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SI Staff ( Moderator #10) posted at 6:54 PM on Friday, November 19th, 2021
Catwoman ( member #1330) posted at 7:07 PM on Friday, November 19th, 2021
He wants me back and is trying everything in his power to get me back and show me he has changed.
No is a complete sentence. Just saying.
He's shown you who he is. Haven't you seen enough?
Cat
[This message edited by Catwoman at 7:08 PM, Friday, November 19th]
FBS: Married 20 years, 2 daughters 27 and 24. Divorced by the grace of GOD.
D-Days: 2/23/93; 10/11/97; 3/5/03
Ex & OW Broke up 12-10
"An erection does not count as personal growth."
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:44 PM on Friday, November 19th, 2021
If you stop talking to him then you cannot he "lured" back in.
Every poster here agrees this is not a good person. He’s dangerous. He’s violent. He’s manipulative.
He only "loves" you when he cannot have it control you.
No contact. That is the only solution.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
MIgander ( member #71285) posted at 4:36 PM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021
Liob,
I HIGHLY recommend you check out DR. RAMANI on youtube. I'm not a psych, but I've been to so many at this point... he sounds like a narcissist. There's a BW here who posts frequently, LadyG. Please look her up and read her posts. Her husband was a full blown narc and was abusive her entire marriage. He would hit her, sleep with who knows how many women and then do all this manipulative BS to try and "win" her back. Lather, Rinse, Repeat. This is what your BF sounds like.
Each time she tried to break away, he would do the "love bombing" and make promises and play the alligator tear remorse script for her. Just like your BF.
Please listen to Dr Ramani's talks about narcissistic abuse, love bombing and talks on the kinds of people who are most vulnerable to narcissists. From your posts about "loveless marriages" it sounds like you're willing to put up with a lot of emotional deprivation and emotional unavailability. That is a form of abuse as well. Please, you don't deserve this.
Get out now while you can.
DR RAMANI- remember that. Knowledge is power.
Wishing you the best.
WW/BW Dday July 2019. BH/WH- multiple EA's. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
rugswept ( member #48084) posted at 9:06 PM on Saturday, November 20th, 2021
This whole relationship thing is a gigantic mess that indicates you don't have a viable relationship, and probably never will.
You should decide which boat you're in. No matter what you better understand why you attach to others so easily.
You could be very disappointed with how all this turns out.
I honestly think you should go solo mode for a while and recollect who and what you are. Then see how the other players fit in, if they fit in at all. At this point you're both very high risk partners. That is not the basis to forming anything solid.
Oh, hey, it can be one hell of a time. And then it ends really really bad.
R'd (rug swept everything) decades ago.
I'm big on R. Very happy marriage but can never forget.
Lalagirl ( member #14576) posted at 3:37 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021
He only "loves" you when he cannot have it control you.
^^^THIS!
Block this loser and move on. If he won't leave you alone, get a restraining order.
2025: Me-59 FWH-61 Married 41 years grown daughters- 41 & 37. 1 GS,11yo GD & 9yo GD (DD40); Five grands ages 15 to 8. D-day #1-1/06; D-day #2-3/07 Reconciled! Construction Complete. Astra inclinant, sed non obligant
scaredwoman ( member #78680) posted at 11:14 PM on Monday, November 22nd, 2021
I’m resisting as I don’t trust him.
Listen to what your instincts are telling you. He is toxic. I don't remember if you're in counseling, but it might be a great idea to get some to help you see that you NEED to stay away from this man.
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