SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Have not seen it mentioned so here goes. You may want to discuss with your L a provision that does not allow her to move the kids out of state. Pretty sure that is possible. Hope all went OK with them tonight.

So I found out she's been quietly telling some people about this this week. I think it's time to really blow it up with a mass text or email right before we tell the kids tonight. I didn't last night because I only got an hours sleep after a 16 hour shift and I fell asleep. I plan on doing it this morning or afternoon. I have the mass message prepared, and was going send it just before telling the kids. She will have the shock of telling them andnthen the mass message

Or should it be a Facebook post for better coverage?

I need to get ahead before she sets the narrative with her lies

I think the best way to tell people is personally. Email or facebook messages are fine but do it individually. I've seen BS do the tell everyone on facebook thing on my own news feed and as much as I feel for them they always came off as looking pathetic to me blasting their business for the world to see in that manner. It almost comes off like whining and attention seeking. The BS doesn't come off looking very mature, dignified, and less sympathetic. Again that's just how I personally viewed it after witnessing it twice now.

And what's going on with the exposing to his superior officers or whatever the term is? Has that gone anywhere?

[This message edited by JS84 at 4:52 AM, September 9th (Saturday)]

IMO, letting other know is not a matter of how to do it but the message.

I think the best way to do it, face to face, email or fb, is explaining the situation, very business like, and then the motivation of tell everybody, and this is the important part as you WW is going to use it to prove how you are such an ass and for things like this she is leaving you.

You can explain that exposing her affair is for asking for support for your family, support for your kids. This way your WW can't say you exposed as a prove of what an abusive H you are and justify her doings.

Regarding the affair, explain the little but straight to the facts, no much detail.

Something like:

In FB

WW and I are getting D due to WW infidelity. WW has a boyfriend since... to this days and plans to keep seeing him, so I have no other choice than getting D. I am asking for your support to my family, what is left of it, in this difficult moments and the ones to come. This is very hard as I was blind of her doings and kids and I are devastated.

That's the main idea. Sorry English is not my first language.

I would avoid Facebook like the plague for this type of thing. It comes off as bitter.

If you call or text people it's more mature, you control the narrative and you get people to vet you (ask questions etc). This is how you win allies to the situation.

I am doing individual messages short and sweet. No broadcast. I thought about it and reached the same conclusion. It seems like a pity party if you do it and weakens your argument. Individual is better even though it takes more time. Tell one and they tell the rest

Let her know after the conversation with the kids that you've already exposed OM as well

Keep your eye on the prize GW.

Might be projecting a bit here, but as I see it these are your priorities in order of importance if you are thinking long term:

1. Keep your kids local so you aren't a "weekend custody only dad"

2. Have the kid's know that the breakup of their parents' marriage was a) not their fault, b) not your fault, and c) 100% their mother's fault

3). Get at least as much of the marital resources as you are legally entitled.

4) Let others know the real story rather than her false narrative.

5) squeeze OM's balls to jelly.

Now, this is the way I see it:

You have already accomplished #5 (assuming followups).

Number 4 can be accomplished at any time. All it will take is display of the physical evidence with dates that you already possess. Letting her lie to them first will only add icing to the cake when they get your evidence .

Number 2... others here have suggested that you simply tell them that mom has a boyfriend and doesn't want to work on the marriage anymore."

Now, number 3... Getting more than the 50% means having the the final decree approved by a judge while she still has the crazy fantasy hope with OM alive. Trust me that won't last long once the truth is out and the military takes action. (and she hates you forever ). Even worse, if/when she wants to "work it out" with you. So.... GET 'ER DONE.

Number 1... I assume you have covered this with your attorney, correct? Right? Also the points covered above under #3 apply here.

What I am advising is to move as fast as possible on D, and to recognize that keeping her bubble going as long as possible is to your advantage. If you were trying to R then completely different actions would be desirable.

Just my two cents based on my experience which worked well for me. You are doing GREAT!

Brace yourself! She is bound to lose control and lash out at you. You will be blamed and vilified. Just watch her rewrite the marital history. VAR on You every moment of the day please.

Ok, kids have been told. They took it ok. I kept it simple. Mom and I had problems that she didn't want to fix and mom found OM. She now loves him and not me and does not want to stay married to me, she wants to be with him. It's not your fault and we love you both. Moms trip was to play hoise and see if she liked him not training.

She about choked and began croc tears.

Then I told her I had mailed handwritten letter to her friend she had master manipulated,OM mom and dad, and a couple of other people

She got pissed and said it was vindictive and how would I like it.

Then she said if I turned him in she'd hate me forever and never talk to me again. I said you hate me now so what's the difference. Told her I was buying her a ticket Wednesday to fly to him because if she's gonna be with him go be with him. Said no because she's not gonna leave the kids

Then she told me it's cruel to take his career because he worked hard to build it. I laughed and said he can go to Walmart and get a job , they need greeters. What's cruel is him destroying my family I had worked hard to build. Hard to get another. Also the threat again about turning me in for getting texts.... told her to go ahead and do it

AND , she said that they can't take the stress of worrying constantly about me turning him in. He has an ulcer now from worrying if everyday is it and she can't take it. They are so concerned that they set it up for OM brother to contact my WW if the military officially moves on him and either places him in custody or hits him with NC. She said the stress is cruel of me to do.

I absolutely loved the last part!!!!!!

Great job on how you handled this, GW! High fives and bro hugs! It's amazing the shit that comes out of a WS's mouth. You meaney! Why didn't think about poor OM? LOL!!!

Still, keep a VAR on you and don't let your guard down. You never know how vindictive she'll be when she finds out you actually did contact the chain of command.

I am in awe of your strength through this. You are doing the right things.

Please continue to focus on you and her kids.

Do not regret one bit turning him in. He is a piece of shit in every sense of the phrase.

I wish he'd get what's coming to him soon.

Perhaps follow the path thru your congressman and the congressman where the army base is as some here have suggested since he has revealed dangerous secrets. Tell him/her that these things you have in evidence present a danger to public safety.

Take care of yourself and complete the D as soon as possible. She will never be worth it.

Stevensn,

Funny you brought that up. I contacted the office of my district congressman via email this am! A friend of mine is in the army's version of NCIS and said to do that and request a congressional inquiry because it forces the navy's hand. Man, she's gonna hate me forever, oh, wait, she hates me now.

Good on informing your children in the gentle and truthful way that you did.

It's hilarious actually, that WW and OM expected you to roll over and not report his conduct to his command! She's got baseball sized lady nuts, to threaten you with hatred after all the shit she's put you through since choosing the OM.

You can't get her out of you home and life quick enough! Stay strong, and keep making the decisive moves that you have been. She will always be the mother of your children, but she's the OM's problem now.

She still has no plans to move to Georgia to be with him. She said it would be 2-3 years. I don't get it. After early on I told her to end it she refused because she wants to be with him. I told her go be with him, even offered to buy the plane ticket and she said no. He's staying there and she's staying here.They are just going to have a phone relationship, with visits every so often. She threw her family away for an I phone. He isn't going to wait that long, I'll be amazed if it lasts 3 more months with no physical contact. He has got to have a woman or two down there. I couldn't hold out that long.

Friend Gw5263:

just a few questions

1- Ww was truthful with his children?

2- Do I show any remorse?

3- What was the reaction of your children?

Greetings and be strong do not have contemplations with OM

I love how you didn't tip your hand about exposure. The greatest fear is the unknown. Keep the bastards guessing.

It'll help them avoid talking about how you are going to strategically get the most advantageous divorce position. An amazing advantage!

She still has no plans to move to Georgia to be with him. She said it would be 2-3 years.

It sounds that WW never really thought any of this through. It would seem that she so desperately want out of the M, that she hopes the the OM will rescue her. OM is probably not going to put forth that much effort, as he's getting what he wants from her and then sends her home. Does she really expect that you will allow her to live in the same home with you for another 2-3 years, while she maintains a relationship with the OM??

In your State, if you get 50/50 custody of the children, she can't move them out of State without your approval. Has she or the OM even considered these residency limitations?