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New Betrayed Husband

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ramius posted 8/4/2020 15:59 PM

AH,

Just want to let you know, despite what you may have heard....remorse does not have to factor into your decision.

If itís a dealbreaker for you, then so be it. Itís about YOU. And what YOU will/will not tolerate, or accept.

masti posted 8/4/2020 16:08 PM

Actually AHG it might be safer if u take someone with u to this Ďdateí. They can stay at a distance and watch, I am thinking more evidence but u never know.
I now think that the first time was not anger, it was planned, if u had bought tickets to Ireland she would have thrown a tantrum anyway. She just needed an excuse. More strength to you it may not look like it but your obvious strength of character is keeping you focused and sane.

Thumos posted 8/4/2020 16:10 PM

OBS is acting weird she called 3 times confirming our ďdateĒ then offered to pick me up form my house, I told her I rather drive my own vehicle, then texted me an address and asked if I could pick her up so we ride together, the place weíre going to is in a city about an hour away and she doesnít want to drive by herself. I m starting to have doubts about this woman so we will see what this is all about, she promised I wonít be disappointed.

I mean, that almost sounds like an OBS looking for a revenge affair with you to get back at her WH. Stranger things have happened.

Might be good to bring a friend as others say.

KingofNothing posted 8/4/2020 16:23 PM

The church people that came yesterday didnít seem to be concerned about the Corona virus, I know a word spreading among the church goers that the virus is nothing but a hoax.

Oh, man... these are the people that judge themselves wise enough and learned enough to judge you and your response to adultery, hmm?

So, all that "dying" stuff is just a hoax.. wow. Well, I hope you kept your distance.

The elderly couple are at least in their 70s they should be more concerned specially that Iím a guy that travels a lot a sees a lot of different people, their story is sooo bad the worst Iíve heard, Iím actually amazed how he was able to forgive her

I always wonder about people that are that eager to publicly divulge this much about their own experience with adultery. As in, how do you even look them in the eye again? I would be embarrassed FOR them, for A) trying to manipulate you without your invitation or permission and B) being dragged into this situation at your wife's behest. That's just amazing. I was going to say, maybe the BS in that marriage should show up here and give us all lectures about forgiveness, since he's so great at it, but no... that's a terrible idea. You don't want her to find out about SI.

So.. who share the details of your private and personal marriage with members of the church? What right did they have to know what you are thinking about doing? It wasn't their business.

I went through something almost as cringeworthy with the (Catholic) church I used to attend. Also set up by my XWW, with identical motivation. She had the local "marriage encounter" counselor show up with a pack of concerned parishioners. Turned out she had been feeding them a pack of minimization and blatant lies. When I outlined what they REALLY were asking me to forgive her for, their argument lost energy fast. They didn't deviate from the party line (my church invests a lot of energy in keeping people married, like most churches), but they started to repeat themselves and at that point, I collected the coffee cups and wished them all a good evening. Graciously.. I knew they were just doing what they were thinking was the right thing. I actually was impressed she had the hubris to even try that route, but desperate people will try some desperate actions. Understand, this is about your wife's standing.. her reputation.. her appearance to the other church ladies. It's critical to her not to be a failure in letting "Jesus take the wheel" here.

As for the other betrayed spouse. Don't get too weirded out, she probably just doesn't want to drive. It MIGHT be possibly an attempt at RA (revenge affair) but I highly, highly doubt this. People need to give this lady some credit. She didn't HAVE to share her data with you. She's been your best ally in this thing from day one. This is what I suspect it will be AHGuy.. She will provide you copies of photographs showing your wife and the POSOM met in person SUBSEQUENT to your the affair discovery. Probably with backup text copies. There's really no other reason to be that mysterious unless she had something of larger impact on your actions.. I can't figure there would be anything else that is worse than what you already know, but who knows? Maybe your wife is hiding something yet. I'd definitely give her a chance to share. Information, even information telling you what you don't want to hear, is your friend right now.

[This message edited by KingofNothing at 4:25 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

ShutterHappy posted 8/4/2020 16:28 PM

People need to give this lady some credit. She didn't HAVE to share her data with you. She's been your best ally in this thing from day on

I agree with KingOfNothing

Bogey66 posted 8/4/2020 16:40 PM

BS Only

[This message edited by SI Staff at 6:25 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

Westway posted 8/4/2020 16:42 PM

It sounds to me like the OBS has some major stuff to share, or else she wouldn't ask you to drive so far out. She's worried she will be recognized by someone if she stays local.

HalfTime2017 posted 8/4/2020 16:47 PM

AH, good luck tonight at your meeting. Stay strong brother. I think you will get more evidence, and OBS might be providing guidance on counsel since she is divorcing. She might be asking you to help her in her case to Divorce her cheating husband.

As for your WW, having the Church members stop by is similar to asking her family for help. It shows that she is desperate, although we can argue manipulative, but still, desperation is setting in. She is fighting to save her lifestyle, reputation and marriage. It shows that she's still being manipulative, even if she is trying.

For me, it'd be the final straw. As if a 2 yr fuckfest with POSOM wasn't enough already. LT affairs, getting you to fix the heater, ditching you on a planned vacation, that's just too much to overcome.

Good luck tonight

WaryOptimist posted 8/4/2020 17:06 PM

I understand that the OBS has been very helpful to you, but this business of confirming three times your date, and you driving over an hour away, it seems off.

Take a VAR, or keep your phone on the whole time.

Better safe than sorry, and best case, you have the evening taped for future review if needed.

Sunspot posted 8/4/2020 17:30 PM

I mean, that almost sounds like an OBS looking for a revenge affair with you to get back at her WH. Stranger things have happened.

Haha, I had the same first thought.

But AH, I think you should indulge your sense of adventure and go ahead and do what the OBS says about the meeting. You should get out of the driver's seat and drift with the currents a bit too. I expect it's nothing shady or sexual, but she seems to have something up her sleeve that has her bouncing up and down in her seat.

Unlike most here, I'm a little bit revenge oriented, so I think that you should NOT have a revenge affair, even if offered...

...BUT I think letting your WS's sweat about their betrayed spouses putting their heads together and project all kinds of dire scenarios onto the two of you will be surprisingly healing.

Mrhealed posted 8/4/2020 17:40 PM

AH

Well seems like your WW is going to use each single day of the next 2 months (agreement period) to try her best and use all her resources to win you back...

Please concider that nothing takes out a cheater faster from fantasyland than D. So she is now starting to see whst dhe has done. Be prepare as IMO she will become a model repepntant and doing everything rigth WW.

Freeme posted 8/4/2020 17:46 PM

I think I'd call the OBS back and tell her that you aren't going if she doesn't tell you exactly what this surprise is.

I mean it's got to have to do with something horrible concerning the affair. Is that something you want deal with unaware with a stranger? Also what type of person would think you would want a surprise after what you've been through... or are going through? Now is not the time for her to be playing games with you.

-- It might be too late for that advice.

I also HAVE to say something about your WW manipulation. Your first post says...

I found out 10 days ago that my my devout christian, God loving, Church going, morally conservative, and adultery hating wife and the mother of my children is having an affair with one
of her client.
a later post says...

My daughter has already moved out the house and lives with her boyfriend whom my wife dislikes because he doesnít believe in Jesus. She doesnít want her to commit to someone who doesnít have ďmoralsíĒ

She's been pushing you to talk to her Paster for MC and "forgiveness". She's been using the kids to get you to meet with her... and now she hosts a church intervention the day after you tell her you would like to divorce? She was in the affair for two years and has given you less than a month to process it in peace.

I'm not being very helpful but I hate the way she uses the church and her kids to get her way when it suits her.

SlapNutsABingo posted 8/4/2020 17:52 PM

The place we are going to is in a city about an hour away....she promised I wonít be disappointed.


Oh God, she doesnít want to have sex does she?!?!

thatbpguy posted 8/4/2020 17:53 PM

Freeme:

She's been pushing you to talk to her Paster for MC and "forgiveness". She's been using the kids to get you to meet with her... and now she hosts a church intervention the day after you tell her you would like to divorce? She was in the affair for two years and has given you less than a month to process it in peace.

I'm not being very helpful but I hate the way she uses the church and her kids to get her way when it suits her.

A fair point.

I just keep thinking, 'two years...' 'Two years of lies, deceiving, having the best memories of her life..." And she only stopped as she was about to be outed.

I doubt she is sorry for anything she did. In fact, I think she will cherish their time together. She is sorry about being outed, about facing the consequences of her actions. To me, that's disingenuous. Also, I agree with Freeme in that it's manipulative.

To me, she is not close to being ready for R if you wanted to try.

thatbpguy posted 8/4/2020 17:55 PM

The place we are going to is in a city about an hour away....she promised I wonít be disappointed.

Oh God, she doesnít want to have sex does she?!?!

Always a chance this is a sort of set-up. If you have a VAR or if your phone can record (lots of free apps you can download), I would do so and protect yourself.

Thumos posted 8/4/2020 17:55 PM

I'm not being very helpful but I hate the way she uses the church and her kids to get her way when it suits her.

Agreed - It's pretty gross.

nekonamida posted 8/4/2020 18:32 PM

OBS is acting a bit strange. Hopefully she will explain when you see her. Maybe she's afraid the OM will see her out with you and make her life more difficult.

Buster123 posted 8/4/2020 18:47 PM

OBS is acting weird she called 3 times confirming our ďdateĒ then offered to pick me up form my house, I told her I rather drive my own vehicle, then texted me an address and asked if I could pick her up so we ride together, the place weíre going to is in a city about an hour away and she doesnít want to drive by herself. I m starting to have doubts about this woman so we will see what this is all about, she promised I wonít be disappointed.

I mentioned the possibility of a RA offer earlier (of course pure speculation) but if I thought that had a 5% chance of being the "gift" then, after your post that has now increased to about 25%, of course the most logical gift would still be more info/footage but the way she's acting and what she's saying definitely made me think about that possibility even more, hopefully its not, I think you'll be ready mentally for whatever she presents to you, you're probably on your way or already there, I would record the conversation if I was you, put one of those VARs to good use.

Buffer posted 8/4/2020 20:12 PM

Morning AHG,
I be thinking there is more pain on the way from the A that has come to light. Donít tell STBX you are having a meeting with OMW, but having a client meal. Good luck I hope there isnít too much more pain coming your way. No revenge A!! Just kidding, ease up.

Westway did raise a very valid question, that being why the parishioners were there?
Was there a breach of confidentiality? Allot here are circling around their attendance or ambush, but not how they came to be.
Just me, putting this out there. I believe they were there, not as a ambush, bully, attack or intimidate AHG. But went there, well intentioned to save a marriage. How they came by the information, what was going on behind closed doors? That needs to be asked by AHG. A privacy breach or STBX clutching at straws to save what she had prior to Discovery.

Hope all goes well, one day at a time.
Buffer

AHGuy posted 8/4/2020 21:43 PM

Interesting evening with an interesting lady. A lot to talk about but first thing first, whatever mico ounce of hope to R just got blown away, OBS had a recording of a recent phone conversation between our cheating spouses. the contact happened the same day she emailed me her letter which explains why it took her so long to respond that day and why she avoided the subject of his affairs. Other thing is OBS said that all other phone All calls that were recorded were through his car Bluetooth speaker except her call wasnít which means that he used a different phone that wasnít synchronized with his car. We listened to the conversation while we were driving to the restaurant it was a 22 minutes call where we could only hear him clearly but we couldnít hear what she was saying he had her on speaker phone and hear her talk but not clearly. It was actually funny how it went from him trying to nice her out and pleading for chance to be with her to a fight wand him calling her the B word and a ďcheap assĒ even after she hanged up he kept cussing calling her B word. I guess she questioned his multiple affairs and at first he was telling her that she knows he isnít happy with his wife thatís why he was looking at other women but since he found my wife he wanted to settle with her and that she is the only one that gets him and bunch of Other BS, then started talking about a woman called Jenny that neither I nor OBS had heard of apparently my WW suspected that OM was into her for whatever reason but the OM kept saying I donít give a F about Jenny she is nothing to me. At the end of the conversation they blew it up, J guess my wife Threatened with restraining order if he calls her because he was like fuck you and your restraining order you B*****, the kept on cussing he told her the truth ď you ainít nothing but a cheap assĒ.
So that was the surprise OBS promised, other than that we went to a nice restaurant she was very friendly, told me about her life story. The OM is bully, he is blaming her for everything that went wrong, embezzlement even told her that her spying on him is a betrayal worse than his cheating WTF. She is ready to divorce already hired an attorney and they are on the process of filling up the forms. She lives in a different state (Virginia) where adultery isnít a factor.
She wanted to be a friend, she complemented me and said when Iím ready to date she has nice loyal beautiful ladies that would love to know a man like me, she said that sarcastically of course.
Iíll give more details about the night tomorrow, Iím tired now and going to try to get some sleep.

[This message edited by AHGuy at 9:52 PM, August 4th (Tuesday)]

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