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Great work Gw5263 you have handled this beautifully.

Gw! My wife just asked me why I'm laughing and have a big smile on my face. It's because I'm reading your post! God damn!!! Dude!! Like a boss! Some of us regular SI folks get emotionally and personally involved and connected in specific stories here. Yours is such a story, and just to let you know you are not alone in this. You have more coaches and trainers here than the Dallas Cowboys to help and support you.

Does she really expect that you will allow her to live in the same home with you for another 2-3 years, while she maintains a relationship with the OM??

Let the game begin, and you just ran the opening kickoff back for a touchdown.

How to get her out? You could tell her you have the lawyer "making arrangements" but it would be much easier if she took the ticket.Can you imagine the look on the OM's face if she showed at his front door. Especially if he has been notified shitstorm is pending.

She is looking for options right now. You gave her one, she needs more, but staying with you cannot be one of them. So what is she thinking? Stay a few steps ahead of her. Her primary plan is talk you into letting her stay, plan b is to actually go to OM, which is think is highly unlikely. What are her plan C & D?

Check in with kids to see if they have questions like every day or so. They will, but you need to open that conversation because it is difficult for a child.

Gw, you have been amazing.

[This message edited by twisted at 5:49 PM, September 9th (Saturday)]

[This message edited by Marriagesucks at 6:08 PM, September 9th (Saturday)]

i guess its the plan tonwait till they both hit 18, then move on. That's another 5 for the youngest. I have no idea what the hell the thought process is. She refuses to break up with him, will not move 1000 miles away to him, but wants to be with him. She doesn't care that she's destroying the family and the kids with this lunacy.

As I said I offered a plane ticket, and she refused because she said it would be desertion of the kids. I said you deserted them when you went and played hoise for a week. You not only cheated on me but then as well.

I also said she had no idea the damage her actions were doing. She could care less.

She did say that the week with him was actually planned to be just like they were a couple living together to see how it felt. He went to work everyday and she stayed at the house playing holly homemaker. WTF is that?

Itbtold her that not moving in with him and not breaking up with him, having a LDR over the phone earlybwas pathetic. She said well I guess I'm pathetic. And I whole heartedly agreed with her.

I have never heard such shit. Usually someone leaves you TO BE WITH some one else , not over a damn phone.

As for the kids, my son can't stand her actions and is angry as hell and my daughter has been in her room all day saying she is sick. I hope the iPhone love is worth it.

She almost acts like she's in a MLC from what I've read on it.

None of this seems to phase her at all. I don't get it. I told her one last time to drop him and get help and she refuses so fuck her . You made your bed now lie in it bitch.

As mentioned earlier, say nothing about your discussions with the Navy.

NOTHING, even when the heat comes down.

Let the love birds sweat.

They know you've got om's ass in a sling.

I agree with twisted: you have more coaches than the Dallas Cowboys.

Continue kicking ass and taking names.

OM hurt you AND your kids; blow his fucking world up.

[This message edited by MidnightRun at 6:34 PM, September 9th (Saturday)]

And she is steadfastly holding the we didn't have sex line. Bullshit. You cannot tell me that she feels this strongly without a physical connection. She said one reason she won't move in with him is because we are married still. Didn't stop you from fucking him now did it

As soon as the heat does come down, which should be by the end of the week, she will loose her mind. That's when she'll be dangerous.

And she is steadfastly holding the we didn't have sex line.

She's attempting retroactive damage control. WW is trying to sanitize the stink of her and OM's A, for the benefit of OM's career. I doubt she cares enough about you or her children, to make it appear that she's innocent of a PA. So it has to be for the benefit of the OM.

It is time for you to implement a hard 180, now that you know her true intentions, it is time to begin detaching, and putting full effort into getting her out of your home and life. Be there for your children, and only deal with her as it relates to their needs.

You cannot tell me that she feels this strongly without a physical connection.

Even more revealing, what OM would risk his career for just some "coffee talk"?

You're handling this like a pro! One thing I would recommend is to stop telling her what you've done or what you plan on doing in regards to the divorce, exposure, etc or any actions along those lines. Let her find out the consequences on her own. The most effective consequences are the ones you don't see coming. She doesn't need a heads up. And it sounds like she has a lot of them headed her way.

[This message edited by JS84 at 8:15 PM, September 9th (Saturday)]

Last puzzle piece in place- finally got an admission of sex..... recorded- lol

She forgets that I have spent 21 years in law enforcement, 9 as a gang investigator. I know the tricks. Just needed my head clear to operate

And also an admission that both she and OM are becoming physically ill due to stress over exposure

I'm glad the final puzzle piece finally dropped. But, you already well knew it.

I am also going to recommend you let absolutely no one know you have contacted Navy. Your ww is definitely in retroactive ass covering mode. UCMJ doesn't have a lot of wiggle room, but the lack of sex might have given just a tiny bit.

For a guy with his clearances and to have put so much work into his career to be dumb enough to risk all of that for a little side piece? You are doing all of us a favor. He is definitely a security risk.

Strength

I knew the UCMJ was weak on adultery so I pursued the clearance avenue as well. It is clear cut- affairs terminate clearance- no clearance no career during or after active duty. The adultery can then be used a a secondary offense successfully. Since the Obama era it was downgraded and was only successful if secondary or prejudicial to good order. I studied up a lot before I put the packet together. His clearancewas the key to it all. He has plans on a contractor job with Boeing or Lockheed Martin. No clearance no job

He has plans on a contractor job with Boeing or Lockheed Martin. No clearance no job

Bam!

It sucks to be OM. It's the price he pays for sticking his d*** into someone else's M. Though your WW is equally deserving.

GW, your story exemplifies what real consequences should look like, as you battle your way out of infidelity. Good job on catching the admission by WW on your VAR.

You are my hero

I knew the UCMJ was weak on adultery so I pursued the clearance avenue as well. It is clear cut- affairs terminate clearance- no clearance no career during or after active duty.

Yep.

So, looking into the cheaters handbook a few chapters ahead, what are your plans when the OM dumps her and all of her talk of hating you forever turns into she made the worst mistake of her life?

It is not guaranteed that it is going to happen. But the odds heavily favor it. Even if he does not dump her, she's going to look at the prospects of a guy being the greeter at Walmart as her main provider.

But, maybe it is true love?

I am more worried about you. Have you started looking down the road yet?

Strength

Last puzzle piece in place- finally got an admission of sex..... recorded- lol

Perfect evidence for the judge in your D. You said judges in your jurisdiction do consider infidelity as a factor even though you are in a no fault state.

I'm convinced he coached her to deny there was sex. He knows that no sex=no adultery. He'll lie to the NCIS. Your proof may matter, but they're going to poly him anyway.

Gw, your right, the security clearance is the big ticket item. So he's toast even w/o the adultery. His problems have the potential to be even bigger. He could end up serving time in a Marine Brig. "Heels to toes boys, heels to toes; Make 'em smile boys, make 'em smile"

And your WW is going to be a subject of their investigation. To determine what else he told her other than what is in the emails. Where he took her on base. Did he take her into secure areas? They have to satisfy any concerns that she may have ties to foreign nationals. Shit, eventually they are going to get into their cell phone conversations.

Now, what I really logged on to post.

Just needed my head clear to operate

Get back on the 180 w/her. Yes, listen to her for Recon/Intell/Ops reasons. But use the 180 for interactions w/her. That detachment will clear your head for the next big legal heavy lift coming up.

I'm thinking strategically here. You shouldn't care whether she and the OM get together 4 years out, five years out, never, or when he gets drummed out of the Navy. You're getting a D. What you do need though is to have your house and kids coming out of the D. That's your next goal.

My perfect scenario? You tell her you won't pursue taking action against him if she agrees to your D conditions and moves out of the house while the D is going through. And the OM has to agree not to go after you about the messages you "stole".. She can go live with her Dad. She's thinking only of OM now. Maybe she'll fall for it.

Hi  GW

You are an inspiration!

I have not posted in your thread but followed it from the beginning.

As a relative newbie, I don't have the experience or knowledge of the truly wise elders over here.  Also, I think even though I am in a very good place now, my experience is still so fresh that I might project too strongly, so I stay most active in D/S and restrict posts in JFO to a welcome or encouragement where I can give it.

I will follow new JFO threads and see if there is an opportunity for either of these.  I find that in several, the thread develops to the point where it is clear that the BS is still in the thick of infidelity, and suffering the abuse that it is, but they just stubbornly refuses to do anything to get themselves out of the abuse.   Because of what those do to me, I stay away from them from that point on.

In your case I have been able to stay with you and send supportive thoughts  all the way.

You have all of the good folk  that were my coaching team.  They are the very best.  They have helped you every step of the way , but their advice would have been useless if you did not take the action.

You seem to be nearly at the point of being out of infidelity.

From personal experience I can tell you that when you get there it is as if your world transforms.  Each of our situations are different and I cannot say exactly what your future will be, but for me, I am now happier than I have ever been in my life.   Who could even imagined that, even just 2 months ago!

It would appear that D/S might be a real possibility for you in the near future, if I might suggest, pop across to the D /S forum and peek around.  I found such comfort and support here in JFO that I was hesitant to go anywhere else, but someone over here suggested that the type of support that I would need from here on out is better provided over there.  They were right.

We have a wonderful, supportive band of brothers over there , and  some of the most compassionate and caring women, all with the sense of humour to get us through the Tough days that still come along sometimes.

Stay true to yourself.  Be the safe parent for your kids.

All the best

OhFor