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WW and OM may become an item and that wouldn't be good either.

That will never happen. WW doesn't want him and OM is already throwing her under the bus, or he soon will be when his wife goes after him. Rich like he is means huge alimony.

I think the OM at this time is scared crapless.

Thanks, Western!

About this:

I applaud his morals and would definitely inform the OM's wife although if he does that, WW and OM may become an item and that wouldn't be good either.

Admittedly it would be disturbing, but:

- If it should happen, he'll have his answer about how "remorseful" she is...

- I don't think it will happen, OM is a millionaire and a player, he probably wants his "official" woman to be exclusive, while he plays around with the wives of other men. I don't think he will go steady with a proven cheat.

- If SpaceGhost should change his mind and decide to reconcile, the OM would read the facts that he took his wife back and didn't hand any consequenc to him as signs of weakness, and would feel free to hit on the wife again. Sure, at that point it would be her job to steer clear, but it would be a nuisance nonetheless.

If SpaceGhost should change his mind and decide to reconcile, the OM would read the facts that he took his wife back and didn't hand any consequenc to him as signs of weakness, and would feel free to hit on the wife again.

I might be misunderstanding what you wrote.

But R is never a sign of weakness, if done properly.

The OM could have consequences, but that is out of SG hands really. That would have to come from the OMs wife, once she is informed.

I might be misunderstanding what you wrote.

But R is never a sign of weakness, if done properly.

The OM could have consequences, but that is out of SG hands really. That would have to come from the OMs wife, once she is informed.

Maybe it's my fault. English is not my native Language.

What I meant was that if SG doesn't expose (so OM can't have any consequence of any kind from his wife) the OM might read the Whole story (Wife is reconciling, OM not exposed, no one had consequences from their cheating, in the eyes of the OM) as SG being weak, so he might think he can hit on her again without any fear.

I hope this has clarified the subject.

Strength to you SpaceGhost

You've already been given some great advice here by folks who've been where you are so I’m just going to say “stick to your plan”.

File and serve her / Expose to OM’s wife / Do the 180 and go dark.

You are doing what I wished I would have done when I was faced with a very similar XWW, 5 years ago. You can read my story but it’s pathetic…a good example of what NOT to do. This may sound strange but I envy you. You have the balls and strength to dispose of her disgusting mess…the right way.

I was too trusting, scared of losing her and our family. Guess what, I lost it all anyway only it was dragged out for years. It emotionally and physically rotted me away until there was nothing left. I couldn't take it anymore so I filed but more out of dispair, not strength. This delay also allowed her to keep us both in orbit, continue lying to me, and also to get acclimated to the idea of being single again.

My biggest regret will always be that I didn't drop the Bomb of Consequences on her as soon as I had proof of her cheating. She lied, denied and fooled me for years…while still cheating. Because I botched my response, it allowed her to lose respect for me and also enabled her to continue underground. You only have one chance to blow her mind…so make it count. She deserves to know what having her whole world destroyed feels like. She will gain respect for you because of your show of strength. You can always reconsider at a later date, if you choose. Personally, I will never reconsider after what my XWW did to me. It wasn't just what she did, but how she did it.

Spaceghost007

Your wife's actions show incredible deception toward you. Way too much planning on her part and you couldn't tell. I believe she knows the consequences if she were to be caught. She did it anyway as she is selfish. Her actions, to me, appear that she has done this before and she is just now getting caught. Her friend she called is her accomplice and NOT a friend of your marriage. I'd be willing to bet the farm that her friend also has or had a married man on the side too. The other man could have been any guy. Your contract of marriage is with your wife and she has betrayed your trust. One trust is lost it is extremely difficult to get back.

Your plan is the the clearest I have seen. I'm hoping for the best, but like you I have my boundaries. Good Luck on Friday!

Good luck on Friday just make sure his wife gets the info just before she is served what his wife does after that is not your problem.

I suggest you give her your cell# if she wants to ask you questions.

I suggest you give her your cell# if she wants to ask you questions.

^^^ This. I had quite a few conversations with my POSOM's wife. It turns out she actually knew more than I did about the affair. We exchanged info and proof. She sent me 5 months worth of messages she got off POSOM's computer...painful stuff to read for me but I needed to see it. She divorced POSOM afterward. Their divorce was final 2 months before mine. POSOM dumped my XWW right before ours was final.

OM's wife may know more than you think she does. If not, she deserves to know. She may be grateful.

Her friend she called is her accomplice and NOT a friend of your marriage. I'd be willing to bet the farm that her friend also has or had a married man on the side too

I cut these people from my life immediately after I found out who they were.

[This message edited by Decimated at 3:34 PM, February 4th (Wednesday)]

Craig, I was saying if his wife dumped him, they may end up together. I should have clarified.

Italianjob, I agree again with everything you said

My only concern with your plan is that she is likely going to be terminated from her job. Probably over the weekend. So may get a good chunk in alimony and of course will get child support on top of that. You may end up on the short end of the stick for a while, but maybe writing the check every month even for alimony is better than being married to someone with no remorse.

My only concern with your plan is that she is likely going to be terminated from her job.

If that happens, that is serious grounds for a major lawsuit against this OM and the company...I would think.

If that happens, that is serious grounds for a major lawsuit against this OM and the company...I would think.

Well...maybe. I wouldn't bet on his soon to be ex-wife suing her former OM's company though, while going through a divorce she likely won't want. The OM's wife could very likely make that her number one demand. I know I did with my spouse. His OW#1 didn't sue him, but I didn't care if she did. Those were his consequences to deal with. All that mattered to me was that she gone, gone, gone. He literally had a three count to decide his marriage or his whores....didn't matter to me what the fall-out for him was. So hopefully spaceghost's attorney has advised him on this potential issue. Spaceghost can't sue his soon to be ex-wife's employer for terminating her only she could. I just wouldn't bet the farm that she'd be jumping up to do that while going through a divorce that is a direct result of her cheating kwim? I'd hate to see Spaceghost take a deeper financial hit because of this than he has too. It is a shit sandwich no matter how you look at it though.

Decimated...I tried to PM you but it didn't work...

POSOM dumped my XWW right before ours was final

I would like to know how she dealt with that...did she want to come back to you? What is her status now? What has happened to her? Does she regret her choices?

I hope you are well.

So hopefully spaceghost's attorney has advised him on this potential issue. Spaceghost can't sue his soon to be ex-wife's employer for terminating her only she could.

SG should definitely hear his lawyer about this, but, well, I'm not a lawyer and it might be different from country to country...The OM fires the WW shortly after the affair becomes public knowledge, the WW has obviously full grounds for a labor lawsuit but she doesn't sue, and tries to obtain higher alimony in the divorce from me... IDK I think there would be full grounds to hit them both with a Fraud lawsuit, IMO, but he should hear a lawyer about this.

Also, there is no child support here, alimony rewarded depends a lot from local laws. It has to be seen if she would be better of with alimony from the divorce while losing her job. It's not so automatic that she wouldn't sue to get her job back.

This will be a quick update. She is in survival mode she knows things have changed between us. She had another talk with her friend. Told her she is worried that I have changed. I am not intimate with her and she misses that. She told her the OM wants to keep things going but she ended the affair. She is thinking of quitting so he leaves her alone.

She wants to go away for our anniversary on a romantic getaway. Makes me sick since that is what she did with the OM. I told her I need to rethink our marriage so I did not want to commit to that. This started her crying and she told me how much she loves me. She Asked if I was in love with someone else and I told her no. I Again told her I think she was in love with someone else and she said No! She has always been in love with me.

In her defense she does know if she admitted the affair I would end things. So she will not admit to anything so we are both now miserable. I Feel bad for her in a way but I need to start moving forward.

I will post more later. I am serving her tomorrow but this is all for now

Hang in there brother. Your strength is admirable.

She won't admit to anything because she knows you will end the marriage.

Well then she shouldn't have done it. She knew the consequences....so that says something.

Stay strong, enjoy your golf trip you deserve it.

SG, sorry you are having to endure this, my friend. It's a deep tragedy. Sending strength your way...

I Again told her I think she was in love with someone else and she said No! She has always been in love with me.

She most likely answered honestly.

If you had asked her if she had sex with someone else and she said no, then that would be a lie.

When it comes up again, just rephrase the question. You might be surprised at her honesty, now that she knows you know. And she does know that you know at this time. Her gut feeling has already told her that you do know.

REALLY!!! "She wants to go away for our anniversary on a romantic getaway" Hasn't she been on enough romantic getaways with her lover??

This is her being selfish and again her friend is no friend to you or your marriage. If her friend is married, after the dust settles you may consider letting her husband know what this "friend" is all about. Her friend is an enabler and an accomplice.

This is the tough time Spaceghost. You so want to believe her. You so want to trust her. This is regret not remorse. Unless there are consequences she will do this again. Your wife's actions should show you how she can not be trusted. It seems to me that you have already started the 180 and are way ahead of the learning curve most men experience with a wayward wife.

I'm praying for you brother to have strength during this difficult time.

i know this so hard for you. your taking the strong stance is honestly the best thing right i think. actions have consequences.

stay the course for now. you have the whole future to change your mind if you later decide to do that.

strength man sending strength