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In rereading your thread you seem to be a very passive and understanding guy. All that gets you in these situations is walked on. She’s living with you and going out right in front of you to have sex with her shiny new boyfriend.

Full exposure to all family friends as to what she’s doing. Id tell your child that mommy has a boyfriend (his name) so you can’t be married anymore.

Don’t worry about pushing her away, she’s already gone. She doesn’t give a damn about you, your feelings or your son. Start standing up for yourself and quit being her punching bag. Look what that’s gotten you.

It’s way past time for you to wake up!!!!! This situation is beyond abusive.

[This message edited by Marz at 8:20 AM, Sunday, August 8th]

By not lawyering up and fighting for your portion, you are stealing from your son's future.

Your wife cares more for her own welfare than she does for him - that is apparent in her actions of blowing up her family for a guy. Do you really believe that she will put your son's best interest ahead of hers?

I'm sorry that your relationship with your WW has gotten to this point. I would like to add that you sound like you have great potential, and will find your way to another partner that suits you. As far as your WW goes, I don't know what her interests are, but it sounds like she and her AP are bonding over their similar professions. The age gap may eventually catch up with her especially if she is socially and physically active ( I have personal experience with this). We all wish you the best, and hope you can proceed by living the best life you deserve.

Been following your posts and was wondering how you doing and holding up

Hi Folks...sorry haven't posted in a bit... been talking with lawyers lots lately and consumed by the negotiations...

We had a meeting with both lawyers and us in person about a month ago, after finding out she submitted an order to the court to have me leave the house, not be allowed back and her get my son 9 out of 14 days, me only 5. My state is 50/50 custody unless there is some reason not to. Her reason is that our son is 'more attached to her" (because she coddles him) and that this will be hard on him --- so she can have an affair, file for D and then worry that the D will be hard on our son???

Luckly we had a judge meeting late August to address her motion, and the judge said 50/50. She even tried pulling out some irrelevant stuff, that the judge ignored. Even after that, she was still trying to get more than 50/50 custody. Found out a week or two ago from my lawyer that she's moving out mid October to an apartment that she's rented. I made an offer for the house to her, but she want 50% of the equity - and I don't feel comfortable taking a loan out to cover that much for a big house I don't need for my son and I, even though I thought keeping the house for a bit would be good to help him through the transition. For reference, she makes almost 3x what I do, so she doesn't need the money.

Had another judge meeting today (status update really) where the lawyers told him she's moving out, and we ended up on selling the house. Her lawyer said "my client understands your guidance judge, that 50/50 custody, so we'll start there and see how it goes".

So... here's where I could use some advice:

1. We do 50/50 custody, and every time our son has a bad day, she'll use it as a reason to go back to court to change the custody to her having more.

2. She's been telling him things like how much more money she makes than me (he's repeating this to others...), has already told her about an apartment without discussing with me.... she always just did whatever she wanted if I didn't agree with her within 5 minutes of her telling me something, so how to deal with someone like that as a 'co-parent'.

3. She still has my son sleep in the bed with her... appears to just give him her phone when she picks him up / takes him to school so that he can watch videos. I raised my concern back in June, and she dismissed them.

4. What to tell our 7 year old son about the divorce, her moving out, having to sell the house?

Document, document, document. You may be going for 50/50, but if she's pulling all this sh!t just to screw you over on custody, then it's best to leave a paper trail.

As for what to tell your son, whatever's discussed between you and your stbx should stay between you and stbx. Try to word it in an age-appropriate way that won't put your son in the middle.

I'm sorry but still sleeping with a 7 yr old is weird.
I would bring this and the other shit she is doing up, and ask your attorney about an Guardian Ad Lidem.
This is a mess, an you and your son deserve a just outcome.

Respectfully to tushnurse (who I think is rockstar) DO NOT say anything about your 7 year old sleeping her.
One thing that is very hard to do in the midst of divorce is to let go of the fact that you and your ex are no longer a united front. Her co-sleeping is a PARENTING CHOICE. and no judge anywhere is going to tell her to stop. And how would you enforce it? It will only add more fuel to the fire.

Instead empower your son. Have a SOLID, comforting bedtime routine at your house that is self directed. Story time with dad, brush teeth, bed. Help him come up with strategies that he can use if he can fall asleep...like drawing. He can always have paper and crayons. When my kids were that young and WH and I were separated we would read easy chapter books. We would read one chapter at home together before bed. The next time were where together we would talk about the chapter and "predict" what would happen in the next chapter before reading it together at night. We would "draw" what we thought was happening and share. I would plan "adventures" that matched the books. SO if were reading about dinosaurs we would go up to Natural history museum for the day. Pack a picnic.

All that to say...incentivize him sleeping in his own bed at both houses. The worst your ex can say to the judge is that my son is reading and drawing his room and going to the musuem. And by establishing it as a self driven activity you take yourself out of it.

She is working to alienate you. Please get to a therapist that deals with parental alienation. Please PLEASE do this immediately! They can give additional tips and suggestions to combat this. USUALLY it stops when she had gotten over "anger" at not getting her way after all the destruction she has caused. It boggles my mind how these people think.

Moving foward:
STRICTLY adhere to schedule. NOT exchanging, swapping etc. NONE. She will use it against it either way. IF your son says you are mean for not letting him to the fun thing mommy promised him...REDIRECT. "I am sorry your disappointed. This is daddy's time with you.

Do NOT plan over the top FUN. It sets a bad precedent and isn't really what your son wants. One of you has to provide the stability and its obvious your the responsible adult.

She is going to be the Disneyland parent for awhile so you will need to develop a thick skin with some of the things that your son will say and that where therapy will be VITAL for you.

And if all else fells THROW THE JUDGE UNDER THE BUS...
The judge said this is your time with Daddy
The judge decided Mommy and daddy had to live in separate places.