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DD just gave her statement to the officer with me present. She did good.

The officer explained everything to her.

He also explained that there's victim services and thinks it's good for her to speak with them. We agreed so they will be reaching out to us.

DD is all over the place with her emotions. I'm trying to get her to go to bed because I'm totally exhausted and need to sleep. She needs to rest too. She just took Melatonin so hopefully soon. She ate more today which is good.

Sorry to see what you and your DD are going through. If he gets the help he needs you have saved his life as well as others.

Best wishes to you.

Drgn you have handled this like a pro! You are doing super. I know it may not feel like it right now, but clearly this boy is troubled, and you became the Momma Bear we all know you can be.
Your DD probably has mixed emotions and will continue to about this but in 5 years, she will be thanking you for taking the actions you did.

rambler, I hope this leads to him getting help as well!

The officers first visit to exbf was focused alot on his state of mind and if he was in imminent danger of harming himself. Then they talked about what was said to dd and that he needs to leave her alone. It was going to be just a warning. Then the supervisor reviewed the messages exbf sent dd. The officer took photos of all the messages I saved. In them he specifically stated he said he wanted to kill her. That changed things because under the law he needed to be charged.

Last night the officer made it clear to dd that the decision wasn't hers. Even if she said she didn't want to press charges it was out of her hands, thus not her fault or responsibility. This was a consequence of exbfs choices.

He reassured dd that jail time is unlikely, they will focus more on getting him help, going into a program etc. I think that made her feel better.

Thinking back I realize now the officer wanted to know if dd thought the photo of exbf hand and the knife was a threat against her or a threat of suicide. We both thought suicide, that's why I immediately sent it to his mom. It wasn't a direct question, more subtle like how she felt when she saw it.

He did make it clear to her that putting her into the position of "tell me what you said or else I'll hurt/kill myself" was not an ok thing for him to do.

Tush, thankyou. I told dd that the decision to call the authorities was mine, not hers. I also told her as did the officer thst it was the best choice. Exbf will get the help he needs. I also told her that if I didn't say anything and then something did happen i woukd feel horrible and be responsible for it.

Drove her to school today. She had her BFF meet her. She appears scared to go to school. Exbf wasn't there yesterday but he might be today. I have physio this morning, then need to work on wh van with my brother. I'm still not sure what the school is going to do about the bus or shared classes next semester yet. Exbf can't be within 20 meters I'd her. It's stressing dd out. She asked me after the officer left if she csn even walk past a class he's in or what if they pass in thr hall. I just tokd her to keep walking, ignore him and report any attempts by him to contact her.

As far as bus/classes/activities.... Your daughter should remain in her classes and on her bus. The offender needs to make changes. Fight this, your daughter should not be punished for his actions, he needs new classes and transportation.

Exbf wasn't at school today. DD was ok taking the bus home.

I agree with dd not having to change her schedule or transportation. I'll be working with the police and school to make sure she isn't affected.

That is so much for anyone, let alone a teen. Just remember to still keep an eye out for anything because he may not be able to do those things on paper but that does not necessarily mean he will follow those orders, so please be safe and have plans in motion.

I want him to get help but what is more important that you and your DD have possibly save his life and maybe others including your DD.

If others have stepped up like you have many school shooting in the Us could have been prevented. Tell your DD she has saved her ex for now. It is up to him to accept the help.

Sorry this has happened to you given all that has already so much happened to. My heart goes out to you.

Dd was not happy last night worrying about going on the bus today.

While my brother and I got a new strut installed in wh van, it needs a new sway bar. Technically he can drive it but I prefer he doesn't, so he took my van to work. That would have meant dd had to take the bus but buses have been cancelled due to weather. They will probably be cancelled tomorrow as well.

That gives dd a break from worrying.

deena04

While we can hope this has been enough of a wake up for him and he abides by the conditions he has, I've already discussed with dd what to do if he doesn't. She also was given instructions by the school if anything happens.

I dont know if it's because I'm a mom or what but I have every possible scenario going through my head. And then trying to figure out the best actions to take for each one. It's exhausting.

At least we can breathe easier for the next few days.

Dragn, is there something you can provide your daughter to keep on her at all times in case this kid goes near her? Does she have a phone?

Years ago when I attended night classes I'd have to walk back to my car alone in the dark, I kept this little tool with me on my key chain where I could press a button and a screeching alarm would go off if I felt I was in danger. I think there are apps you can install on your phone to immediately alert parents/law enforcement if she feels threatened.

It's sad that she has to be frightened to go to school.

She does have a phone that she keeps on her. She often texts me while at school.

I'll look into the apps.

This is a terrible situation.

Dd is sick. Even if there's school tomorrow She won't be going.

Hi Drgn, sorry to hear DD is sick. Likely all the stress.

I hope she gets a good rest in today and over the weekend. Stress like this is so draining. For everyone. Sounds like a pj day and nail polish is in order!

Dd is better today. She has a bit of an appetite. It's another snow day so no buses.
She has still spent the day in bed. Not that I blame her but I hope it's because she is sick and not depressed.

I'm going for a nap now cause I am sick.

I'm so sorry about this. What a nightmare.

I'm glad DD spoke up and that it sounds like all the adults involved are taking this seriously.

Thanks MyName!

The weekend has gone well. Dd is doing OK. We will see how the last 4 days if school go before the Christmas break. She's nervous taking the bus. I am hoping he isn't on the bus this week. We will see.

Update

We received the package from victim services. Lots of reading material and a personal alarm for dd to keep on her.

She's been ok over the holiday. The moment I showed her the package she got all uptight and said she didn't want to go back to school. Next week is going to be a challenge.

This not a easy recovery for anyone, but a teen and those hormones gotta be rough.

This is all so very upsetting! I’m just now reading it and I can’t believe you all are having to go through this. 😢

Of course the more that happens… Charges being made, getting real life materials in the mail from the victims support, etc.… All of this will intensify her responses for a while.

But as horrible as you feel for her having to go through this, it seems that she is doing fairly well, considering. Good Lord, to be 14 and have to go through this! And in addition to worrying about her safety, and being put in the situation, she is probably genuinely concerned for him as well. Even after what he has done.

She sounds like a pretty strong and compassionate girl for her age, thanks to you.

Prayers for you all as this thing plays itself out. Sadly, it won’t be something to go away quickly. So glad you’re getting her the help she needs to get through it. But her best help is obviously you.

Regarding your WH’s inappropriate humor about this, I hope you are somehow able to let him know that this is NOT about HIM. That he is obviously hurt/concerned by this, but HIS inability or struggle with dealing with this is secondary to hers. And if his humor is not helpful to her, it needs to stop. No matter if it helps him or not. Sorry… She MUST be the first consideration.

🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Hi DragnHeart I just read this thread. I'm so sad for DD AND I'm also happy that she has a such a great mum having her back. I'm a therapist who specializes with trauma like this situation. I can tell you from experience that DD will be okay because of her age, having good supports, police officers who believed her and took it seriously, etc. That being said feel free to message me if you have any questions or want advice on how to support DD. Sending positive thoughts and prayers for both of you.