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I'm baaacccckkkkkk 12 years later!

momofliketriplet posted 7/15/2020 00:52 AM

For anyone new here, I hope someone can learn some thing from my story. 12 years ago I was devastated when my husband cheated on me. I had three children under the age of five. I worked a part-time job at 20 hours a week. I felt I had nothing. I kicked him out for about three weeks. He begged me to come back and told me he would change.

We went to five different marriage counselors and even a marriage encounter weekend. Nothing ever felt right. I want you all to know that if you feel that you're the only one putting in the work there is something wrong. My husband in my opinion is a narcissist. he primarily thinks about himself and his interests. What I learned from the first time and the pain that I went through was that I never wanted to feel that I have never had options again. I started in real estate. We owned one home. Just a small home we lived in.

Since that time I have raised beautiful kids. They are all teens. They all have jobs. They make money and I have set their money aside.. They are all independent and could be independent if they needed to be. They pay for their own cell phones, my daughter pays for her own gas, they are each slowly learning to survive on their own if they needed to. They are each extremely smart in their own ways. They have also been affected by him. He's an angry person. He takes his own insecurities out on them.

I tried to leave him in 2016, but couldn't because as I asked for the divorce three days later his mother passed away. Knowing the pain of losing a parent I stayed. I stayed much longer than I should've. However, in staying I only made myself more miserable. We grew further and further apart. He spent less and less time around home, less and less time with me and the kids. It actually felt better when he was out of the house.

I slowly grew in real estate. I love working in real estate and investing. We have a small vacation home near the ocean. This past weekend, I caught him with another woman strangely like little kids around the corner in the bushes. Can you imagine? This is how desperate he had become to have affair. However, this was the out I needed. I should've left earlier but he would've made me miserable if I had just left without a reason. Now I could leave and not feel guilty. Not being made to feel guilty. This is hard to describe for anyone who is not married to a narcissist. But when I try to leave in 2016, the manipulation was unbearable. This time I legitimately turned around after I saw what I saw walked back in my vacation home packed my bag and drove home at one in the morning. Right in front of my kids. I regret they saw that and my middle son was concerned, but I knew the next day he could drive them home and the regret he would feel would be different.

Today, we own five houses. So, I am not stuck with thinking about where I have to live. He also has an area that he can go. We have income to generate if we need to in order to stay in the houses. I am not saying this to rub in anyone's face. I have legitimately gone through the worst time of my life. I have given 21 years to this man. I knew in my gut he could never be faithful which is why the first time I picked myself up and made sure if it were to ever happen again I would be secure enough to be safe with my children and comfortable.

A strange thing happened on the way home. All I did was laugh. It was interesting because I just felt a sense of freedom lifting off of my shoulders. Or maybe coming onto my shoulders. But I really wasn't crying. I have been crying since but in the initial shock afterwards I was just like this is what I needed to leave. This is what I needed to be able to move out and not have him make me feel miserable. Narcissists can be evil people. Right now he's feeling quite guilty. I'll be able to leave and not have him manipulate me. I want everybody here to know that you have options. Don't let anyone take options away from you. You can create a future for yourself where you are safe and happy. I may not be there quite yet but I will get there. Good luck!

FaithFool posted 7/15/2020 01:07 AM

Hey I remember you. I'd say 'welcome back' but that doesn't quite sound right...

I'd say you win this time around. Fuck that guy!


momofliketriplet posted 7/15/2020 01:19 AM

Hi Faithfool .... ya Fuck that guy for sure

The1stWife posted 7/15/2020 02:20 AM

Good for you! Inspirational post about protecting yourself.

Lalagirl posted 7/15/2020 04:07 AM

momofliketriplet, I remember you and am so glad you are finally out of infidelity. Better late than never, right? You worked your tail off over the years to get to this place, and you will survive and thrive!



BSPheonix posted 7/15/2020 04:48 AM

Hi momofliketriplet, sorry you're here but, glad you appear to feel released from shackles. You sound like a determined, warm, virtuous person. I fear that I'm married to a narcissist and have been educating myself about narcissistic personality disorder (makes for alarming reading). I hope I'm wrong (that she isn't a narcissist) but, if it proves to be the case/ seems more likely than not (I'm giving it more time and, trying to be objective) then I'll be off. In the meantime, one of the things I'm doing is -- like you have -- ensuring I have a sound financial future (and that the children are also looked after in that regard). Thank you for sharing and, wishing you and yours well.

BSPheonix posted 7/15/2020 04:48 AM

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[This message edited by BSPheonix at 4:49 AM, July 15th (Wednesday)]

BSPheonix posted 7/15/2020 04:48 AM

[Multiple duplicate post]

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 4:49 AM, July 15th (Wednesday)]

BSPheonix posted 7/15/2020 04:48 AM

[Multiple duplicate post]

[This message edited by BSPheonix at 4:49 AM, July 15th (Wednesday)]

DIFM posted 7/15/2020 04:58 AM

momofliketriplet, very proud of you. So sorry you had to endure the trauma inflicted by your narcissist ass of a husband. But you took charge of your life in a way that paid off big, in terms of having viable options, which is one of the most useful and healthy things a BS can do.

Your story will help someone and they will benefit from your example. Stay the course.

HouseOfPlane posted 7/15/2020 07:12 AM

Awesome story of survival, thanks!

tushnurse posted 7/15/2020 11:08 AM

I am so freaking proud of you.

You take that control you have earned and do whatever you want w/ the rest of your life.

Tell him to take that OW, and that shrub and shove them both up his arse.

Make sure you area honest, but age appropriate w/ your kiddos as you separate your lives from him.

Chaos posted 7/15/2020 11:38 AM

That is how you walk away like a badass.

PS - I hope those bushes had poison ivy in them.

landclark posted 7/15/2020 14:18 PM

momofliketriplet, thank you for sharing your story and the inspiration! So sorry you're here (again), but you sound like an amazing and strong person, and I have no doubt you'll be better off no matter where your path takes you!

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