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Advice regarding exAP posting pics

JulyDD posted 11/18/2020 20:16 PM

Hi All:

Quick recap. 2018 was a terrible year: H left for almost about 5 months (denied affair), we reconciled and then this summer 2020, I found out there WAS an affair (before he left and during. Ended before he came home).

I had no knowledge of her, where she lived and my FB had a lifetime of pics and happy memories. Once I learned of her existence, I looked at her FB a few times (one pic of my H in group setting-maybe she has more not set to public viewing. No idea). Good God. Had I seen that pic at the time I would have been hospitalized. Never in a million years did I think he had an affair in another city. Moving on.

Two days ago, she reposted the pic with him in it. My SIL had looked at her FB and told me "She posted that pic again with a line about "Throwback to 2 years ago. great party" or whatever.

They are not in contact, we have moved, I have access to his phone and email etc...Plus COVID he is home and not traveling. We are working on things. I am hopeful.

I would love to have him/me/my SIL reach out and say "Please have a heart and take that 2 year old photo down. We are working on our marriage and it hurts the innocent party (me)." I doubt she would but has anyone ever been through this? The AP posting old photos on social media? What can you do? Please know I assume the answer is "Not a darned thing." On a positive note, my H is remorseful, says he will do anything that will help me (though he thinks she may further escalate this kind of social media antics). He agrees that it seems mighty strange for her to "need" to post that group shot in particular 2 years later.It is also in her 2018 section. So why now? But he said if I decide I want some course of action, he will not question it.

Also know, I get that I don't have to look! I know! I get he's the bad guy! But it's under 4 months since I found out about her role in my life! I believed all the lies that he was "figuring out what he wanted/wasn't sure we were compatible anymore." She knew he was married and until he left, knew that he lived at home with a wife who was confused about why her marriage was in a state. She also knew that he left out of the blue and I had no idea he was seeing someone while he was gone-I asked alot!! So yes, I looked and occasionally unblock and look at her page again (which I did when my sis in law told me about the repost).

Is this a thing? They did not have a dramatic parting. It was a long distance thing, it ended because it fizzled and he came home (to me who had no idea when I welcomed him back).

I hate this whole thing. I hate that she and no doubt her friends would look at my FB while they were seeing each other.


EllieKMAS posted 11/18/2020 21:41 PM

Any response makes her feel way more important than she is. Crickets.

And were it me, I'd block her and ask your sil to keep things to herself. It's secondhand pain shopping. I've had to request some people not loop me in on my ex and his hoochies too.

I'm sorry. I know it's hard and so unfair.

zebra25 posted 11/18/2020 21:53 PM

I agree with Ellie.

She will also probably get some sick pleasure knowing you have seen the picture and that it bothers you. I would not give her the satisfaction.

Tentwinkletoes posted 11/19/2020 00:39 AM

Maybe ask sil not to relay anything back to you. Block ignore. Wow a group picture? How momentous. i suspect another ap the ws was ashamed of and therefore no decent photo evidence of them. If that's all shes got to reminisce about id almost feel sorry at the insignificance of it. But she doesnt deserve pity or your time. Block ignore move on. Its normal for it to upset you this early on. But its also really pathetic shes clinging to something so empty.

99problems posted 11/19/2020 00:42 AM

The AP is probably posting those pictures solely for you to see. Responding would give her exactly what she wants.
I would block her and move on.
Social media is a pain in the butt, I miss the days when it didn't exist.
Edit- spelling as usual

[This message edited by 99problems at 12:42 AM, November 19th, 2020 (Thursday)]

The1stWife posted 11/19/2020 05:28 AM

Iím sorry for your pain. Unfortunately social media only prolongs the agony of the affair.

You donít know why she posted it. She may just be an idiot who posted it b/c it was just a good party. Nothing more. Nothing to do with you or the affair. It is possible.

So if she did post it b/c she wants to throw the affair in your face, she is getting the last laugh b/c sheís getting a response out if you. She wants to cause you pain and sheís successful. She IS causing you pain.

And if you respond you are letting her control and manipulate you.

Donít respond. Stop looking at her photos and tell your friends and family to stop relaying info to you.

JulyDD posted 11/19/2020 14:11 PM

Thanks everyone! I so deeply appreciate the input and yes, no response/action is the only way to go. I will tell my SIL (who honestly wants to help) to not look either. And I will block.

Ugh. Felt very very sad again last night because this is in my orbit. I worked hard to have a serene, honest, happy life. With low profile social media, I might add!

Again, you are all such a source of reason and support.

Thank you.

babbu posted 11/20/2020 04:41 AM

Is it possible that your husband can report unauthorized pics of him posted on FB?

The1stWife posted 11/20/2020 06:17 AM

I maintain no reaction or response from you is the best approach right now.

If she doesnít believe you have seen the pic or know about it, she may just stop.

And even if she doesnít you wonít be looking or know if she posts anything anyway so you can just live your life without her drama.

TruthIsPower posted 11/20/2020 08:05 AM

JudyDD, the explanation could be even simpler. FB occasionally makes posts on its own for so called "Your Memories" and then the account owner can add or not add text. Those could be from couple years ago... This may what had happened.

At any rate, agree with previous posters: Ignore! and block.

Chaos posted 11/20/2020 12:06 PM

She's either phishing or phucking with you.

Either way - no response.

PS - why does your SIL or anyone else in your know circle have her on social media? #blockthebitch

Edited for sentence structure.

[This message edited by Chaos at 12:11 PM, November 20th (Friday)]

yellowledbetter posted 11/20/2020 13:23 PM

JulyDD,
I agree with everyone else here too. Pain shopping, and second hand pain shopping, is only going to hurt you more(trust me, Iím unfortunately an expert on pain shopping). It is soooooo hard not to go there but keep telling yourself why she posts this stuff. Itís to hurt YOU. And if she knows youíve seen it and it hurts you, she wins because that is EXACTLY what she wants.

Block her. Have SIL block her. Make her so insignificant that it will drive HER nuts. She deserves no reaction from you.

Imagine how screwed up a person is to advertise on social media that sheís low enough to accept being a side piece for a married man? Let her knock herself out spreading that shit around for the world to see. Iím not sure why anyone would be proud of that. Kinda sad, really.

Now I need to take my own advice!

Hang in there...

JulyDD posted 11/23/2020 12:13 PM

To clarify: My sister in law is not friends with her on FB. But did take a look at her FB and was able to see the posts that were public. That's where the re-posting of the old picture came in.

Thanks again everyone for weighing in.

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