X

Cookies on SurvivingInfidelity.com®

SurvivingInfidelity.com® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

more information about cookies...

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

New Betrayed Husband

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

ShutterHappy posted 8/4/2020 21:58 PM

Do you have a copy of the recording?

Edit: we always say here on SI that Waywards always affair down. There you go! He is such a catch!

[This message edited by ShutterHappy at 10:03 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

rambler posted 8/4/2020 22:12 PM

So she did break up with him but it was.because of Jenny. Let her you know and make it seem you know a lot more.

faithfulman posted 8/4/2020 22:29 PM

we always say here on SI that Waywards always affair down. There you go! He is such a catch!

I don't think either of them are affairing down. They are both crawling around in the mud.

Buffer posted 8/4/2020 22:53 PM

Honey Iím home. Lovely dinner, who is Jenny and why is she nothing to your boyfriend?
She must be number # 5, but why doesnít she get him; he is such a catch? He got you!
Oh I think your ass isnít cheep, itís costing me my business, your son his job, our family, our retirement, your respect and more. Honey your ass is very expensive.
Oh Jenny says hi.

WW should have told you about this contact. But at least she threatened a restraining order and as far as I read she made no more derogatory remarks about the BS.

One day at a time
Buffer.

[This message edited by Buffer at 2:41 AM, August 5th (Wednesday)]

KingofNothing posted 8/4/2020 23:05 PM

She called him... the day.. she wrote.. that letter to you.

Hmm.. Wow. Well, hmm.. I think you know what you need to know, AHGuy. I hope you got a copy of that recording. Now, me, I wouldn't actually play it for her, but do tell her that you have listened to it, know the content of it and know that it proves she lied that she was no longer in contact with the POSOM. Of course, let on that you know OH so much more than you really do. Drop the hints about Jenny and mention her by name. Your wife's reaction will tell you all of it.

She's going to spin it that she was calling to break up with him, of course. Even thought she said, specifically, in the letter she wrote the SAME DAY, that she was no longer in contact with the man. You totally misread the whole thing, don't you see. (that's a little sarcasm there).

Honestly, this is just my opinion, but she's given you nothing to work with. She's shredded your trust at this point and I suspect you'll never get it back in a life time of trying. Ultimately, it's your call how you get out of infidelity-- but I see your options as narrowing fast. I'm sorry it turned out this way.. I had a sneaking suspicion she might be reconciliation material.. or could get there one day. Now I see the truth, she was out of Plan A and moved to Plan B. That must have been hard to listen to, man.

Organic2003 posted 8/4/2020 23:09 PM

Hi AH

I thought the surprise gift would be further information, probably about further contact. I was so worried it was going to be physical contact for "closure" like meeting for coffee with him.

Who made the call, it sounds like it was the POSAP, not your wife, do you know who initiated the call? If it was your wife it begs the question how does she know his burner phone number?

It is not unusual for a two year affair to carry emotions, she felt special, he made her feel special, her fantasy is blown up, her addiction out for public display. The sooner she found out she was a nothing more then a special cheap piece of ass and a B to him the better. She needs to view him as a POS and her behavior made her worse than him. She may learn some empathy for you from this.

She seemed to understand the need for NC and threatened AP with a restraining order. Yes she should not have taken the call. She should have told you about the call. She should have addressed the multiple affairs with you, but she didn't know about them, thus the topic in the call. She sure found out her value to him quickly. That is why you told her about the other women, you knew she was nothing but "special" to him.

The church people coming over I see as a "grand statement" so many look for when trying to R. Somehow making this evil escapes me (I can be dense), she is pulling out every stop she can think of. She is in panic mode for good reason. She is working hard at finding friends of the marriage to talk to, that's a good thing. She could be talking to the toxic go go girl from the office getting advice from that source.

The 70 year old man can empathize with you. Hopefully the women will knock some sense into your wife. Affairs are horrible, I have been witness to the aftermath personally, friends and family, including a brilliant friend who killed himself just before his wedding due to her cheating and leaving him. The whole shitshow makes me weep. I cried when my daughter call me several months ago to tell me her husband was cheating with a friend of hers.

She is learning love is the man that would carry her around and help her for the rest of her life God forbid she had been hit by a bus.

Good Night AH
Respectfully as always,
Organic2003

[This message edited by Organic2003 at 11:45 PM, August 4th, 2020 (Tuesday)]

rambler posted 8/4/2020 23:11 PM

Focus on that if not for Jenny she would not be looking to R. Do not tell her how you know this and alude that you know more.

Buster123 posted 8/4/2020 23:13 PM

whatever mico ounce of hope to R just got blown away, OBS had a recording of a recent phone conversation between our cheating spouses. the contact happened the same day she emailed me her letter which explains why it took her so long to respond that day and why she avoided the subject of his affairs.

It's obvious OBS has/had a VAR in his car, you should've had your WW's other half of the convo (the one you couldn't hear clearly) had you follow the repeated advice from the beginning, that advice still stands, it has stood the test of time for a reason, IT WORKS and provides unfiltered first hand info to make better informed life altering decisions, I hope you do it now, even if you file for D tomorrow this is FAR from over and again you should use all the tools at your disposal, you KNOW she's still lying to you, her "guilty mode" may not last long and she could change her mind at any time and go for the jugular.

So you've confirmed she's still in contact with POSOM, I would still sit her down ask her the tough questions just to know her answers to the other questions, satisfy your curiosity and see how far with the lies she will go, after that, wait until she signs the separation of assets agreement and make sure it's iron clad (have your attorney look at it), then just tell her you know (don't tell her how as she may tell POSOM about it) that she's had contact with POSOM behind your back, then call your daughter and explain the situation and tell her right now there's ZERO chance at R and that you simply don't want to waste any more time and/or be ambushed by the church cavalry again at any given moment.

faithfulman posted 8/4/2020 23:17 PM

This second gift from the other betrayed spouse, and it is a HUGE GIFT, is the reason that I always preach investigation, reconnaissance, learning as much of the truth as possible so you can make an informed decision about your life, and not spend your life lying in bed with a viper.

The other betrayed spouse has twice-blessed you with information, the other time being when she let you know your wife was a cheater.

NEVER LET IT BE ARGUED AGAIN THAT TELLING THE OTHER BETRAYED SPOUSE IS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO!

[This message edited by faithfulman at 12:42 AM, August 5th (Wednesday)]

Buster123 posted 8/4/2020 23:24 PM

Of course your WW had feelings for POSOM after a 2 year LTA, she even talked to him about leaving you after your youngest son finished school/left the house, she was obviously jealous after knowing about the other As which brought up "Jenny" who is most likely the 5th, I would save the "Cheap ass" recording for your WW and play it for her after the ink is dry on the D. I wonder what the next part of the convo will reveal, btw the comment from OBS about you and trying to hook you up with one of "her friends" may suggest she likes you so thread carefully.

[This message edited by Buster123 at 11:30 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

faithfulman posted 8/4/2020 23:29 PM

What I would do, or what I would like to think I would do, is this...

Step One
Let your wife think that there is a slim chance of reconciliation.

Step Two
Meanwhile, put together a nice presentation of her betrayal of you. Include this latest information, the recording. Of course wait until the other betrayed spouse says it is okay.

Step Three
Invite the Pastor, the well-meaning church people, her sister, and any enablers she tries to throw at you, over for a session.

Step Four
Tell them you need their help and support trying to get through this. That you have committed some thoughts to paper, electronic mediums, photo, and audio recording

Step Five
Ask that they sit and listen to what you want them to see and hear, just as you listened to them.

Step Six
Blow the lid off of how your wife is an unremorseless liar, who is manipulating not just you but them!

Step Seven
Serve her divorce papers right there in front of them.

***

You will have then turned the tables. She has tried to spin you as neglectful, cold, and unforgiving. You will dash her reputation amongst these people.

You will serve her a taste of her own humiliation.

You will let her know that she is DONE in your life.

And maybe, just maybe, this will cause her to vacate the area, leaving you to live your own life free of her toxic presence.

***

Or you could skip all of that and just let her know that you will not be shy about her horrible ways, meanwhile you are negotiating the divorce.

Dude, her prospects aren't good. She is a realtor and we are heading into a very rough time in America.

I for one think that the rich human garbage she was fucking wasn't her love, but her plan to exit into a life of luxury.

But it appears you are not as mean as me, and my plan is probably a bit of a fantasy.

but if you pull it off, you go straight into the Baddass Betrayed Spouse Hall of Fame!

Thumos posted 8/4/2020 23:33 PM

She may learn some empathy for you from this.

She seemed to understand the need for NC and threatened AP with a restraining order. Yes she should not have taken the call. She should have told you about the call. She should have addressed the multiple affairs with you, but she didn't know about them, thus the topic in the call. She sure found out her value to him quickly.

I mean, really? Who cares? Really who cares what she *seemed* to understand. Who cares if she *may* learn some empathy. WHO. CARES.

This is a huge waste of time and energy and AH now knows it beyond a reasonable doubt.

AH be done with this, seriously. Itís obvious this woman isnít worth another nanosecond of your time. Move on to a better life!

DeWittle posted 8/5/2020 00:11 AM

Wow, so your WW didnít end the A because she wanted to save the marriage she broke up with him because POSOM was cheating on her. That is just karma. Iíd suggest you refer WW here to us...but, well, you know. This breech of NC should be enough for you to close this out. What a shame.

I agree with faithfulman, also, let her think there is a glimmer of hope while you get your terms solidified. It was stated earlier that when she realizes there is no chance she will become a ice-cold B-, her dealings with POSOM demonstrates that.

If that is enough for you, I really donít see a need to VAR her car but you need to have one on you at all times. And keep OBS close, as in contact, she so your biggest source of info.

Lastly, I know you have self doubts but in my book you are handling this like a MAN. I wish I would have dealt with things half as well as you have!

DeWittle posted 8/5/2020 00:15 AM

NEVER LET IT BE ARGUED AGAIN THAT TELLING THE OTHER BETRAYED SPOUSE IS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO!
That should be a sticky at the top of JFO. (slight edit to to your comment faithfulman)

nekonamida posted 8/5/2020 00:35 AM

So on July 24th after you met her in her office, she agreed to NC. You told her to block him and she said she would. How much you want to bet she never did? She agreed NC but she just needed to complain to him about how he played her and get answers about "Jenny" only 4 days later on the 28th when you sent that letter. So all that begging and promising she did - all lies. When she kept telling you she was NC after the letter - more lies. That she found Jesus and would never do it again - lies. Jesus didn't even stop her from talking to him for a whole week probably because he has better things to do then police her.

I don't believe at all that she went from a WS who was desperate for R to WS who was pissed off that AP turned out to be a liar in 4 days because a WS who has fully given up the AP doesn't care to confront. They may feel something about it but unless a WS believes that the AP is still an option, there's no reason to reach out. Clearly OM was still an option for her otherwise it wouldn't be worth asking him about Jenny. It wouldn't be an issue she brought to him in which she needed answers unless she believed there was some chance that he would provide those answers and work it out with her. That doesn't sound like a WS who went NC. That sounds like a WS who was accepting more contact from AP than they were letting on and was keeping the fantasy alive who just had their bubble burst.

masti posted 8/5/2020 01:10 AM

Her bubble has burst and she knows now what she meant to the POS OM. She is also aware that AHG is on his way out, which is why the Church folk ambush took place. She is not going to get anywhere without professional help.
I know AHG is hurting and grieving the loss of a 25 year old relationship but thanks to the OMís wife he is not in the dark.
I hope your WW turns herself around whether or not you remain together, you still have children and possibly 20 years of love before this shitstorm. But you are on your path out of infidelity and sending strength your way.

ramius posted 8/5/2020 02:04 AM

Shocking. A WW who maintains contact with her lover, all the while acting so sorry for the affair? Wow you never see that.

Oh wait....it is standard operating procedure for many cheaters. Sometimes itís a phone call. Other times they meet up again for coffee. Just canít let it go.

Now you can move on confident that your wife is not worth your time. You are the prize here. And she lost you.

Stevesn posted 8/5/2020 04:32 AM

Doesnít matter, itís still a complete breach of NC, but I was wondering who called whom and if you can look online at the phone bill and see how many other times they had talked since DDay?

Kaliber posted 8/5/2020 05:07 AM

WW should have told you about this contact. But at least she threatened a restraining order and as far as I read she made no more derogatory remarks about the BS.

This..

66charger posted 8/5/2020 05:22 AM

The AP called your STBX a bitch. He told her she was a cheap piece of ass. She sends you a email telling you the reason why she cheated was because he appreciated her femininity. That is just cruel.

[This message edited by 66charger at 12:59 PM, August 5th (Wednesday)]

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

© 2002-2020 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.     Privacy Policy