Cooley2here ( member #62939) posted at 4:51 PM on Friday, October 30th, 2026
I often seek out a therapist I know to get information about some of this egregious behavior that I see on this site. It is isn’t that I compare one to the other, but some seem to not make any sense. Your wife does not make any sense to me at all. Anyway, she said that almost all of these people have lost or been robbed of the ability to emotionally mature. They can drive a car, go to graduate school, balance a budget but they cannot stop themselves from acting out as a child. When I look at some of the behaviors that are written on this site, I see adults who act like three-year-olds. If they want it, when they see it, they take it. They don’t measure the consequences or the pain they cause. That’s children. I don’t know what impeded it but it’s sure sounds like that’s what your wife is dealing with. The problem is you, as a rational adult, keep thinking you’re talking to another rational adult. Well, you are not. Her behavior is that of a child. You need to get a drone’s view of her overall life and you’ll probably see that that’s how she’s managed her life for as long as you’ve known her.
You can’t fix this and you certainly can’t change it. What you can do is protect yourself. I’m sorry this has happened to you, but you’ve got plenty of time ahead and you need to start making some real good solid decisions that you can live with. Stop trying to get her to love you. I don’t think she has the ability to love as adults do. Whatever she wants is what she goes after. It’s all new and sparkly. The day-to-day responsibilities are not fun for these people. They are addicted to the adrenaline that they get from sneaking around or whatever the heck she’s doing these days. You’re a grown-up you don’t act like that. She’s not and she does.
When things go wrong, don’t go with them. Elvis
SilentBulwark (original poster new member #87875) posted at 5:13 PM on Friday, October 30th, 2026
re: Cooley2Here
I'm not trying to get her to love me. I'm trying to get her to leave.
She is immature. That's not even a question. Honestly weird too because she seemed mature for years, then regressed hard. So just hid it well, I guess. I have zero interest in reconciliation. I just want her gone with minimal destruction to the kids lives. A herculean task, I know.
re: Bigger
Thanks for the heads up re: the mortgage.
We have a plan in place for how to deal with that as she is a co-signer and needs removed.
It's part of the separation plan, per our mediation agreement and the proposal from my lawyer.
The goal is me primary custody w/ kids and house so they don't lose familiarity with the life they know.
Ironically Missouri being a 50/50 state works against me here.
Go figure.
This is why I say going nuclear is actually the problem. If I can get her agreement on custody by playing some ball, it makes things significantly less legally painful. Again, per my lawyer.
So it's sheisty and not fun, but I'm putting up with it as best as I can given the situation. Regardless, I'm holding her to a firm move out within a month and a half or I will have no choice but to just move forward without her cooperation.
