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Yeah, I said NO for my kids so they didn't have to get in the middle on the trips xh plans that are on my weeklong visitations that they don't want to be on.

Also, tell ur DS he doesn't have to read/listen to the barrage of texts he'll get from Dad. Can you take photos of any texts he gets/you get, to show an atty?

When the kids are not involved, I find it amusing how flipped out xh/ow get when told NO.

Glad you are watching out for your kids.

AT least one parent cares about the kids.

Keep up the good communication with your kids.

They do need some stability in their lives.

Update

He sent an email to DS late last night. Told him that if he can't stand up to his mother then there is no point. That he's losing out on a trip and it's not his fault. He's not going to bother pursuing it in any way.

Nice...I doubt he even bought him a ticket. Just wanted to get away for Christmas and leave his kids behind with me to blame for his mess and him the victim.

I didn't think he could beat his "let's have a $15 limit for gifts this year boys - it'll be fun" that he pulled on them last year. DS16 got a comic book and DS19 got a gift card for starbucks. He makes over $200,000/year.

[This message edited by minniegal at 1:24 PM, December 4th (Monday)]

STBX is digging his own grave with his kids by showing them who he is. Mine did this too. Kids are not stupid, even when very young. They KNOW who is FOR them and who is not.

If your son seems bummed, just tell him you're sorry his dad said that but that perhaps ya'll could start a new mom/son tradition this year, his pick. That might take some of the sting out.

You've done awesome.

Ugh! He is SO trying to manipulate and guilt trip those boys! What he is failing to understand is that they are old enough to pick up on it, and it will only serve to alienate them.

Told him that if he can't stand up to his mother then there is no point

Please clarify to DS this has NOTHING to do with "standing up to his mother," and you were okay with whatever he decided to do. This is about DS standing up for what DS wants, and you will continue to support that. Being an ass doesn't garner many brownie points with teenagers.

Now plan a fantastic time with DS to create some awesome new memories!

[This message edited by Phoenix1 at 2:02 PM, December 4th (Monday)]

What did DS have to say about the email?

WHAT A FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!!

What did DS have to say about the email?

He replied to him directly and forwarded me a copy. Told his dad that if he had asked me before he booked it, or talked to me when ds asked him, instead of trying to go behind my back - then I would likely have said yes but now he'll never know. That it wasn't fair to assume he could just take time away from me (that our family time was important too) or assume I didn't have anything to do for the last week of vacation and he could just drop him off whenever he wanted. Told him he would have wanted to go but not like this.

He's got it all figured out. Sucks to realize your parent is a selfish ass

I don't think I'll hear anything more about it

I don't post often, but I need to tell you what a great job you have done raising this kid.

He gets it.

go give him a hug and tell him that he is more mature than his father.

your XH = spoiled baby

your DS = man.

now go shed a tear over the fact that they've had to grow up so quickly and be incredibly proud of your kids.

He's pretty darn awesome! They both are :)

I will add that within weeks of finding out about stbx and kicking him out I put both of the kids in therapy. Stbx fought it but the boys were old enough to say they wanted it - and eldest was 16 and didn't need his consent. He also only stayed with it for a year while younger DS stuck with it for a year or more longer. They've both handled this all differently but are coming through.

Stbx was a real hero to the eldest especially. It's been tough to watch their disappointment in his fall.

Do you think your ex purposely planned the vacation so it violated the custody arrangement and DS couldn’t attend just so he could go on the trip without him??

Do you think your ex purposely planned the vacation so it violated the custody arrangement and DS couldn’t attend just so he could go on the trip without him?

Very likely.

You can also email your atty with copies of everything and ask that they send xh atty a stern warning letter telling him this manipulation of his minor child will not be tolerated...

[This message edited by homewrecked2011 at 3:12 AM, December 5th (Tuesday)]

minniegal and DSs you are all rock stars. You've handled this so very well. Hold your heads up high 💚

Another UPDATE!

I haven't heard a word about this "family trip" since the weekend I posted about this. But he's been texting and messages DS16 a couple of times. "stand up to her! she can't control you!" is the overall theme. DS didn't mention this until last night - he just kept ignoring him.

Last week was DS16's Christmas Rock Band concert at school. He's a great musician. Has really become more and more passionate about playing over the past few years. His high school Rock Band club puts on this concert every year. STBX and gf and her kid have attended every year. I asked DS a couple of times if they were coming and just to give me a heads up (so I can bring someone to be with me just in case he tries to start something). DS never invited them. Didn't even mention that it was happening. I was sad for DS that he came to that decision but quietly relieved I didn't have to deal with him.

Then last night I received this:

"Well you are really going for the mother of year award this Christmas.

Congratulations? You continue to outdo your capacity for selfish cruelty.

Did I mention DS20 was invited on this "all expenses paid family trip to Mexico!" and turned him down flat.

I get so tired of dealing with this NPD shit. His gf is worse than he is (writes a lot of his emails). I know everyone says that once the kids are older the relationship is theirs to deal with - but DS16 really really wants the old version of his dad back. I'm still dealing with his rages even though we're 3 1/2 years out. It's never-ending.

Good lord. What a piece of human excrement.

Way to stay strong, and good on you for raising your sons right!

See his lunatic raving for what it is - classic projection. He is accusing you of EXACTLY what he is doing. I know it can still sting, but let it roll off your shoulders and continue to be the consistent rock for your boys. The important thing is that THEY see their father for who and what he is, and the asshat is the one that will be facing the day of reckoning.

DS16 really really wants the old version of his dad back.

I know this is heartbreaking for you to watch. It was for me. My DS had his father on a pedestal and it crushed him to know that idolization was based on a foundation of lies and crumpled like a house of cards. My DS was devastated. All you can do is continue to be the one honest, consistent, trustworthy parent in his life. Your DS may not like what he sees, but he understands the situation. Maybe you can offer him some more counseling to help him work through it.

Tuck those verbal tirades away somewhere for future use. If your DS's ever want more details down the road you can show them these exchanges. I only say that because my DS was adamant in the beginning that there was no way his father was as morally corrupt as I was making him sound (through just giving DS facts that he asked about). So I asked him if he wanted to see actual documentation for himself. He did (he was 20). We went to dinner and I brought what I had. He went through everything with a fine tooth comb, and I could see his face deflate when the truth really sank in. He realized his father really was as bad as it had appeared. It broke my heart and I started crying in the restaurant, telling him how sorry I was, and maybe he shouldn't have seen all this. He sat up, regained his own soldier-trained composure, and told me in no uncertain terms that he was glad I showed him everything because he truly was skeptical of what I had told him verbally and now he knew without a doubt what his father is and HE was the one sorry for what I had dealt with all those years.

I am not saying your situation will come to this, but if you just tuck away these exchanges, you may be glad you have them at some point in the future. Until then, just keep being the great mom you are to your boys!