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After the affair and moving on without them

Outoflove2020 posted 7/2/2020 14:49 PM

Hi there

I've looked through a lot of the book recommendations on here, but many of them seem to come from the viewpoint of being in a longer term marriage / relationship, with kids, and the couple is trying to reconcile.

I recently came out of a relationship where my partner cheated on me. It was four years, we weren't married, didn't share any kids (he has two) but we did live together and it's been some of the worse pain I've ever been through in my life. I'm looking for books that focus on recovery from betrayal and moving on without them, starting afresh on my own as a middle aged woman, rather than trying to reconcile.

Any recommendations greatly appreciated.

outofsorts posted 7/2/2020 21:29 PM

I at the beginning of The Journey from Abandonment to Healing (four chapters in). So far it is pretty good - focusing on the emotional journey after any type of abandonment: spouse leaving, death of a loved one, etc.

You may find it helpful.

homewrecked2011 posted 7/3/2020 15:37 PM

This book helped me personally -it was called Love Must Be Tough. Itís a quick, easy read about NOT accepting disrespect of any type, especially from a spouse. How to quickly see your worth in all this. Although itís main focus is about just finding out a spouse cheated, it very quickly builds the BS up, bc it helps to see how much we let slide all in the name of ďloveĒ. It really got my confidence back quickly. The author says if your spouse (or significant other) isnít doing the ďworkĒ itís far better to tell them to leave right then and realize your own worth and self respect. (And the author is a Christian counselor-so I thought the book was going to be sappy, but itís the opposite.) The focus of the book is not about getting back together, but to me it was more about a person crossing the line of respect over and over. Something that Iíve allowed all my life.

Iím in my 50ís and I hope to never accept bad behavior from anyone again, Iím much better alone, the book quickly helped with that.

Itís downloadable I think and I happened upon it at the library.

Iím not sure if this is exactly what youíre looking for, but it really helped me see my value.

Hawaii50 posted 8/21/2020 09:09 AM

Please read, Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life by Tracy Schorn. It is exactly what you need at this point. I found most books focused on reconciliation or at least there was hope for it. In my situation, we were done. It just hurt to read about anything even hinting at reconciliation. Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life focuses on moving on without looking back. There were so many things that literally left me in awe. It helped me gain self confidence in realizing that my feelings were valid and normal. I canít say enough about this book. I listened to the audio and then bought a hard copy to keep.

sundance posted 8/23/2020 14:57 PM

My vote is also: Leave a Cheater, Gain a Life.

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