Ma'am, I am so very sorry you are facing this revealed treason, and in the midst of a pregnancy no less. As a man, I cant think of much lower than betraying your own wife, with her "best friend" while she is carrying your child. Despicable. You need to hear that.
Full disclosure, my first wife betrayed me with my then best friend so I understand this incredibly traumatic dynamic. I cut him off forever (karma caught up with him brutally). I tried to make it work with my ww for about a decade before it all ended. Those were terribly dark years. I have since moved on with an amazing woman, my now-wife, who is also a survivor of a crushing betrayal. We have built the marriage and family Ive always dreamed of and are very very tight. So thats a thumbnail of my story. I wanted you to know because Im going to be frank with you.
First and foremost, you have no idea yet if the bio-male you married has it in him to be truly remorseful. The fact that he was doing this before your wedding and after shows me what little regard he has for his committment to you and probably holds any committment in his life very loosely. The fact that he is an alcoholic makes things far worse. He needs intensive therapy and to get himself in AA pronto. But that is all on him. You cannot and should not trust a word he says at this juncture.
Youve said a lot about him and its clear you want to believe him and I get that, but its years too soon for that. The folks here and others say that true R takes 3-5 years and that is if the traitor to the marriage shows full remorse, proven by concisistent action over much time. My first wife was nowhere near up to that task and for the character-impaired it is a near vertical climb. All that to say, he needs to take the lead and do the heavy lifting if and when you signal you are open to a reconciliation effort. He should start with reading "How To Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair", use it as a primer and stick to it like glue.
Its time to put yourself first and not just for your sake but for your babies. I had small children when it all went down and decided to stay in large part "for the kids". This was a big mistake and lead to a near decade of misery which adversely affected my children. So, take care of you. Increase your level of self care. See a good therapist, preferably someone who specializes in betrayal trauma. Confide in trusted family and friends (dont carry this burden alone), good nutrition and hydration are paramount especially since you are expecting, read on this site a lot as there are many stories similar to yours and the collective wisdom here is very helpful, and keep posting here for the same reason....it is very therapeutic.
So, again, if you choose to try, R is on him. Watch him closely and believe only his actions. His words mean nothing.
[This message edited by DobleTraicion at 1:38 PM, Tuesday, February 4th]