SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So your wife was ready to leave you..scratch that, she actually left you.

Now. You know they had sex. They had lots of sex. She's left you, the guy is divorced, why did she come back? She had the sex, she had the freedom to do as she wished but she came back.

Why?

Lifestyle? Did he have other women on the side?

Also another question. If you have a person who's ready to leave you for another man, what's to stop her from doing it again? Actually scratch that..

You have a woman, who's actively being dishonest with you after having left you. If she doesn't respect you enough to tell you the truth why are you putting up with this continued disrespect after her ultimate disrespect of cheating and leaving you?

Backy

Sorry for you. My H gave me the ILYBNILWY speech. They had an EA going on for a few months.

Then he tells me if the A - the night they kissed. Yes it was kissed only. Week later he wants a D.

Same hell as you. He’s walking out the door 10 days after I learn of the A.

The funny thing is I spoke with OW and she swore they did not have sex. She said it did not happen. She also wrote in an email to him when he ended it that she was so glad she did not have sex with him. She was raging at him for dumping her so it is possible it’s true.

However - and I say this in all honesty - I find it hard to believe my CH is going to end a 25 year M for someone he knew for 6 months and there was no sex.

But that email is telling isn’t it? Seems contradictory to me.

I think there was sexual contact but not intercotrsrvvfiedmt matter the technical points / he cheated. End of story.

The issue is a detail. I have no proof but logic tells me there was “sexual” contact. Whatever it may be.

[This message edited by The1stWife at 9:34 PM, April 20th (Friday)]

I guess we have reconciled but never has the truth come out life just goes on... and yes the other man has since divorced his wife cuz he got caught sending emails to my wife

Nope, you're not reconciled. You just stayed together.

If that's what your wife is saying I'd be pissed twice. First for the affair and second for thinking I'm foolish and dumb enough to believe her story. Poly her and see what comes up.

OK ... you know you've enabled her. You know you've stayed in a non-M.

What do you want to do now? Has something happened that has changed your mind? Are you willing to D now if your W doesn't help build the M you want?

**************************************

For the record, I know my W spent a weekend in a guy's apartment (for a professional conference) and didn't have sex with him. I know she's been on a couple of multi-day business trips and didn't cheat. I know I've spent hundreds of nights in hotels without cheating.

But neither of us sent up red flags during those periods. I can't know if your W had sex with the guy or not, but she obviously has sent up flares.

[This message edited by sisoon at 11:48 AM, April 21st (Saturday)]

Thx all she met him in July and told me in November... Like I said she said I think we need a break as she's handing me back her wedding rings... So we were apart for a month and she came back from a weekend with him and I put up the ultimatum and ask her who she wanted to be with him or me 3 times... the answer was always him so I said okay this is the way we're going then let's go but at least call your mom and let your mom know what's going on because she's worried about her... 48 hours later apparently we're back together but she didn't stop seeing him for another 6 months... Just tired of all the f****** lies... I have a lot to be blame for in the way everything went down as well... But I didn't cheat

Forgot to say the little bit of time we were apart we still stayed in the house together and on one of the weekends they were away I found a bottle of chocolate sauce from the stag shop that they only licked off each other's arm LOL....unreal what these people expect u to believe...i think the fact that I said let's get divorced scared her and things got real fast that's y she said she wanted to stay together but still have her friend around for 6 more months til he eventually fucked up...she didn't stop seeing him for me

Yes. I have spent nights with men in hotel rooms that was simply platonic (young, didn't have much money, willing to share a hotel room for 2 nights) and I spent 3 weeks with a male friend on vacation. Nothing even came close to happening. Because I wasn't interested (nor were they).

But ... not if she was with her AP. And didn't tell you about it ahead of time.

File and quit getting played.

At this time you are playing yourself.

I thought everyone here was being pretty harsh, so as an oldtimer i thought I'd step in, but yeah, they're right. Getting caught and stopping is one thing, continuing right under your nose is another. File for divorce and quit being her rent money.

Time for a polygraph test.

I know what has to done and thx to everyone for putting in your 2 cents....polygraph test...a few years ago to to see her response I asked about that and the answer was...guess what....life is crazy responded to another post I had..2nd page reconciliation struggles...great response worth a read

Sorry, but why meet in a hotel room? Why not in public, like a coffee shop or a park? No way. So sorry.

180 BIGTIME.

and schedule for STD testing.

And go see an IC.

And get some Hefty bags to dump her crap into so it's easier to throw out.

And schedule some man-time and throw away any soy-based crap and don't eat or drink that stuff anymore.

And watch some Rocky movies or some Rambo or maybe the Apprentice or Survivor.

She thinks you're the shoeshineboy or the bellhop or a nice, manageable, harmless pet hamster or fish instead of her husband.

Maybe take up a new hobby like boxing or lumberjacking or taxidermy. You can start by setting bear traps up on the other side of your bed and just inside of the front and back doors until you get the locks changed. (Better warn her not to go doing any breaking and entering/trespassing without your authorization, first though...I guess...maaaayyybe).

Oh and those Hefty bags need not sit around for long. You can tell her that the Goodwill charity truck is scheduled to come in a day or so to to pick up some "donations" and that either way, at least she'll be helping to make SOMEONE just a little bit happier and feeling better about themselves.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 8:37 PM, April 22nd (Sunday)]

The only way I know that could happen is if she’s related to the man (father, son, brother). If that isn’t the case then they had sex. A lot of sex.

Yes, it is absolutely possible.

You can put me in a hotel room with my STBXWW for 12 days and I GUARANTEE that there wouldn’t be any sex.

I don't for a second believe that a wayward spouse would spend a dozen nights in a hotel with an affair partner (there was, as a minimum, an emotional affair, right?) without having sex of some kind.

Ergo, she's lying to you. In fact, it's such as huge lie that I would call it gaslighting.

File and quit getting played.

At this time you are playing yourself.

Yeah, my IC said something similar a while back after I said that my wife's behavior was like a big middle finger to me. He said that at some point you're giving yourself the middle finger if you allow it.

WW here, no!

Here's the link to old thread of mine where I asked similar question, I'll also add update with the most current information:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=604054&AP=1&HL=

And about your situation - I don't understand why are you staying with her? It looks like you are wasting your life away. Do you have kids?