a great mom before all this. When this all popped off she was short with them at times and spent a lot of time in the bedroom facetiming shitbird. The kids know that now and they know when she goes for her walk at night what she's doing. She won't interrupt a call from him to text my daughter back, and for a while during the summer she would go in the room at nine OM "to bed" and let them stay up all hours so she could FaceTime freely in the am she's not the same person who was here 6 months ago. Looking back at photos from march till now it even looks as though her facial features have changed. I know that sounds weird but that's how it looks.

GW,

We're all rooting for you--that's for sure.

You're in fighting form. Hang.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 10:55 PM, September 11th (Monday)]

HI GW. Just dropped in to catch up on your thread; your story has been buzzing around at the back of my head. Really pleased to see you are doing so well and standing up for yourself. I hope you and you kids get all you want.