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I wrack my brains often with this question and I always end up with various different conclusions, but I’d like to hear others opinions on this.

The AP’s lies. I made a very foolish mistake in contacting my H’s AP in the early days a couple of weeks before the polygraph.
She implied she’d had PIV with my H, she couldn’t remember if she’d had PIV on the night I’d questioned as she was too drunk to remember, she’d had oral with him twice, she was in a ‘situationship’ with him and lots of other things to make it look like she had something with him. At the time of her messaging me this information I was taking my son’s to a medical appointment and was reading and had to hold everything in, I couldn’t let my boys see, this absolutely traumatised me.
H begged, pleaded and was desperately trying to tell me this was not true and it was just a few kisses but I didn’t believe him, nearly two weeks I believed my H had done all the things she told me until he took a polygraph and proved hadn’t. To say I was confused was an understatement, I didn’t speak a word all the way home in the car, I just couldn’t comprehend what on earth she wanted or why. Why? Why lie? Why did she tell all those lies when this was 3 years ago and she’s now engaged? It makes no sense.
I’ve read a few times on SI that it’s recommended not to contact AP, I’ve also read online that it’s not recommended either is this because of the lying?

So my question is why do AP’s lie? Especially when there’s no reason to. Has anyone else experienced AP lies before?

Could be a lot of different things:

She's telling the truth and your H is really good at passing polygraphs.

She's lying because she's mad at your H and wants to make his life as difficult as possible.

She's lying because she's a chaos goblin.

She's lying because she's playing the victim. ("too drunk to remember PIV")

D. All of the above!

APs are known to be jealous of the BS. After all, you have him and she wants him.

They might lie to hurt you. You were in (and in her mind won) a competition you didn't sign up for but she did. She wants to knock you down a peg.

Or, she has hate in her heart for him and wanted to wreck his life.

Because she hoped you would dump him and send him running to her is my number one guess.

Number two guess is she wanted to hurt you directly for existing.

I think most AP’s consider it some sort of (sick, fucked up) game. They are determined to win and be number 1 … no matter the cost.

Once they find out there was never a chance of them pulling off 1st place, they will stomp, pout, and wreck havoc to those who got in their way from claiming victory. (Let’s be real, they were never even in the running for a participant ribbon).

The bottom line, AP’s have some serious, deep rooted, fucking issues.

People lie. It's what many do. The real issue is that your H willingly invited this crazy into your life. Now he needs to move heaven and earth. Make him come up with a plan.

If a WS can lie why wouldn't an A partner lie too?

Many have an agenda they may want to hurt the BS or the WS.

They are broken just like the WS.

She’s hoping you kick him to the curb so he will go running to her.

Plus all of the points made by SacredSoul33.

I can't imagine an AP ever being anywhere near honest if you questioned them. They are people of such low character in the first place to pursue a married person and break up a marriage and destroy someone for their selfish needs and desires. As much as I would love to confront my wife's AP and ask him questions, his loyalty has always been for himself and my wife. I will not give him any power over me in that way, he does not deserve another second of my life. This is a person that is selfish and spent a lot of time reminding my wife how bad a husband I was to validate what they were doing. This whole affair relationship was founded on dishonesty and lies so why would you expect much truth out of either of them. They were two very selfish people living in their bubble with blinders on and not looking back at the damage they created. I am a loyal and forgiving person and a good husband (not perfect by any means) but this rocked my world and made me a stronger and wiser person. Trust you gut feelings on matters close to your heart. Unfortunately, lies seem to be a way of life for some people because they don't have the courage to face the truth as the truth would not make them look good or feel good about themselves.

Lost1313

She soon back tracked on everything she said once I asked her if her fiance knew what a POS he was marrying, she then suddenly remembered everything and also told me her fiance knew everything because she’d told him 🤨
I never told her about the polygraph.
I asked her again if she’d had sex with my H on the night of the Christmas party and she said no, I never had sex with your H.

Pure evil, how anyone can do this is beyond me.

You want something from the AP, and that gives them power over you. She took that gift and used it in the worst way possible. Why would you think she’d do something different?

Just my opinion, but the only reason to contact the AP is to have a one-way conversation. Look them in the eye and tell them that you both know she’s a piece of shit. Nothing else, just the opportunity for her to hear you and be diminished by your presence.

I’d love nothing more than to see her in person but I’m not yet mentally strong enough to be fully in control of my own actions.

I often times found it helpful to make sure that the AP and my WS are characterized together. After all, it took both of them to create the cheating.

I didn't do this just to make my wife out to be a POS like her AP; I did it more to make sure I didn't demonize one while victimizing the other. I am going to assume that your WH wasn't 100% honest about everything from day 1. I'll assume he omitted/withheld information for his own benefit. I'll assume the lies that she told you were for her benefit....whatever those may have been.

You don't need to give the AP a pass for anything. She deserves everything that comes her way from you. Just try not to forget that your husband invited that behavior into your lives. Not to hurt you, but for his own selfish reasons. But she never would have been in your life if not for him. And it's up to him to make amends for that.