Introduction (to my circus)

I’m a mid-40s father of three, ending a marriage of nearly 20 years after repeated emotional and sexual betrayals. We have been functionally separated under the same roof for a while, which has made healing extremely difficult.

We have agreed to dissolve the marriage, but progress toward separate households has been painfully slow. I expect to remain the children’s primary day-to-day caretaker and keep them in the family home. I understand that preserving that stability is valuable—and probably a gift in the long run—but under these circumstances, it certainly doesn’t feel like I’ve won anything.

My wife is currently overseas visiting the man she considers her boyfriend. I’m home caring for the children and confronting, in real time, how badly I need firm physical separation when she returns.

Honestly, even writing this much is difficult. I read the stories people share here, and it’s hard to imagine sitting down and explaining to strangers just how broken your life has become. I admire those who can speak about it so openly. I’m not ready to tell the complete story yet—and I’m not entirely sure what I’m looking for beyond grounded conversation with people who understand this kind of pain without making betrayal their entire identity.

I endured repeated boundary-pushing for most of our marriage, but everything came to a head over the last three years. I did the work to try to repair what we had, but you cannot negotiate desire or interest. She had neither, but also would not leave. So we remained trapped in this prolonged, deeply unhealthy limbo.

I’m in a lot of pain this morning. It has been a difficult journey just reaching this point. Having to put her on FaceTime with our children while knowing she is there with someone else—while I am still technically her husband and still carrying the family responsibilities—fills me with anger and disgust.

So, here I am. I suppose I’m hoping to find a few people who understand.

1 comment posted: Thursday, October 15th, 2026