SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I found out via facebook out of all the places. I had suspected something had been going on so had been keeping an eye on her profile. She put they were in a relationship on there. My heart just broke but I still had hope (lol) that nothing had been going on. I confronted him and he confessed they had been seeing each other. I ran upstairs and collapsed. It was 2 days before my dad's funeral, I had a 2 month old with him and was suffering from PND.

He then looked me in the eye and said he wanted to be with her. This was nearly 6 months ago. I haven't been the same since. He packed his things and left whilst I was shaking on the bed, numb. He chased after her for a few weeks then came crawling back to me as she didn't want him after she found out about me. He's in bed now as I type this, I can't sleep as I still have nightmares from it. I have developed PTSD from it all. He slept with her in a hotel the day my dad died, I drove for 4 hours crying inconsolably and broke down in a hotel room as I didn't want to be at home on my own. Not even a text to see if I was ok.

I wrote everything down he's told me, a lot of it doesn't make sense. We argue frequently about it as I have it in my head he would do the same when something else better came along. I've developed an eating disorder and anxiety also. The way I look at myself has completely changed and my confidence has gone.

It's a hard road, no matter how much he's changed I can't forget everything.

[This message edited by hyperactivepineapple at 10:58 PM, Wednesday, October 1st]

"He lives in his mom's basement" has to be one of the most devastating things I've ever heard. I will NEVER get past that.

[This message edited by Shiftkit at 2:54 PM, Friday, October 3rd]

All on d day when I confronted my wife.

"What did you expect me to do?"

"He's a GREAT guy!"

And the coupe de grâce when I asked, "Are you coming home now?"

"No. I'm going to stay here and enjoy my evening."

That last one cut me DEEP and will almost certainly haunt me for the rest of my life. The piece of shit lives with his mom, which is where they were when I went to confront her. I considered going home to get my gun, returning there, and putting a round into that "great guy." In a darker moment, I even thought about using it on myself.

What stopped me? Aside from not wanting to spend my life in prison or die, I couldn’t bear to traumatize my dogs. My dogs. They were hovering over me, laying close, and visibly anxious because they sensed something was wrong. I eventually calmed down and tried to sleep alone in my bed that night, but sleep eluded me. She came home early the next morning, and thus began the arduous journey of painful "pick me" dancing, weak attempts at blame shifting, and trickle truth for the next two weeks. It wasn’t until I came to my senses and regained my composure that I started making appointments with multiple divorce lawyers. This was before I found this site, which I wish I had discovered sooner; I would have avoided the humiliation of the "pick me" dance altogether.

That changed everything almost instantly. I firmly believe in the often-shared advice to avoid playing the "pick me" game, to utilize the "180," and to consider divorce as a viable option. This isn’t about manipulating your wayward spouse; it’s about YOU. Once I accepted that divorce was genuinely a path I was prepared to take, it felt incredibly freeing. Yes, it was sad, depressing, and devastating, but also liberating. It empowered me to know that I could choose this path and follow through with it. Even if she didn’t come around and break free from her fog, I understood I had made the best decision for myself. I took steps to prioritize my well-being and escape the cycle of infidelity, one way or another.

It put me back in the driver's seat and shifted the power dynamic away from her. In our case, it shocked her out of the fog; she realized what a mistake she was about to make and recognized the value of what she was risking. She was trading down and on the verge of losing a man who, despite our many problems, genuinely loved her and had been there for her through thick and thin for the last 27 years. Over the past several months, she’s been trying to convince me not to leave, and while I haven't, she now understands that I’m dead serious about it. Six months later, we’re not out of the woods yet, but I paused divorce proceedings to give her a chance to prove why I should stay. She’s been working hard to do so, and I’ve also made significant changes. Right now, things are going as well as one could hope for in terms of R, but she knows I won’t accept anything less than complete honesty, transparency, and her 100% commitment to repairing the damage she’s caused.

[This message edited by Pogre at 5:34 PM, Saturday, October 4th]

Above all, I think the fact that he could look me in the eye and hold me and say he loved me and then go have sex with somebody else is a devastation that I’ll never forget.

Not sure where to direct you to look up the particulars (on the Internet) - but

Men or "Males" tend (in major proportion) to want females based on basic features and availability - note that I leave out any reference to any intellectual properties.

About the same as using a masturbation doll in my assessment.

Pogre:

She was trading down and on the verge of losing a man who, despite our many problems, genuinely loved her and had been there for her through thick and thin for the last 27 years. Over the past several months, she’s been trying to convince me not to leave,

I'd pursue divorce and maybe (.05%) offer living as roommates with erotic privileges as an aside.

Congrates on not offing yourself and considering that the welfare of you critters mattered the most - at the time.

I would have not been able to do that - but the 44 method also would not be on my to-do list.

oh and the other was "It was only 10 minutes" got to be the stupidest thing my wife ever said. Or the" I didn’t even orgasm". Like that really mattered. Her brain was so delusional that somewhere that was ok. It’s like the guy who told his wife "It was only half in" The brain is so self consumed with survival that it’s saying whatever self preserving shit it can to survive. Couple buddies I grew up with became cops. Shut up and lawyer up. Waywards would be better to think through what they are about to say. But they spent so long listening to thier impulses they just keep making poor judgement calls.

I think they pick the AP the way a person with bulimia picks their binge food. Easy and available and amenable to being used in a gross way.

Mine said he didn’t know how old she was. She was 20. The other two were older (he said he never got their names). He went back to the 20 year old, though. Five times.

To be honest, it doesn’t matter. She’s not the issue. He is.