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sleepylove (original poster member #68848) posted at 11:15 PM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023
If you received a text like this from your WS after expressing that you are not happy with emotional and physical intimacy how would it make you feel?:
"I love you very much. I’m sorry I don’t make you feel I do."
BH 49WW 49Married almost 22 years at time of AShe had an affair Dec 2017-Feb 2018Found them together 2/2/18 Final Dday 2/23/18 Still don't know the whole truthTrying to R
CaptainRogers ( member #57127) posted at 11:39 PM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023
While I haven't received that particular text, we have had that discussion. In short, the discussion centered around Mrs. Cap doing those things that make her feel loved the most (acts of service) rather than those things that make me feel loved the most (words of affirmation/physical touch).
The key is being open and honest about those loving actions that speak to you. Whether you buy the concept of Love Languages concept or not, we all have ways we prefer to receive love. Communicating that is the key.
BS: 42 on D-day
WW: 43 on D-day
Together since '89; still working on what tomorrow will bring.
D-Day v1.0: Jan '17; EA
D-day v2.0: Mar '18; no, it was physical
Want2BHappyAgain ( member #45088) posted at 11:48 PM on Wednesday, March 1st, 2023
To ME...intimacy = love. I couldn't be intimate with someone I didn't love...or care about very much. Could your WW be thinking along these lines when writing that text?
My H told me that he didn't love the adultery co-conspirator...they just had sex. They were strangers when they first started their A...about 2 weeks after they met on Tagged. It was hard for me to wrap my head around that. To ME...sex is a very intimate act...so I equated him having sex with her as loving her. It took a while for us to understand what each other was feeling concerning all of this.
What were YOU trying to convey about the intimacy? Maybe if y'all talked about what this means for each of you...y'all might both come to an agreement on something to be on the same page?
A "perfect marriage" is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.
With God ALL things are possible (Matthew 19:26)
I AM happy again...It CAN happen!!!
From respect comes great love...sassylee
BluerThanBlue ( member #74855) posted at 3:09 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023
"I love you very much. I’m sorry I don’t make you feel I do."
Translation: "This is your problem. I don't plan on doing anything about it."
[This message edited by BluerThanBlue at 3:10 PM, Thursday, March 2nd]
BW, 40s
Divorced WH in 2015; now happily remarried
I edit my comments a lot for spelling, grammar, typos, etc.
Bigger ( Attaché #8354) posted at 3:24 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023
I would tear a page out of a notepad and scribble in block letters "aren’t we past the stage of cryptic puppy-dog college level messages?", crumble it up and toss it in his general direction.
Because to me that’s about how emotionally advanced this is.
If you want to understand this message then go to him and ask what he means, and what he is going to do about it.
"If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." Epictetus
crazyblindsided ( member #35215) posted at 5:38 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023
Translation: "This is your problem. I don't plan on doing anything about it."
Agree it's the old "Sorry YOU feel that way." No accountability.
fBS/fWS(me):51 Mad-hattered after DD (2008)
XWS:53 Serial Cheater, Diagnosed NPD
DD(21) DS(18)
XWS cheated the entire M spanning 19 years
Discovered D-Days 2006,2008,2012, False R 2014
Divorced 8/8/24
sleepylove (original poster member #68848) posted at 10:12 PM on Thursday, March 2nd, 2023
I kind of agree with BTB, Bigger and Blindsided. Seems like a it’s your problem response.
BTW. Bigger, he is a she.
I know Sleepylove comes off non-masculine, but there’s a reason behind it. 
Thanks all.
BH 49WW 49Married almost 22 years at time of AShe had an affair Dec 2017-Feb 2018Found them together 2/2/18 Final Dday 2/23/18 Still don't know the whole truthTrying to R
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