SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It appears to me that someone on this site recognized who I am and more importantly who my wife is. How I came to this belief is that in one of my threads this person mentioned my wife by name!

I will be honest; it shook me to my core because anonymity is one of the bedrock principles of a site like this and to lose it puts before a person a troubling but familiar questions. Do I stay or do I go? Do I accept and reconcile the fact that I am no longer unknown or do I reject and divorce myself from a site that I have grown to love and trust?

It was suggested that maybe this was simply a strange coincidence or an odd typo or something along those lines. Before I concluded that the smart thing for me to do was to bail that I would ask, in a follow up question on the same thread, as to how it was that they came to using my wife’s name? I received no response.

This did not help to relieve my anxiety. I waited a few days and then I reluctantly sent my fellow betrayed a P.M. explaining that I wasn’t mad but was uncomfortable and needed to know whether it was that they recognized me or was this just an odd happenstance. Again, no response.

This lack of replies has left me in a very familiar quandary. Once again, I feel silenced for the wrongdoing of another. There is deep loneliness in a situation like this. A type of abandonment that feels like betrayal. Though that probably is unfair or an overreaction for this situation could be just an weird mistake.

A few here, have thoughtfully reached out to me, to see if I was okay and that really warms the heart. And they have kindly listened with intent to my fears and concerns. It affirms that there is support here and that I would be wise to stay and find my way through this uncomfortable situation.

But in truth, I want to shrink back into the shadows.

Asterisk

1) I'd wait. Maybe the member is aware of your concern; maybe not. People take time off SI for a number of reasons for anything that is great to something that is devastating.

2) Is one person figuring out who you are a real problem, if that person does not spread the news? And if that person DOES spread the news, it's too late.

I don't mean to minimize lost anonymity. I do mean that it's too late to protect it, and posting or not posting here seems irrelevant to me.

Maybe the person is fearful you will figure out who they are.

And that is why there is silence.

Please stay. I think we need all the support from a solid community like SI when the chips are down.

I'm fairly certain a member once figured out who I am. A comment that member made peaked my curiosity. I sent a pm and got no response. It happens.

Maybe this member will fess up. It would be polite.

I have no idea how anyone could figure out something as vague as this site’s stories are. For instance on another site a poster writes openly about her marriage, her ex and his public issues but there are thousands of those kind of stories.
Don’t panic. I put enough info on here that my family members might actually guess but it is not different enough for them to know for sure. Your story is being played out right now somewhere on this planet.

Thank you Sisoon,

For your perspective, and I don’t feel like you are "minimizing" the situation. The knowledge of the idea of "the news" being "spread" and is "too late too protect it" is discomforting. And the fact that I needlessly let myself cause this situation has me a bit frustrated. Another way of saying it is I set the trap and I sprung the trap not the smartest maneuver.

Asterisk

The1stWife,

I too have found SI to be a solid community, and I am split between "wantings". I want to stay and I want to split. Which is how I felt, though to a much lesser extent, after D-day. As I did then, I plan to hold tight, stick around, and see if I can regain my comfort. Thank you for your encouragement.

Asterisk

Unhinged,

Yes, fessing up would be the polite thing to do and I still hold out hope that they will.

Asterisk

Cooley2here,

I hear what you are saying. I agree it would be highly unlikely for someone to figure out who a person here might be. And I have tried to keep that in mind. However, this member called my wife by her 1st name. Not only that but by the abbreviation of her 1st name, which is how I, her family, and close friends refer to her. That would be a very strange coincidence. I have never used my wife’s name, her affair partner’s name, or my name, so how do I square this? How would you?

Asterisk