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Newest Member: Feelingvunerable

Just Found Out :
The Simplified 180

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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 1:02 PM on Tuesday, August 29th, 2023

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30539   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8805898
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:50 PM on Wednesday, November 8th, 2023

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30539   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8814438
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 9:25 PM on Saturday, December 30th, 2023

Bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30539   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8819854
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Lostwings ( member #79902) posted at 12:23 AM on Thursday, January 11th, 2024

Bump

I thought it was love at the end of the rainbow , but a banshee came and almost destroyed my pot of gold . In R.

posts: 126   ·   registered: Feb. 7th, 2022   ·   location: United States
id 8820840
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Edie ( member #26133) posted at 4:22 PM on Friday, February 9th, 2024

Bump for MarjiLlann

posts: 6649   ·   registered: Nov. 9th, 2009   ·   location: Europe
id 8824095
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:15 PM on Monday, March 4th, 2024

Bump

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8827170
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minusone ( member #50175) posted at 8:49 PM on Tuesday, April 30th, 2024

Bump

"I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better". Maya Angelou

posts: 8372   ·   registered: Nov. 2nd, 2015   ·   location: USA
id 8835264
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wjbrennan78 ( member #84763) posted at 4:45 PM on Thursday, May 2nd, 2024

Question from a newbie. As far as giving gifts - I was making myself some tea last night, and I asked my WW if she would want one. She answered "yes, but you don't have to" - I scoffed and said it is not big deal. When delivering the tea I told her "I don't Hate YOU, I Hate IT!"

Was the act of providing her soothing tea, and soothing words a "gift". Are these actions something I should not do.

I'm trying to act with kindness and grace through all of this. But I really want to stay as close as possible to the 180. I cannot remain the same broken person that was created two weeks ago. And I cannot put up with the trickle truths and stonewalling.

posts: 65   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2024   ·   location: Illinois
id 8835442
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 12:32 AM on Friday, May 3rd, 2024

You will probably get more responses if you ask on your thread. This post is usually just "bumped" so people can read it.

Was the act of providing her soothing tea, and soothing words a "gift". Are these actions something I should not do.

If you're doing the 180, then yes, this is something you don't do. Don't do anything. You want as little interaction as possible Treat her like she's the world's worst roommate.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8835513
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:22 PM on Tuesday, July 2nd, 2024

Bump

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8841382
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Marie82 ( new member #84924) posted at 4:14 PM on Wednesday, July 3rd, 2024

Thank you for bumping this. The detachment is so hard and I feel like it’s making WH even meaner to me. But I know I need to detach to move on.

posts: 21   ·   registered: Jun. 9th, 2024
id 8841427
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sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 5:44 PM on Saturday, September 21st, 2024

bump

fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
You don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.

posts: 30539   ·   registered: Feb. 18th, 2011   ·   location: Illinois
id 8849226
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:38 PM on Wednesday, October 2nd, 2024

Bump

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8850020
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gray54 ( new member #85293) posted at 12:28 AM on Thursday, October 3rd, 2024

This is so helpful. Thank you, SI, these experienced insights are so desperately needed for us newbies. I will keep revisiting as I struggle thru processing.

It could be worse, but it's bad enough.

posts: 39   ·   registered: Sep. 26th, 2024   ·   location: Ohio
id 8850046
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 3:59 AM on Wednesday, November 6th, 2024

Bump

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 4012   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8853132
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