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As of now you are really nothing more than a wallet to your WW. You are a means to an end... a device. She has no ability to love you or love anyone really. These other men are there to fill a need in her. You are there to support her and her kids.

I don't have any more advice than what the others here have told you.

Ordered the DNA test today, it should arrive tomorrow (wow, that is quick)

I also got the STD test. Urine today, blood tomorrow.

To any BS on the fence to get one, just do it. The technician was super understanding about my situation and I didn't felt ashamed at all (only when I had to run through the whole CVS with my sample and there where myriad of people waiting for their covid shot.) But screw them and my shame,my health is more important and so should be yours to you.

WW was genuinely pissed about both, but I couldn't care less.

I don't want to be a doormat.

Discussion shifted again towards separation. I really get the feeling she doesn't care or plays though girl.

As of now you are really nothing more than a wallet to your WW. You are a means to an end... a device. She has no ability to love you or love anyone really.

She makes actually more than me. I don't fund any of her pleasure spending.

If you mean upkeep of house, kids and home with physical work, this is equally shared.

[This message edited by 3rdTimeIsACharm at 8:54 PM, March 24th (Wednesday)]

WW was genuinely pissed about both, but I couldn't care less.

I don't want to be a doormat.

Discussion shifted again towards separation. I really get the feeling she doesn't care or plays though girl.

From your words she isn't a good candidate for R. I'd reach out to the lawyers and get the D paperwork going. No harm in being able to put the papers in front of her in the near future.

Knowledge is power.

I hope the kids are yours biologically. They are yours no matter what anyway.

Don’t tell your WW anything about your plans.

Discussion shifted again towards separation. I really get the feeling she doesn't care or plays though girl.

That’s what her actions tell you. She doesn’t care.

She makes actually more than me. I don't fund any of her pleasure spending.

If you mean upkeep of house, kids and home with physical work, this is equally shared.

Good, but still... there is no respect there.

Good, but still... there is no respect there.

I agree and I told her so.

I think I can think more straight at this moment.

Leaving her will hurt but remaining in this lackluster R sure will do too.

She has issues she actively tries to suppress, until she isn’t willing to address those, I will be on my way out and address my own failures without her.

I hope the kids are yours biologically. They are yours no matter what anyway.

Exactly, they are mine. Even though I prepare for my exit there is still a little bit of hope left for R in me, not being the bio dad however would be a show stopper.

That’s what her actions tell you. She doesn’t care.

Something seems to be really broken in this woman. As much as I empathize with her and hope she can over come this eventually, I, in my state, can't carry her weight too.

When a cheater is deep in the fog they are literally living in a fantasy world. That is where your WW is. She is in a psychosis of her own making. It will be a bad day for her when the unicorns and rainbows turn out to be donkeys and flashlights.

When a cheater is deep in the fog they are literally living in a fantasy world. That is where your WW is. She is in a psychosis of her own making. It will be a bad day for her when the unicorns and rainbows turn out to be donkeys and flashlights.

Isn't that the truth! I look at my WH deep in the fog and his feeling that the 'grass is greener' on the other side thinking 'wow, you are gonna hit rock bottom hard'. The rose colored glasses will come off after throwing away everything of importance in your life (he asked me for a divorce 2.5 months after D-day) all for some cam whore on a porn site. AS soon as the newness wears off ... BOOM. Might not happen for a month or six months or 2 years, but that's when he'll grieve.

So sorry your WW is deep in the trenches of fog. Doesn't seem a good candidate for R. Sending you big hugs as you navigate!

As I always say living with someone deep in the affair fog is like living in hell.

Escape is one of the only solutions sometimes.

Thats a raw deal, you deserved better.

Great news.

Because I was doing searches on the phone, my WS and her OM shifted communication to letters. My WS was just too stupid to take them home with her in her purse.

Apparently communication also resumed via phone calls while driving to and from work according to those letters (found 3 from OM, not sure what she was writing but hopes were up for a happy couple time in the near future).

What struck me was, that OM was writing about being honest to each other to make this relationship of theirs work. I almost lost it and shit myself while laughing. Really? Honesty between you two? A relationship, which might start with one of the f**king biggest lies of interhuman relationships?

Dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin and oxytocin must be at alarmingly high levels in both brains.

Of course it all doesn't meant anything to my WS (ripped the letters up), she is such a bad person (cry me a river) and she doesn't deserve to be with me (copy that, sometimes even a blind hen finds a grain).

I am so happy now, because that was the last nail in the coffin I needed to plow ahead towards separation without any regrets.

Still waiting on the DNA tests and the STD test results though.

Thank you to all who have responded here and who helped me to open my eyes and seeing through this abusive relationship.

I think you will find some sense of relief just having made a final decision.

I’m glad you got the opportunity to get the info you needed.

Here’s to a better and happier future without all this drama.

The kids will be traumatized by a D

I was worried about this as well. I feared my kids would have a "messed up" life coming from a broken home, and my IC told me that it was better than having them live IN a broken home. That made me see things differently for my kids. 14 years later I have 3 adult children thriving and living well. They are not without their own issues but the D did not hurt them the way I thought it would and I'm so grateful that they understand that infidelity in a relationship is never acceptable.

I'm sorry about the letters but glad that you have further evidence that she is not choosing to be faithful despite the tears.

Really, I am glad that at last you woke up and you are thinking of yourself and your children.

I hope the DNA tests confirm your paternity

Look, it's not a criticism, but how could you endure, your wife so long, how to be able to kiss her, or get to have sex, after such betrayal, I know that you are a good man and always, you put others before you But I still think that your wife has caused a lot of damage to your family, to you and to the children, she only loves herself, all the time that she could have dedicated to the children and to you, she preferred to dedicate it to her AP, fucking, totally unconcerned with her family, if they were well or if they lasted, it hurts the soul just thinking, everything she has done, with her immense selfishness, and you at home taking care of the children, really Well, finally open your eyes, you deserve something that is at your height, your wife is too insignificant by your side, you are a great man and a great father, you deserve a great woman by your side

Just think, that at last you will come out of a life, full of falsehoods, and hypocrites, at last you will be able to start thinking about being happy, God will reward you,

chepo1966, thanks for your kind words but I want to set the record straight in some aspects.

This is not meant to be apologetic and shall not excuse her infidelity. She has some serious mental health issues in this regard, insecurity, feeling of being abandoned etc. However, she also has a lot of great qualities, I mean I wouldn't have fallen in love with her if that wouldn't be the case. We have almost always been a good team, managing kids, house, our life etc.. We had fun and laughed.

Despite the good times, I can't bear her straying anymore, this is the part where I feel abused. I don't mind the sex she had, I am not that insecure about my sexuality that I am thinking I have been outcompeted, it's rather the decisiveness, dishonesty and lying which bothered me plus the withdrawal and redirection of emotions. The fact that I wasn't loved and wanted destroyed my self-worth.

So we will definitely separate but keep contact because I want shared custody for kids.

She is remorseful and understands my desire to be away from her. She is also actively seeking IC for her. I wish her luck and no harm.

But I am not overly optimistic either, I will observe and re-evaluate her actions and not just trust her words like I did in the past.

She is not a bad person but she made a lot of bad choices without considering the consequences.

I see her suffering while she is waking up to the facts what her selfish fulfillment of her needs has done to her life and that of the persons around her. I am already in IC and I will support her in getting into some as best as I can. I want her to be a good role model for relationships for our kids.

My sister was a wayward and still has the same mindset years later.

They don’t all get it.

Agreed, not all get it. Words are cheap. I will see if she follows through.