SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This week is proving to be very difficult for me. I just started on an anti-depressant for the first time, and I don't know if it is the medication or not, but I am slugging through my weekly work. I don't feel like reading, I don't feel like journaling, I don't feel like talking to anyone. I just want to sleep and forget about my problems. Regardless, I am keeping up with everything that I need to do including going to SAA tonight. But I am not as excited as I usually am about attending. I do not expect results any time soon, but I hope that over time her trust will be earned back as well as her love. That's what I keep in mind during days like this.

JoshQ, I am sorry to hear you are having a difficult week. I am aware that taking medications comes with side effects. Do you recall feeling like this before you started taking the meds? I can relate to having a difficult week and wanting to sleep it away. I know being inside a lot adds to it on top of everything else that's on our plate, so i hope you can make time for you to get outside safely to walk or safely connect with someone such as your best friend you mentioned in a previous post. That's good you are participating in SAA to seek the recovery you feel is needed to help you. I am in a recovery group too, so it helps me get through tough days similar to yours by reaching out to another safe member in the same recovery group. I hope you feel better soon and you can find the time to do healthy things to hle your difficult days become better.

I am in a recovery group too, so it helps me get through tough days similar to yours by reaching out to another safe member in the same recovery group.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Don’t suffer alone. Especially with your fellowship, folks have experienced much the same.

I do not expect results any time soon, but I hope that over time her trust will be earned back as well as her love.

Just remember, these results are for you. You should, IMO, be prepared to lose everything. Earning is a dicey topic that places a lot in your BP’s lap. If that trust is something that you will find nurturing, then by all means nurture it. But if your efforts are too little too late, what do you do then?

I think you'll find many people here on anti-depressants. Give it some time. They don't start to work overnight, and usually take a few weeks to start showing reliable results.

That being said, also do your research, and follow your gut. If one medicine or therapy doesn't work for you, then talk to your doctor. Many of the drugs that are depression have similar effects to what you described.

Personally, I take Welbutrin and have had very good results, just FYI.

Also, please do not discount the value of mindfulness and meditation, and of therapy. Unless your depression is caused by a chemical imbalance or some other physical factor, then therapy is really your solution, the drugs are there to help you cope while you do so.

One last thing. The aftershock of infidelity is enough to make most people want to stick their heads in the oven. Add to that Covid, winter, the news... it's a LOT to handle, and anyone would be depressed. So see that for what it is as well. It just compounds what you are experiencing but it won't last forever.

Glad to hear you are going to meetings and doing the work on yourself. It takes time. Give yourself some grace.

Agree with DaddyDom-- "Glad to hear you are going to meetings and doing the work on yourself. It takes time. Give yourself some grace."

please do not discount the value of mindfulness and meditation

^^^^This this this.

So many of us Waywards have a hard time dealing with anger, frustration, boredom, loneliness, sadness, fear, (insert other difficult feeling here). I used to think that if I was having a crummy feeling it meant something was wrong. I thought it meant I needed to change my circumstances. If I couldn't change the circumstances, I used something to numb the feelings. My personal favorites for numbing are food and screens but people choose from any number of numbing agents like booze, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, over work, over exercise, you get the idea.

A mindfulness practice with daily meditation as its foundation was pivotal for me in learning how to relate to those feelings differently, and ultimately changed how I respond to them. Instead of diving for the numbing agents I'm able to just sit with them and they eventually dissipate.

I use an app called Headspace but there are many sources of information on meditation and mindfulness. If you are interested and have questions, feel free to ask them here also.

You have a big brain rewiring project ahead of you, but it's not something that can be done quickly with intense short term effort. It takes chipping away at it over a long period of time. It requires patience and perseverance. To the extent that you can, keep your defenses low and your curiosity high.

Don't give up.