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That's the kicker- she has nowhere to go. She can't afford an apartment, no friends to stay with, and family she doesn't want to live with in WV. She actually wants to stay here in this house even after the D! Not happening. Go to him or a bridge or overpass

I support all that you're doing 'Gw5263'. Now the final literal kicking her and her shit out the door is in order. She's resolved to go her way and I'm hoping that you keep your resolve to kick her to the curb. Take care of yourself and the kids.

GW - I'm sorry you're putting up with this shit.

You've been getting good advice and you're taking action. To my way of thinking, taking action is the best thing you can do. Too many BS's sit and stew and pine and hope against hope that their spouse will come back to them.

The reason I posted though is that I agree with you *and* Bigger.

First off Bigger. He's right in that the most important thing you can do now is think strategically. Be like Spock. Get the emotion out of it. Your wife is gone. She may come back, you may accept that, etc. But you can't think like that. Assume she means what she says. She's gone. What do you want to happen? Where do you want to be in one year, in five? I would want custody of my children and my house and my job. And I would want my cheating wife out of the house as soon as possible. She is a poison to you, your children, your family. She's got to go. She's a traitor. So... most important, think strategically. Ultimately life is a game of chess. It's not poker. If you play it like poker, you're going to be unhappy.

Now you. I agree with you. Fuck the OM. I would absolutely do what I could to hurt him. He actively and eagerly sought the destruction of your family. Report him. And you don't even have to do it for yourself. You can do it for your children. He destroyed their family. But then forget him. don't worry about what happened. Move on. Take care of you and those you love. Your ex and the POSOM are insignificant.

good luck friend. I look forward to hearing how your life is going great and how the Karma bus hit the OM.

Does she have a job? Maybe you need to explain she can't stay in the house because that really gonna cramp your dating game.

How is it going to look living with a woman your aren't married to? You have your reputation to think of.

She has a problem because you have to support the children, not her. That's her new love soulmate's job now. It's time she takes the plane ticket and they will just have to figure it out when they she gets there. You can do the divorce by mail through the attorneys.

Can you get a legal separation order? Can she be forced to move out? Have you separated the any bank accounts? Are you required to give her any money?

Can you take the kids and move out temporarily? Leave her there long enough for the utilities to be cut off.

I'm not sure how the divorce stuff works when one won't leave.

Are you fully invested in the 180?

No doing her laundry. No cooking for her. Do not clean up after her. Conversations need to be limited to children and finances only. Do not engage her. Find something for you and the kids to do as a family without her. Find something that you like to do just for yourself. Just a weird random thought, you are not paying for her phone or internet access are you?

As for the OM, unless NCIS needs that last bit of information proving sex, do not waste your time. Take your kids swimming at the rec center. Go fishing. Go to a state park. Enjoy your time with them.

Strength

The biggest hurdle is the kids. Here , unless there is abuse, it's 50/50 until the divorce and there is no guarantee I'll get full custody in the divorce . My daughter is legally old enough to decide who she wants to be with. The judge here in my county does not give any quarter to adulterers, male or female. WW told me a week or two ago $500 a month was good for child support. She only makes $800 a month at the school board so that would supplement her nicely. As far as she goes, until I can get her out she is going to pay half of all household expenses, her own phone, and her own food. I'm not supporting her or her life choices. She has a soulmate for that now. Let him pony up cash every week to her. Sure he'll be sick of that after a few weeks. I don't have to do anything tonthem for them to implode. They have no physical contact and a relationship cannot be sustained by SIRI. My son has a robot we built together last year, I told her get that and put it in bed with you and put your phone on its face. That's as close as you can get to OM. They are in a see each other every three months pattern. Trust will start to erode. Me moving back in already caused them issues. And the stress I have them both under will too. Matter of time. Meanwhile me and the kids move forward

How on earth will she be able to survive on $1300/month and support 2 kids?

[This message edited by scorpio6 at 11:01 AM, September 11th (Monday)]

Cost of living her is lower. Apartments go for about 400 and trailers about 350

What she wants and what she asks for is totally irrelevant unless its supported by some reasoning.

Like is there any reason she doesn’t make more than 800? Your kids are relatively old and don’t need a SAHM full-time. Plus I guess you are paying costs like health and school and such.

There are great online calculators that can give you a clearer picture of what to expect for child-support.

Stay away from the immature and ineffective your-lover-is-a-robot stuff. There is no profit whatsoever in it for you. How she’s going to manage once divorced is of no concern to you.

Stay focused and keep the momentum of ending infidelity going.

[This message edited by Bigger at 11:14 AM, September 11th (Monday)]

Gw,

That bankruptcy piece was a big one. Now you can move on planning out the D. This is where your attorney becomes so important. You live in a no fault state, but you said some judges do in fact consider adultery in making decisions where they do have discretion.

Your attorney can give you possible outcomes for various scenarios.

The ideal scenario is for you to have full custody with possession of the house. Is that a realistic outcome in your attorney's mind? Even w/ the most favorable judge? Can you afford the house on your own?

Is 50/50 custody with possession of the house going to you realistic and acceptable? That would mean no CS payments.

What would you give up to get what you need for custody and the house? Do you have a pension plan?

What would the business of the D look like if you sold the house? Can you afford another place for you and the kids? Is there any equity in the house? Giving her equity, even more that 50/50?

Would paying alimony be part of the D? Or would a favorable judge have discretion to adjust that.

She won't have a lawyer, you will. Will the court require you to pay for her attorney?

The worst case scenario is that you would pay CS and alimony, financing her lifestyle. Does your attorney think that is a possible outcome?

Her soulmate will distract her from the D. As his career goes down the shitter she will becomes more distracted, more delusional.

The D *will* get you out of living w/her. 100% certainty. Assume you'll end up with no less than 50/50 custody. She works. You work. Assets are cars and house. Maybe pension. Figure out what the total pie is worth and then start looking at the ways the pie can be carved up to get you what you need. Your attorney guides you as to what s/he can get for you.

Keep tuned up on the 180. It takes practice. But your a quick study. The more you see it work, the better you'll get at it. It allows you to detach from her. And her craziness.

Great job with the kids BTW.

She only makes $800 because the school system has it set up to pay over the summer months so thenpay is stretched. That way they revive a check every two weeks even during summer break. And the robot dog was to illustrate what her relationship consists of right now, that's all. I intended no effect. I cover all the health insurance and things of that nature for the kids. Kentucky official child support calculator puts me at $700 before any offsets such as insurance, house payments , etc. in a 50/50 situation I pay nothing. I support them when they are with me and she will attempt to support them when they are with her. Due to infidelity on her part she will not be awarded maintenance or alimony

Stay away from the immature and ineffective your-lover-is-a-robot stuff. There is no profit whatsoever in it for you. How she’s going to manage once divorced is of no concern to you.

Stay focused and keep the momentum of ending infidelity going.

I have to say I'm getting concerned with this also. I know you like the idea of giving her and OM ulcers but it's causing you to lose your focus and give them ammunition...it's making you the bad guy, and pulling their LOVE together. You've got to get your focus back.

Think of some fun things that just you and the kids can do together. Focus on being good to them and not on making the house a misriable place to be. Yes, they will be mad at Mom for finding a boyfriend but they will be mad at you for treating her poorly, for saying rude things to their Mom (regardless of if she deserves it). Get that focus off of your WW and the OM and back on you and the kids. I know the mean comments make you feel good but... they are hurting you in the long run.

Absolutely no more contact with OM.

Keep in mind that with the kids at the age they are, the financial restraints of the bankruptcy, the assumption that the house is under (hence the bankruptcy) then take care not to hang onto possessions. Maybe this is the ideal time to dump the house and its memories of her and its financial commitments and start afresh.

Think out of the box. Time spent thinking of your future and solutions that benefit YOU is time better spent than time spent fantasizing revenge.

She only makes $800 because the school system has it set up to pay over the summer months so thenpay is stretched. That way they revive a check every two weeks even during summer break. And the robot dog was to illustrate what her relationship consists of right now, that's all. I intended no effect. I cover all the health insurance and things of that nature for the kids. Kentucky official child support calculator puts me at $700 before any offsets such as insurance, house payments , etc. in a 50/50 situation I pay nothing. I support them when they are with me and she will attempt to support them when they are with her. Due to infidelity on her part she will not be awarded maintenance or alimony.

Do you have to pay child support if you have 50% custody?

The house has $70K in equity and she wants no part of the house. She agreed to sign a quit claim deed. I can afford to keep the house with my pay. She has no real plan formulated. I guess first and foremost in her mind is her soulmate. She won't go live with him without the kids, which I won't allow because here I have to agree to it. As far as alimony he'll mo. And I'll not pay for her lawyer, this bitch has cost me enough as it is

I can afford to keep the house with my pay.

Then keep the house because it will matter to the kids and it will strengthen your custody case.

I'm not making the house a miserable place. I've stopped texting him. And I'm not selling this house. I loved when we first saw it. It's on 5 acres in the woods and you can walk down to the lake from my porch. I will readily admit I have been on a revenge bender. Can't help it but I can get it under control. Even though I've come this far my thoughts sometimes seem like a whirlwind of things. I sawhim suffering everyday wonder is today the day and fantasized he'd dump her over the pressure I imagined I'd put on him. I realize it's unhealthy and unrealistic. It happened and I can't get it back. I can just press on. The last thing I want to do is feed thier fantasy love, unless it's I want it to die. This whole thing is one giant unhealthy fucking nightmare . Can't wait to wake up. I have so much on my shoulders and no one to take a turn packing it. Sometimes the pressure is too much and I drift. I apologize

If you have 70K in the house then why the bankruptcy? Keep in mind it won’t affect IRS debt. That will stay with you. Seriously consider selling the house to settle joint marital debt while retaining your credit. You can always rebuild and create a new home in a new place but the bankruptcy will affect you for years to come and the debtors might take your house anyway.

GW,

You have the basics down pat--the financials, the divorce, the house.

I agree with you: Go after that son-of-bitch with a vengeance.

This time Navy boy fucked with the wrong person.

He destroyed your family with impunity.