SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

At the very least, please please tell your cop friend all this stuff she has been saying and doing with regard to your health. Try to change your beneficiary/will.

You really need to stay the hell away from her and POSOM, but at the very least please make someone aware of all this so she doesn't get away with it if something happens to you. I know you are hurt, but you also need to be angry and cautious.

Please take care of yourself.

36,

From what you describe, the POSOM is committing fraud by by being paid for 'care' visits that are not taking place. He may be calling at certain addresses, at certain times, but he is not tending to the named recipients of the care.

Therefore, can your lawyer request the details of all the visits the POSOM logged to your address? If you can prove that you were not at home at those times, it follows that POSOM was financially defrauding the company. If your wife was signing any kind of proof to say that the visits had taken place, when you were not there, she is complicit in the fraud. She has admitted to you that she knows about POSOM's fake care visits scam, which is an admission that she has knowingly been an accomplice in the commission of fraud. Your wife does not appear to have realised that just yet, so do not mention it to her. Instead, discuss the fraud situation with your lawyer, in terms of potential legal options open to you to take action against the POSOM and the company that employs him. If you have details of the other couples that you say POSOM is pulling the same scam on, it may be worth contacting the husbands and telling them what you know. The fact that your wife is an accomplice to fraud may provide some leverage for you, which your lawyer can advise you about.

If you do decide to pursue this angle legally, the other husbands may wish to join you in the action, because POSOM has been committing multiple fraud, along with intruding on their marriages.

If fraud can be proven, you may have grounds to take out some kind of protective or exclusion order against the guy coming anywhere near your address, because he has been using your address to commit financial fraud. Your lawyer can advise on whether this can be done. If it can, the husbands in the other couples may wish to do the same. It will then become difficult for the care company to employ a guy with multiple exclusion orders against him, and a proven history of fraud.

If you can show that you were not at home at any of the times POSOM claimed he was giving you a care visit, you can nail him. Further, your lawyer can make himself as much of a nuisance ad possible with the care company, via letters asking what steps the company is taking to investigate your claims. If you make such a request as a private individual, it can be brushed under the rug, but a letter from a lawyer, requesting a response, is a different ballgame.

It may be that the company is in breach of its license to operate if it is sending an employee with a record of assault charges to visit peoples' homes on its behalf. You have been compiling evidence about the POSOM, and your lawyer can advise about the best way it can be employed, because it might be possible for the lawyer to send a letter and your dossier containing information about the POSOM's activities to both the company and whatever licensing board allows the company to operate its services. That will turn the POSOM into a liability for the company, and a public relations disaster if it becomes public knowledge that the company has knowingly sent a man like that to peoples' homes.

You said that you confronted his boss about the POSOM's history, but the boss basically ignored it because she was sleeping with him too. Therefore, the company has continued to send him to peoples' homes in full knowledge of what he has been doing. The licensing board is unlikely to be impressed by that.

Your lawyer can advise you if there is the potential to sue the company for its negligence in continuing to send the OM on home visits after you spoke to his boss. The company could face multiple law suits if the hapless husbands in the other couples receiving these 'care' visits choose to take issue with the man that has been sent into their homes and their lives.

If you have other friends who can be supportive, please do reach out to them, and also keep your IC fully aware of the stress you are under, as well as your physician and/or cardiac specialist. It is bad enough to go through the emotional distress of the discovery of infidelity, without it escalating into a risk to your physical well-being.

You are a good man, 36, and you have done absolutely nothing to deserve what is being done to you. As the testimony of thousands of people in this forum proves, you will get through this, and you will get out of infidelity. Just make sure you are protecting yourself every step of the way, and keep your lawyer and your friend the cop informed about every fresh revelation.

[This message edited by M1965 at 8:48 AM, October 16th (Monday)]

36

Bad things happen to good people everyday and they get through cause they have loads of love n support. You have a team of people here on SI that don't even know you they are virtual strangers but they all want to help and care for you. It proves your a good man and deserve way better than what your wife is dishing out. Hold your head high, grab life by the balls and keep pushing forward, you can do it, there are happier days ahead, we are all here and will be for the entire ride. Oh and hang on to your hat man cause I reckon the next week is going to be even more crazy bat shit than it ever has been. 😀

As the events are unfolding it is simply the most vile story I have ever read on this site. The only word that comes to mind is unbelievable. This is the kind of stuff you only see in movies. Please follow M1965 detailed instructions. I don't want to see you on the evening news. Take care 36.

I'm not always an advocate for divorce, but looking at that WW's actions post DDay there is no question in my mind that you will be better off without her in your life.

Please do as others have said and get your keepsakes, change your will and beneficiary, and begin detaching and moving on.

My life was so very much better once the conversations and interactions with my now-ex moved strictly to finances and kids.

To Western specifically: I am doing all I can to expose this posom and the company he uses as his personal flesh hunt and money wheel. Do not assume that I am idly sitting by while this SOB wreaks havoc on people's lives. It is not my nature to do nothing in the face of injustice.

I am going to great expense to gather irrefutable evidence to deliver to the state governing agency that licenses this type of business. I am also hoping for criminal charges. I am a thorough person so this is going to take time. If I move too quickly this will be dismissed as sour grapes.

These bastards will go down but it will be done legally.

To everyone else, my wife should be served by Thursday. I have been recording 90+% of the conversations I've had with her. The screaming, the lies,deflection, blame-shifting and contradictions, I have it all.

I have lots of very bad days, but no good days. Everyday is a struggle, not just because of how she has changed, but also because of how this sh!t is forcing me to change. It's painful for me to switch from protector, provider, and kind-hearted to someone who can no longer be those things. I am who I am not and I hate it.

I appreciate all your concern for me. If I wasn't writing this using my cellphone I'd write more.

Suffice it to say, I didn't ask to be in this miserable situation. It's bad enough having to deal with the affair without also having to concern myself with all the other lives the posom and the glorious Christian company destroying other people's lives. It all sucks.

[This message edited by 36yearsgone at 8:42 AM, October 16th (Monday)]

36, coupled with the other things you've stated here, your WW didn't want you dead or plan to kill you; SHE ALLOWED YOU TO DIED. A pizza boy saved your life!

She is a health care professional, at some level, as you've explained it and that is first thing you do, taught at EVERY CPR class she's had, seek help!

You're right. I hadn't thought of that. She claimed she froze.

36,

I actually admire your resilience and the way you have been handling this. You have had your world turned upside down, and at the start of this thread you were dazed and wondering what had happened, which way was up, and how you were going to be able to cope. You have been subjected to a quite extraordinary series of deceptions, by your wife and the OM, plus others in their office, acting as a team that has enabled that POS to go on the rampage.

It is a situation that goes well beyond the scope of the usual stories told in this forum, and it has been a hell of a thing for you to adjust to, and to begin to combat. You, and other innocent people, have been knowingly and calculatingly victimised here by the callous group of people working for that company, including your wife. That you have taken so much action to gather evidence, with the aim of shutting the whole horrible operation down, is so good and decent that I want to publicly register my thanks and admiration for your actions.

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” ― Edmund Burke

You are doing something, 36, and doing it at a time when you are trying to come to terms with infidelity. That is amazingly resilient of you, and a tribute to your energy and decency. We all like to think we would stand up against crap like this, but you are actually doing it. Kudos to you, 36. If I am ever faced with something similar, I will remember your example and do my best to follow it.

M1965

From what you describe, the POSOM is committing fraud by by being paid for 'care' visits that are not taking place. He may be calling at certain addresses, at certain times, but he is not tending to the named recipients of the care.

Yes, it appears to be fraud and theft by deception.

Therefore, can your lawyer request the details of all the visits the POSOM logged to your address? If you can prove that you were not at home at those times, it follows that POSOM was financially defrauding the company. If your wife was signing any kind of proof to say that the visits had taken place, when you were not there, she is complicit in the fraud. She has admitted to you that she knows about POSOM's fake care visits scam, which is an admission that she has knowingly been an accomplice in the commission of fraud. Your wife does not appear to have realised that just yet, so do not mention it to her. Instead, discuss the fraud situation with your lawyer, in terms of potential legal options open to you to take action against the POSOM and the company that employs him. If you have details of the other couples that you say POSOM is pulling the same scam on, it may be worth contacting the husbands and telling them what you know. The fact that your wife is an accomplice to fraud may provide some leverage for you, which your lawyer can advise you about.

The POSOM never became my caregiver, so I can't get him for that. I am actively seeking to gather as much evidence as possible to legally take the POSOM and the company down.

If you do decide to pursue this angle legally, the other husbands may wish to join you in the action, because POSOM has been committing multiple fraud, along with intruding on their marriages.

If fraud can be proven, you may have grounds to take out some kind of protective or exclusion order against the guy coming anywhere near your address, because he has been using your address to commit financial fraud. Your lawyer can advise on whether this can be done. If it can, the husbands in the other couples may wish to do the same. It will then become difficult for the care company to employ a guy with multiple exclusion orders against him, and a proven history of fraud.

Believe me there is going to come a time in the not so distant future where this is going to hit the media and EVERYTHING will be exposed.

It may be that the company is in breach of its license to operate if it is sending an employee with a record of assault charges to visit peoples' homes on its behalf. You have been compiling evidence about the POSOM, and your lawyer can advise about the best way it can be employed, because it might be possible for the lawyer to send a letter and your dossier containing information about the POSOM's activities to both the company and whatever licensing board allows the company to operate its services. That will turn the POSOM into a liability for the company, and a public relations disaster if it becomes public knowledge that the company has knowingly sent a man like that to peoples' homes.

Agreed. This is currently being examined.

You said that you confronted his boss about the POSOM's history, but the boss basically ignored it because she was sleeping with him too. Therefore, the company has continued to send him to peoples' homes in full knowledge of what he has been doing. The licensing board is unlikely to be impressed by that.

This is true. The POSB (piece if shit boss) has done absolutely nothing other than going to the police to ask them to keep me off the property. The police told her to take a hike. It's like Harvey Weinstein is running this operation.

Your lawyer can advise you if there is the potential to sue the company for its negligence in continuing to send the OM on home visits after you spoke to his boss. The company could face multiple law suits if the hapless husbands in the other couples receiving these 'care' visits choose to take issue with the man that has been sent into their homes and their lives.

That's part of the plan.

As the events are unfolding it is simply the most vile story I have ever read on this site. The only word that comes to mind is unbelievable. This is the kind of stuff you only see in movies. Please follow M1965 detailed instructions. I don't want to see you on the evening news. Take care 36.

This is not a movie I want to be in.

tiredofcrying59

At the very least, please please tell your cop friend all this stuff she has been saying and doing with regard to your health. Try to change your beneficiary/will.

Done and being done.

You really need to stay the hell away from her and POSOM, but at the very least please make someone aware of all this so she doesn't get away with it if something happens to you. I know you are hurt, but you also need to be angry and cautious.

Everything has been and is being documented. I am angry and trying to be cautious.

Please take care of yourself.

Thank you. I am trying.

TimeLessLoss

Did this exchange with her come about because of you questioning her? What put the two of you together and how did the conversation evolve t. this revelation? Did this happen yesterday, or did you learn this closer to Dday?

I still have things I am removing from the residence. Difficult to avoid conversation. She began talking to me and started volunteering information. This happened Saturday.

You understand the 180 and NC intellectually. Their strategic and tactical use. And the emotional purpose of each. But they're the hardest damn thing to apply on a consistent basis when you are emotional vulnerable. So the very thing that can help you the most in overcoming your vulnerability, is exceedingly difficult

do when you are...well... emotionally vulnerable.

Yes, I am emotionally vulnerable an that seems to screw up my logical side.

Does the advice you are getting here about detachment match up with anything you are discussing in IC? Or is the advice working at cross purposes?

The advice is close.

180 and NC is all about putting yourself first. Above all things. The betrayal was all about your W's selfishness and entitlement. That continues post Dday. She treated you like shit. Continues to do so. But that is not your value. Quite the opposite. Flip this on it's head. What do the people you respect and admire think about you? Do you trust the judgement of those that respect and admire you? Or are they wrong? If they knew of your W's betrayal would they rally to you? Or her?

I am working on the 180.

The POSB (piece if shit boss) has done absolutely nothing other than going to the police to ask them to keep me off the property. The police told her to take a hike. It's like Harvey Weinstein is running this operation.

That is quite incredible. When the storm breaks, how is the boss going to look when it is revealed that she took action against the whistle-blower and did nothing to rein in the POSOM? And she cannot even deny it, because there will be the police records of her contact with them. The term 'discredited' does not even begin to describe what her status will be, and it is highly unlikely that she will ever work in a care-providing company again.

Good idea about involving the media; this scandal deserves as much exposure as possible.

You really are managing this very well, and I am sure you are keeping your cards close to your chest, but I hope you are keeping this forum very much out of your wife's awareness. She made that comment about 'those people' not knowing her heart, and hopefully she does not know where 'those people' are on the internet, which is just as it should be. The last thing you need is her coming on here and reading this thread, so please do keep your phone and laptop safely away from her, so she cannot check your browsing history. You work in cyber security, so you probably know way more about all that than I do, but I can't help mentioning it here, just to be safe.

M1965

That is quite incredible. When the storm breaks, how is the boss going to look when it is revealed that she took action against the whistle-blower and did nothing to rein in the POSOM? And she cannot even deny it, because there will be the police records of her contact with them. The term 'discredited' does not even begin to describe what her status will be, and it is highly unlikely that she will ever work in a care-providing company again.

The word incredible is not big enough to describe this monstrosity.

Good idea about involving the media; this scandal deserves as much exposure as possible.

Let's just hope that when the time comes the media will actually do its job.

You really are managing this very well, and I am sure you are keeping your cards close to your chest, but I hope you are keeping this forum very much out of your wife's awareness. She made that comment about 'those people' not knowing her heart, and hopefully she does not know where 'those people' are on the internet, which is just as it should be. The last thing you need is her coming on here and reading this thread, so please do keep your phone and laptop safely away from her, so she cannot check your browsing history. You work in cyber security, so you probably know way more about all that than I do, but I can't help mentioning it here, just to be safe.

I am keeping this close to the vest.

I'm just astounded this is a Christian organization. Damn!

I'm just astounded this is a Christian organization. Damn!

Why? They are sticking with the "love one another" concept. <sarcasm off>

does the other husbands whose wives work for the country and /or the caregiver people know what is going on yet ?

You seem to be doing much better today. As you said, this is like Harvey Weinstein's business

does the other husbands whose wives work for the country and /or the caregiver people know what is going on yet ?

Some do, most don't.

You seem to be doing much better today. As you said, this is like Harvey Weinstein's business

Today my broken heart has been replaced with anger and determination. I don't know how long it will last.

I have lots of very bad days, but no good days. Everyday is a struggle, not just because of how she has changed, but also because of how this sh!t is forcing me to change. It's painful for me to switch from protector, provider, and kind-hearted to someone who can no longer be those things. I am who I am not and I hate it.

Look, you're not really changing who you are. At your core, you are still a fine, caring, upstanding man. You are simply CHOOSING not to share those qualities with her, as she chose to share her nether regions with someone else. Yes, I know it's hard to have to think about how you respond to a long-term partner and responding in a way that doesn't feel "right." But as you are starting to see, it's imperative that you are NC with her as much as possible.

Look at it this way--she basically fired you from the job of being kind and caring and nurturing and loving. Right?

Some day, you will be sharing your fine self with an equally fine woman and be able to know the joy of really having a relationship of equals where YOU MATTER TO HER just as much as SHE MATTERS TO YOU.

"I'm sorry, I'm not discussing that with you right now," works now and every time she tries to entrap you into talking to her. Right now, there's really nothing to discuss, and if there is, it can be done via your attorney.

Suffice it to say, I didn't ask to be in this miserable situation.

No one does. It is an enormous shit sandwich, and we're forced to eat it. But the good news is that we can (and often do!) become better people for it.

It's bad enough having to deal with the affair without also having to concern myself with all the other lives the posom and the glorious Christian company destroying other people's lives. It all sucks.

Yep. Sucktastic it is. I certainly hope you can bring this company's unethical and fraudulent activities to light.

You really are doing well. You've come quite a ways, and you seem to be firmly on the right path. Hang in there.

Cat

Have you gone "up the ladder" of this Christian organization to expose this guy?